House Rules: The Complete List (so far)

To my befuddlement, lots of people come here looking for House Rules ideas in order to keep their kids in line.

(clearly, these people are not regular readers of the chaos which is my home life)

Early last year, I shared the House Rules we keep hung in our kitchen.

Let’s just say that since then?  The list has grown – ahem – a bit.

The response to a photo I shared earlier today of House Rules #34-39 included quite a few people asking to see what was hidden between #18 & 34.

Ask?  And ye shall receive.

Yes, there is a story behind each of these rules. Some I came up with, others the kids did, and the rest were a team effort.

Which is why this list most likely makes our home one of your Top Ten Homes You’d Least Likely Visit Without Wearing SWAT Team Gear.

Lest you think I made this up, please check out this piece of proof:

An unedited photo I just took of the crayon-scribbled list hanging in my kitchen, as I sit here at the kitchen table next to my kid who is getting a little too close to the wall with her markers.

Or you could just ask one of my friends, who like to check to see what’s been added to the list since their last visit. Because something’s always being added.

Read, enjoy, ask anything you want. You know you’re curious.

So. What’s your favorite Rule from the list?
Do you have any House Rules we should consider adding? 

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  1. Deidra says

    These are great and hilarious!! I can only imagine the scenarios that led to the making of each rule!! Haha! I’m gonna have to steal some of these for my house, although I can honestly say as crazy as it gets here, we’ve never had to incorporate the “no lighting anyone on fire” rule!!! Hahaha!:)

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      My daughter came up with that one out of the blue, totally on her own. Thankfully it hasn’t been “needed” yet, but she was so excited to have come up with it we had to add it.

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      Been sick, lots of TV on lately & they’ve been asking of everything from every ad – even the cleaning products!

  2. VWLizard says

    Wow. And I thought 32 and 33 were unique to my house. We also have “Do not sit on anyones head without underwear on”

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      Yes, it’s good to reward as well. That’s a whole ‘bother chart.
      My daughter asked me what she could do to be Nice and get more smiley faces on her chart, and we have that as well.

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      There used to be a joke here “it’s not a play date until Mr. T takes his pants off” for years…I finally got him to keep them on when we have company.

  3. says

    They are all awesome! But one that really stuck out to me was #11, about not lighting people on fire. :)

    Had WE had that rule in OUR house growing up… well, let’s just say it would have saved me a very nice pair of 80’s-era designer jeans. And, quite the scare. But my brother didn’t mean any harm and in the end, we had a good laugh. ;)

    If I could add a rule, I’d have to say…

    If Mommy is taking a nap, PLEASE don’t tiptoe into the room, sneak up next to me all quiet and cat-like, bend carefully over my head, and then stage-whisper, “Mooom. MOM!” It scares the hell out of me and *that*, sweetheart, is the reason Mommy usually seems cranky after “naps.”

    I dunno Kim, I am the rule queen in our neighborhood… but it seems like my kids just take them as some sort of a sick challenge. Is it just me?
    EvergreenEden recently posted..Introducing: Made with Love… and OCDMy Profile

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      My brother + firecrackers = We needed that rule, too. ;)

      Oh…WHY must my kids come over and pry open my eyelid if I fall asleep for a nap??

  4. Mandy says

    I am afraid to start writing the house rules down here, I’d end up with an encyclopedia sized book. I must say, almost all of these are on our list.

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      This list takes up quite a bit of the kitchen wall, I must admit. But it’s a nice reference point when the kids start acting like savages. :)

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      My daughter never ever EVER stops talking or singing and does so very loudly all the time. I love encouraging singing, but holy moly it NEVER ENDS.

  5. says

    Don’t talk to me while you’re pooping.

    That has to be the biggest one in our house. (Oh and the singing at the table too)
    We only have the one minion, but she’s enough to make anyone tired. I can’t imagine adding another to the mix!

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      Why do they decide to have long discussion with us while they’re on the crapper?
      My 1st grader does this…I guess he’s inspired in there or something. But still. SHH!

  6. Sandra aka bunny mommy mom mommeee iwantyou says

    omg FUNNY = you wrote them down and taped to the wall. i especially like the “doors no locking” and “pants on for playdates”

    we any of yours and


    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      Yes, can you tell my 4.5yo wrote the “The Door No Locking” rule? lol!
      Why must they try to crawl under the door crack while we’re on the toilet? WHY?

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      I even did the background in the same yellow as my kitchen. It’ll be like you have a little piece of me with you at all times, reminding your children to not light one another on fire.

    • Let Me Start By Saying says

      You realize there was one kid on the floor and another proclaiming his innocence when this rule came about.

  7. says

    We have similar rules in our house. They also include no sparkly makeup to kindergarten, if you have to cry please go in your room, no arguing about who is the oldest, youngest, or whose mommy I am. No stealing mommys diet coke.

  8. says

    These are absolutely hilarious! I love and use so many of them that I can only say that your #12 is our #1. I was checking my email the other morning when my 3yr old started playing with her trains and loudly choo-choo-ing along when her brother told her to be quiet. They started arguing, and I said, “um, excuse me?” – they both looked at me and the little one said, “Mommy is it okay if we argue because I seed you already did drink some coffee today…”
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  9. Tara B says

    As it is 9am and my daughter is currently FAKE crying upstairs because her brother wants to play alone after waking her up early because he was bored, we need the rules here of: No waking anyone else up extra early in the morning, especially on a Saturday! and No telling someone you want to play with them, only to then run to your room and decide you want to play alone and slam the door in their face.

  10. Brooke says

    no answering the door without permission & no barking, growling, or any loud animal noises while mommys on the phone!

  11. holly aka momma of 4 6 & under says

    Pooping is NOT a group event

    Keep your boogers to yourself & preferably in your nose or tissue

    Your head is not just for decoration, use it!

    No ‘screeeeeching’ we are not caradactles

    You can’t go back in, stay out from between my legs!

  12. Amy Glennon says

    We’ve recently added “No Buying Turtles Online.” The kids are 15, 13, 7, and 5, and were left alone while I went to buy milk.

  13. suki says

    WAAAAAY to many rules, “no this no that , no no no NO NO!” yikes. Let them breathe. Let them think for themselves, or is that one of your rules too??? “NO Thinking unless I tell you what to think” HAHA.

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