I find the original Santa, Baby song to be totally…icky. It is creepy and dirty and the women who sing it tend to be purring like a cat in heat or breathier than a phone sex operator. Gross. These days, it is EVERYWHERE. No matter how hard I try, I can neither avoid it nor […]
My Kids Ruined My Back Door. Again.
My back door is broken again. And if by “back door” you think I mean the thing in my family room that opens up to the patio? You’re wrong. I mean my Asshole. My Asshole is broken. Again. It worked perfectly fine before I had kids. Then they came along, did what kids do when […]
How Being A Parent is Like Being A Rock Star
1. Endless hours on the road with too many people in the vehicle. 2. Your job is to entertain a room full of loud, writhing maniacs. 3. If you do your job well, people ask when you’ll produce more. 4. You ask yourself daily: “Am I tripping? Or did I really just see that?” 5. Your […]
House Rules
It seems I need to explain this Facebook post/Tweet a little more. So here you go…. Do you have House Rules? Do you post them somewhere in your home? We used to just have house rules in concept, but I had to remind the kids of them each of the 400x a day they’d break a rule. […]
How to Buy a Christmas Tree
Since many of you appreciated my instructions over the summer on how to pick berries with a 3-year-old, I decided to share my most recent seasonal experience with young children. How To Buy A Christmas Tree With A Preschooler & A Kindergartener 1. On the 1st below-30-degree day of the season after 2 weeks of holiday travel […]
The Real Treat
When things are going smoothly, going well, when there are minimal bumps in the road, I tend to let those moments surround me like the bubble wrap of life and keep my hands still. I find I rarely write about them because I hold them close and savor them.Those moments are the last chip in […]
Kim’s Butterscotch Sugar Cookie Bakes with Ice Cream
My friend recently told me that when she was living in California there was a place that made huge individual cookies you eat hot from the oven with a spoon. After recovering from the brain implosion of cookie lust that information caused my imagination, I began trying to figure out how I could create something […]
How To Pick Berries With A 3-Year-Old
As If I Need Another Reason to Hate Max & Ruby. 1. After months of begging from Child to go to a farm to pick berries and pet animals like she has seen on Max & Ruby, decide it is time to take her for a special treat. 2. Select a farm 45 minutes away. 3. Make […]
I Marvel
I open the door to the dark room and smell his warm little boy smell. He begins stirring as I walk across the room, so I silently watch him sit up on his knees and rub the sleep from his eyes. The first thing he sees are my eyes looking at him as he asks […]