Let Me Make This Very Clear

Let me make this very clear for those of you who are still confused about why so many of us are angry right now.

I have had boys I knew pull my hair without permission, hurting me because they thought I was pretty.

I have had boys I knew snap my training bra strap without permission, hurting and embarrassing me because they liked me.

I have been told by boys I knew that I didn’t get invited to the party because it was common knowledge that I didn’t put out.

I have had strangers tell me to smile because I’m prettier when I do.

I have had strangers tell me I am a bitch because I would not smile at them.

I have been whistled at by groups of strangers as I walked past them on my own.

I have had strangers grab their clothed genitals to shake them at me and ask me to perform various sexual acts on them as I walked by.

I have been flirted with by strangers who I walked by.

I have been called a bitch, a whore, a c*nt by strangers whose flirtations I did not reciprocate as I walked by them.

I have had strangers grab my arm to pull me closer to them so they could tell me that they found me pretty, without permission.

I have had strangers grab my arm to pull me closer to them so they could tell me what they wanted to do, sexually, with my body, without permission.

I have had strangers come in behind me to sniff my neck, then blow on it, without permission.

I have had strangers come in from behind me to run fingers through my hair and smell it, pressing against me, without permission.

I have had strangers put their hands on my waist from behind and hold on without a word, without permission.

I have had strangers grab my crotch without permission.

I have had strangers rub/stroke my crotch without permission.

I have had strangers grab my breast(s) without permission.

I have had strangers rub/stroke my breast(s) without permission.

I have had strangers grab my ass without permission.

I have had strangers rub/stroke my ass without permission.

I have had strangers grab my body in so many places without permission.

I have had strangers rub/stroke my body in so many places without permission.

I have had strangers rub their clothed flaccid penis against my ass, my hip, my leg, my crotch without permission.

I have had strangers rub their clothed erect penis against my ass, my hip, my leg, my crotch without permission.

I have had strangers kiss the skin of my exposed hand, wrist, arm, shoulder, neck in public without permission.

I have had males I trusted try to kiss me even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

I have had males I trusted try to shove their hands up my shirt even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

I have had males I trusted reach into my shirt and unhook my bra even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

I have had males I trusted try to shove their hands down my pants even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

I have had males I trusted try to remove my pants even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

I have had males remove their pants and try to rub themselves to ejaculation on me even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

I have had to punch strangers, kick strangers, claw at strangers, wrestle my way away from strangers who refused to stop the sexual advances they made at me even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

I have had to punch males I trusted, kick males I trusted, claw at males I trusted, wrestle my way away from males I trusted who refused to stop the sexual advances they made at me even after I loudly and clearly said, “No.”

Maybe you know me, respect me, care about me, and this knowledge makes you sick. I’m not sorry you had to hear it.

Maybe you don’t know me. But I do hope it still makes you sick.

This has been my norm simply because I was born female. None of my fellow females will be surprised by a single item on this list.

None of them.

NONE.

OF.

THEM.

Because it has happened to them, too. Your mothers, sisters, wives, aunts, best friends, daughters, neighbors, teachers, that sweet lady at the grocery store, the funny clerk at the pharmacy. Every woman you can think of has been treated in this manner at one time or another (and another and another and another).

We are the ones who know by the time we are in our late teens or early twenties that we need to always be ready to defend ourselves, protect ourselves. We know we need to always be alert, always have our own back and our fellow females’ backs because—more often than not—not enough people have ours.

Not our schools or our employers or those in charge at the businesses we frequent or those who witness us being harassed on the street or those paid to protect us or our fathers or our churches or our upstairs neighbors who hear our screams or our judicial system who prefers a swimmer’s potential athletic success over a woman’s right to safety and sanity.

Sure, some do. Some will try to protect us, fighting tooth and nail to do so. But not enough. Nowhere near enough.

And I’m sick of it.

I know what I’m doing about it. I have a son and a daughter to raise right. I have a voice. I have a plan.

How about you?

Because we can do better than this.

---

Kim Bongiorno is an author, full time freelance writer, and the blogger behind Let Me Start By Saying. Learn more by connecting with her on: Facebook · Twitter · Instagram · Goodreads · Amazon.com · BookBub · Newsletter · Book Announcement Mailing List