I cannot.
I look at this article a few of my friends have shared in horror and my lady biz yells at me, “RUN—DON’T WALK—YOUR EYEBALLS AWAY FROM THAT MADNESS.”
This is a real thing. You put it up your special place and hope for the best, I guess.
A few things came to mind when my brain attempted to process the concept of using sponges for periods. I’d like to share them with you now.
1. No.
2. I’d never be able to let my kids paint with sponges ever again.
3. The writer says she’d rather stay away from moldy tampons (ditto, sister—is that even something people debate?) but I also would rather stay away from stuffing the houses of tiny sea creatures all up in my blood bank thankyouverymuch.
4. They’re full of holes. Does no one notice that they are using something full of holes to catch their uterine wall drippings?
5. The thought of removing a menses-sodden sponge by means of, I guess, umm…clawing it out, maybe? Pulling it bit by bit? Pretending my fingers are fleshy tweezers? makes my vagina cry sea salt tears.
6. Still no.
7. I can no longer look the loofa-backed sea sponge in my shower the same way. I must remember to ask my husband to remove it under the cover of night for me immediately.
8. She lists “no sounds” as a reason to use them in this manner. How about the sound of me gagging? Does that sound not count?
9. I’ve been known to be a tree-hugging vegetarian hippie in my day, but this is even too much for me. (If the gal who willingly has been eating kale since before it was cool thinks you’ve crossed a line, maybe rethink your lines?)
10. OMG SOMEONE RECYCLE MY MAKEUP SPONGES, PRONTO. I can’t even put those things near my face without imagining them dipped in V8 now. Thanks for ruining all the things, green lady!
11. People will seriously use anyfrickinthing as long as they can order it online.
Please heavens above tell me that shell is not the applicator or holster or going anywhere near anyone’s delicate downfronts.
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I’ve seen too many episodes of Spongebob Squarepants to even entertain this idea.
And your #8 made me spit out my coffee. No. Just……..NO.
What the??? This can’t be a real thing. Please tell me that it was just a super convincing SNL skit. You’re in trouble for making me Google ‘moldy tampons’ now.
I’d rather have my uterus removed than use this. WTF?