It was a cranky morning.
I hustled my kids out of bed, into breakfast, into clean clothes, into backpacks, into the car, the whole while on a diatribe of epic proportions about not listening, being late, how they’re old enough to understand what’s expected of them.
Blah blah blah. Nag nag nag.
I was sick of my own voice before I even put the car in reverse.
We drove in silence. I was wrestling with the unfair frustration I already felt by 8am, and they were tired and not in the mood to test me much further.
I parked the car and walked them up the path to the school’s blacktop, holding my silence in order to keep the peace until it was time to kiss them “goodbye” for the next six hours. She leaned in and gave me a little squeeze, he fought my grip, worried his friends would see him accepting a mother’s affection.
Our awkward grapple over, I stood beneath the glossy green canopy of a tree I’ve stood beneath countless times before, and watched them walk side-by-side to the entrance, heads hanging.
Disappointment weighed on my heart.
We could do better than that.
Something in the breeze changed, and I felt my eyes drawn to a mom and her daughter as they approached. They, too, were quiet, until the mom kissed her on the head and gently said, “Be kind.”
Her daughter smiled up at her and turned away, not saying anything in reply. Peace washed over me.
I hadn’t run unto these two before. Not ever. But that morning I needed to hear that mom speak. I needed to see her daughter accept her words and move confidently into her day with them wrapped like a gentle cloak over her shoulders.
I needed to be reminded that sometimes the answer really is that simple.
Our morning could have gone more smoothly if the kids and I had just been kinder to one another. And ourselves. My impatience wasn’t kind. Their behavior wasn’t kind. We all could have done better.
So the next day I skipped the nagging, and used a gentler tone when reminding them of what we needed to do to get out on time in the morning. When I said goodbye, I quietly requested they be kind—to themselves, to others—as they went on with their days.
And then I said the same to myself.
Doing this totally changed the game.
Our lateness that rough morning allowed us to cross paths with that mom and daughter, and our whole family has benefited from it since then. It makes me think that we had to have such an uncomfortable, bad experience to clearly see in contrast what we could be doing, instead.
Because of that moment I witnessed, I now know the only thing I need to say to myself and my kids every day before we go out into this world are two little words that hold so many strong, beautiful objectives within them: Be kind.
Kim Bongiorno is an author, full time freelance writer, and the blogger behind Let Me Start By Saying. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter, hire her to write for you or speak at your event, subscribe to her much-loved Sunday newsletter, or buy her a cinnamon-sugar pretzel because she loves those things.
A version of this originally published on Mamalode.
LOVEd this and I teared up. I too rush every morning impatiently – it’s amazing what we can learn form others if we just open our eyes and hearts. GREAT post and I’m sharing the hell out of it. Happy to meet you.
Thank you so much. I really did just FEEL it when the mom said that to her kid. I knew.
Just like you needed to hear that mom on that morning, I needed to read this today. One of the last things my daughter said before she left to school this morning was “your voice is starting to get loud…” (in response to me losing my temper at the 5yo’s failed attempts to get dressed without wrestling himself for 5 minutes).
Doing this.
I’m so grateful that I heard her say it. It just was exactly what I needed to hear–and my kids. I swear to you that my mornings are better now.
Ugh. I wish I’d read this BEFORE I snapped at my husband and lost my temper with my teenage daughter this morning. *deep breath* Thanks for the reminder.
Love this post. The mornings are the times where I need the most reminders to be kind myself.
I want to marry this post. Amen, sister, amen! So true and so beautiful!
Beautiful post, Kim.
Two simple words that mean so much. I am so glad you heard them that morning and shared them here.
Awesome. Seriously.
Our family only has two rules…kindness and safety! Everything fits into that and what doesn’t, doesn’t matter!!!
Thank you
Our family mantra has been “Be Kind and Be Brave” for the past year. We say it to each other every morning before we leave to go to work and school. Then in the afternoon on the way home I ask how them, “how were you kind today?” or “Did you do anything brave today?” These questions get much more response than the typical “how was school today?” which is usually answered with a standard, “fine”.
Loved this post.
I love all you do for us! You’re an amazing lady. Thank You! I love all your books, blogs, they are so uplifting and I’m going to tell my grandsons ( 12 & 7 ) to start saying ‘be kind’, everyday! That is including myself, a new motto thanks to you.
Let me start by saying,
Keep up the good work!
God Bless
Linda