To my befuddlement, lots of people come here looking for House Rules ideas in order to keep their kids in line.
(clearly, these people are not regular readers of the chaos which is my home life)
Early last year, I shared the House Rules for kids we keep hung in our kitchen.
Let’s just say that since then? The list has grown – ahem – a bit.
The response to a photo I shared earlier today of House Rules #34-39 included quite a few people asking to see what was hidden between #18 & 34.
Ask? And ye shall receive.
Yes, there is a story behind each of these rules. Some I came up with, others the kids did, and the rest were a team effort.
Which is why this list most likely makes our home one of your Top Ten Homes You’d Least Likely Visit Without Wearing SWAT Team Gear.
Lest you think I made this up, please check out this piece of proof:
An unedited photo I just took of the crayon-scribbled list hanging in my kitchen, as I sit here at the kitchen table next to my kid who is getting a little too close to the wall with her markers.
Or you could just ask one of my friends, who like to check to see what’s been added to the list since their last visit. Because something’s always being added.
Read, enjoy, ask anything you want. You know you’re curious.
So. What’s your favorite rule from the list?
Do you have any House Rules we should consider adding?
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Kim Bongiorno is an author, full time freelance writer, and the blogger behind Let Me Start By Saying. Learn more by connecting with her on: Facebook · Twitter · Instagram · Goodreads · Amazon.com · BookBub · Newsletter · Book Announcement Mailing List
These are great and hilarious!! I can only imagine the scenarios that led to the making of each rule!! Haha! I’m gonna have to steal some of these for my house, although I can honestly say as crazy as it gets here, we’ve never had to incorporate the “no lighting anyone on fire” rule!!! Hahaha!:)
My daughter came up with that one out of the blue, totally on her own. Thankfully it hasn’t been “needed” yet, but she was so excited to have come up with it we had to add it.
Love this! 35 of these apply to my home…sadly.
Been sick, lots of TV on lately & they’ve been asking of everything from every ad – even the cleaning products!
Wow. And I thought 32 and 33 were unique to my house. We also have “Do not sit on anyones head without underwear on”
OK – I HAVE to ask HOW that rule came about……
Yes! We need that one, too…
This reminds me so much of the rewards system I have with my teens. I wrote about it here: http://walkingbetweenthegrapevines.blogspot.com/2012/01/just-when-you-thought-mom-was-done.html
Yes, it’s good to reward as well. That’s a whole ‘bother chart.
My daughter asked me what she could do to be Nice and get more smiley faces on her chart, and we have that as well.
Lol, I especially love #20
There used to be a joke here “it’s not a play date until Mr. T takes his pants off” for years…I finally got him to keep them on when we have company.
They are all awesome! But one that really stuck out to me was #11, about not lighting people on fire. 🙂
Had WE had that rule in OUR house growing up… well, let’s just say it would have saved me a very nice pair of 80’s-era designer jeans. And, quite the scare. But my brother didn’t mean any harm and in the end, we had a good laugh. 😉
If I could add a rule, I’d have to say…
If Mommy is taking a nap, PLEASE don’t tiptoe into the room, sneak up next to me all quiet and cat-like, bend carefully over my head, and then stage-whisper, “Mooom. MOM!” It scares the hell out of me and *that*, sweetheart, is the reason Mommy usually seems cranky after “naps.”
I dunno Kim, I am the rule queen in our neighborhood… but it seems like my kids just take them as some sort of a sick challenge. Is it just me?
My brother + firecrackers = We needed that rule, too. 😉
Oh…WHY must my kids come over and pry open my eyelid if I fall asleep for a nap??
Does 33 apply to Mr and Mrs Kim?
hilarious
Only applies to the kids, my friend. Don’t you worry.
You forgot “Do not lick anyone or anything at anytime for any reason”
Ah, yes. We have this problem.
@VW Lizard: HILARIOUS.
We should really have a rule that says, “No farting AT people” .
more rules just gives us more to aim for. YAY to overachievers. Thank you for a smile today.
Or on. Or close to their faces.
This is most assuredly the one we need the most
I am afraid to start writing the house rules down here, I’d end up with an encyclopedia sized book. I must say, almost all of these are on our list.
This list takes up quite a bit of the kitchen wall, I must admit. But it’s a nice reference point when the kids start acting like savages. 🙂
The absolute strangest one at our house and the one we have to enforce THE most is “No singing at the table.”
My daughter never ever EVER stops talking or singing and does so very loudly all the time. I love encouraging singing, but holy moly it NEVER ENDS.
We have Please and Thank You rules.
Do not use the water when someone is in the shower (6 people to shower)
You WILL change your sheets once a week
I can’t wait til my kids are old enough to add Chores to the list. Woo hoooo!!!
No fake crying. I need a shirt that says that!
I need wallpaper that says that.
Don’t talk to me while you’re pooping.
That has to be the biggest one in our house. (Oh and the singing at the table too)
We only have the one minion, but she’s enough to make anyone tired. I can’t imagine adding another to the mix!
Why do they decide to have long discussion with us while they’re on the crapper?
My 1st grader does this…I guess he’s inspired in there or something. But still. SHH!
My six-year-old doesn’t talk to anyone, but he sings while pooping.
omg FUNNY = you wrote them down and taped to the wall. i especially like the “doors no locking” and “pants on for playdates”
we any of yours and
NO SPITTING ANYTHING OUT OF STRAWS OR STRAWLIKE THINGS
NO SHOUTING/CRYING UNDER THE DOOR CRACK
THROW AWAY FOOD/DRINK ITEMS IN THE KITCHEN TRASH
NO COLORING/PAINT/MAKE PRETTY ANYONE WHILE THEY’RE SLEEPING
Yes, can you tell my 4.5yo wrote the “The Door No Locking” rule? lol!
Why must they try to crawl under the door crack while we’re on the toilet? WHY?
I’m just going to print this out and hang it on the fridge. Sadly, all apply.
I even did the background in the same yellow as my kitchen. It’ll be like you have a little piece of me with you at all times, reminding your children to not light one another on fire.
My favorite is “Tell someone you want to play tag before tagging them.” A useful rule if there ever was one 🙂
Seriously, this list is awesome. I love it.
You realize there was one kid on the floor and another proclaiming his innocence when this rule came about.
Hmmm.. These rules? In short word, DO NOT MOVE! lol! Oh my gosh, some of these refers to me.. most especially “Clean your own mess!”
That sounds about right.
No insulting
I like this! Hm, I guess it’s not on there. And oddly enough, my kids don’t really do this (yet).
Does “You have to wear pants when we have friends over” apply to the friends as well? I’m just curious.
We try to make sure everyone has at least one largish article of clothing on. I am not licensed to run a nudist colony.
We have similar rules in our house. They also include no sparkly makeup to kindergarten, if you have to cry please go in your room, no arguing about who is the oldest, youngest, or whose mommy I am. No stealing mommys diet coke.
Why do they argue about who’s bigger? We can all see who is actually, physically bigger. Why are we fighting about this?
These are absolutely hilarious! I love and use so many of them that I can only say that your #12 is our #1. I was checking my email the other morning when my 3yr old started playing with her trains and loudly choo-choo-ing along when her brother told her to be quiet. They started arguing, and I said, “um, excuse me?” – they both looked at me and the little one said, “Mommy is it okay if we argue because I seed you already did drink some coffee today…”
That. Is. Awesome.
In my house, they’re always lying on the floor lately (next to the very comfy couch). Then they start wrestling on the floor. No lying on the floor! I haven’t thought of posting the rule before 🙂
Posting them did help!
As it is 9am and my daughter is currently FAKE crying upstairs because her brother wants to play alone after waking her up early because he was bored, we need the rules here of: No waking anyone else up extra early in the morning, especially on a Saturday! and No telling someone you want to play with them, only to then run to your room and decide you want to play alone and slam the door in their face.
and early is not the 9am. it’s been a few hours already :/
Fake crying puts me over the edge.
no answering the door without permission & no barking, growling, or any loud animal noises while mommys on the phone!
Makes sense to me!
We have 4 boys & one of our rules is “We wear pants when we eat food at the table” 😉
Pooping is NOT a group event
Keep your boogers to yourself & preferably in your nose or tissue
Your head is not just for decoration, use it!
No ‘screeeeeching’ we are not caradactles
You can’t go back in, stay out from between my legs!
omg..#16 ..this list is heaven sent!
We’ve recently added “No Buying Turtles Online.” The kids are 15, 13, 7, and 5, and were left alone while I went to buy milk.
WAAAAAY to many rules, “no this no that , no no no NO NO!” yikes. Let them breathe. Let them think for themselves, or is that one of your rules too??? “NO Thinking unless I tell you what to think” HAHA.
while all the rules look sensible to me, I do agree with the last comment – too many, we’d go mad trying to enforce them all! 🙂 And most of the no-nos on the list, while more or less annoying, are rather harmless. Oh well, back to the world of shifting goal posts 😉
I know this is a really late comment to an old post, but how do you enforce these? What are their consequences or your follow-up? Genuinely curious!!
Carrie 🙂