Let me make this very clear for those of you who are still confused about why so many of us are angry right now. I have had boys I knew pull my hair without permission, hurting me because they thought I was pretty. I have had boys I knew snap my training bra strap without […]
People Who Should Not Have Kids (According to the Internet This Week)
I learn a lot from comment threads on the internet. Helpful things, like recipes, books my kids might like to read, how I shouldn’t be a mother. Stuff like that. I figured you might be busy today, so I scrolled through some of the things commenters have said in various comment threads on articles about […]
Why I Am Okay with My Daughter Being Heartbroken Over a Girl Named Ruby
A little girl named Ruby is breaking my daughter’s heart, and I’m okay with that. Her third grade class is watching the movie Ruby Bridges, the true story of a little African-American girl who integrated an all-white school in New Orleans by herself in 1960, per court order. My daughter and her peers view it […]
How Being a Parent is Like Being on Supernatural
Sam and Dean Winchester from the CW’s Supernatural are basically you and me. I learned this because I love a good TV binge: they cleanse your soul. At least, they cleanse mine, because I binge from my special corner spot on the couch in the basement, where I cannot see all the housework (or family […]
The Two Words I Say to My Kids Every Day
It was a cranky morning. I hustled my kids out of bed, into breakfast, into clean clothes, into backpacks, into the car, the whole while on a diatribe of epic proportions about not listening, being late, how they’re old enough to understand what’s expected of them. Blah blah blah. Nag nag nag. I was sick […]
54 Things To Do Before Having Kids
I don’t know whether you’ve ever heard this before, but parenthood changes a few things about your life. Not, like, everything. I mean, you’re still human beings who breathe and stuff after you have some offspring. But preeeetty much everything else changes—at least for a while. As a card-carrying member of the Yep, I Procreated […]
81 Things Dads Do That Make Us Weak in the Knees
My friends and I agree: fatherhood makes guys more attractive. Sexier. Just plain old hotter. Sure, the dads on TV and in movies are usually made to look like bumbling dolts, but I think we all know that’s completely incorrect. My experience has been that dads can be pretty awesome, involved, and have the magical ability to make […]
A Calm, Reasoned Argument For and Against Eating Your Cute Fat Baby
The following is based on an actual conversation about eating babies. Don’t act like you haven’t had one of those. Jeff has questions. I have facts. Let’s see where this goes—I’ll let him start. JEFF: Seriously, what the hell is it with you people and eating babies? Look, I like eating and I like kids. […]
How to Get Your Kids to Bed
1. Begin The Countdown to Bedtime warnings at 15 minute intervals at least 2 hours before you actually want them in bed. 2. Tell them10x each to use the toilet, wash their hands and faces, brush teeth, get PJs on. 3. Threaten to cancel/throw away something—anything—fun if they don’t get in the bathroom RIGHT NOW […]
Emojis for Parents
Recently, a massive new batch of emojis was released on the social media world, but I can’t really find much emotive use for an acorn, eggplant, or cat face with hearts over its eyes. I pretty much never use anything more than a wink or the steaming pile of poop in daily correspondence. I’m guessing these […]