Toasting My Boobs

I hope someday we can all eat bagels after our Mammograms

I don’t think about my boobs much. Unless I’m rolling them up from their natural Worn Gym Sock state and strategically forming each of them back into something that Resembles a Boob in one of my expensive bras that give the illusion of perkiness. Or when they are grabbed by my kids in an attempt [...]


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I knew it when I opened my bedroom door that morning. The air was thick.  Like inhaling anger. I tied my robe a bit tighter at the waist, and went to the kitchen. My brother cast me a look from the table.  He’s still here, it said. But my appointment’s today.  Is it still on? [...]


I like stuff. I have been told many times that I am easy to shop for.  If you can’t figure out what kind of gift I would like to receive after knowing me for more than a week and seeing my home at least once, you’re clearly an idiot. What also makes shopping for me [...]

Boobs & Burglars

Today a bunch of people are gonna check out my rack. A twinge, an odd sensation, and my OB/GYN made me an appointment for a mammogram and a breast ultrasound.  With the new family history*, anything out of the ordinary at all makes her furrow her brow and send me to Radiology. *I’m calling it [...]

She’s Got My Back

The family history went from One Expected Diagnosis to What The Hell Is Going On? in a matter of months. The medical records went from No Need To Look to We Should Probably Look Everywhere in a matter of months. The doctors are searching me all over just to be sure.  Ultrasounds, x-rays, blood samples, [...]