I find the original Santa, Baby song to be totally…icky. It is creepy and dirty and the women who sing it tend to be purring like a cat in heat or breathier than a phone sex operator. Gross. These days, it is EVERYWHERE. No matter how hard I try, I can neither avoid it nor […]
My Kids Ruined My Back Door. Again.
My back door is broken again. And if by “back door” you think I mean the thing in my family room that opens up to the patio? You’re wrong. I mean my Asshole. My Asshole is broken. Again. It worked perfectly fine before I had kids. Then they came along, did what kids do when […]
How Being A Parent is Like Being A Rock Star
1. Endless hours on the road with too many people in the vehicle. 2. Your job is to entertain a room full of loud, writhing maniacs. 3. If you do your job well, people ask when you’ll produce more. 4. You ask yourself daily: “Am I tripping? Or did I really just see that?” 5. Your […]
House Rules
It seems I need to explain this Facebook post/Tweet a little more. So here you go…. Do you have House Rules? Do you post them somewhere in your home? We used to just have house rules in concept, but I had to remind the kids of them each of the 400x a day they’d break a rule. […]