I’ve had enough, ThankYouVeryMuch. 1. Rice My kid doesn’t eat it. She celebrates gravity with it. Then I have to make her celebrate the Swivel Sweeper with it. 2. Black Magic Markers Kids never use any color other than this to write all over their bodies. I don’t think I need to bother with the other […]
Things I Said: Coffee Before Vulvas Edition
~ ~ ~ My kids are weird. That is all. <– That is a button you can click for past Things I Said ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ How did you not notice you were wearing 2 pairs of underwear all day? We’re not talking about vulvas or penises […]
Exploding Pants & My Bagel Belly: Are They Related?
My Bagel Belly has risen. Again. Not surprising since it is, in fact, made of dough, and I have been eating Cookie Butter like I’m preparing for some Dessert Apolocalypse. I’m not quite vain enough to cry over the expansion of my Bagel Belly, and yes, I’ve written about the perks of losing your figure, but I […]
Sitting on a Couch With a Bunch of Balloons
I used to sleep in on weekends. Head into downtown Manhattan. Walk around SoHo. Brunch with friends at funky cafés. I’d wander through designer boutiques for hours, splurge on a new handbag, then have a $2 slice of the best pizza anywhere before heading onto the ferry back home. Fast-forward to now. Last weekend I […]
Yet Again, I Show Strangers My Ass
A bunch of people saw my ass yesterday. You’d think I’d be used to this by now. But(t), usually when people see my ass I know it is about to happen. Yesterday morning, I heard a rip. I saw a little hole in the crotch of my linen pants. Meh, it’s not like I do split-leaps […]
Attention Moms: You WANT This.
My girl Ilana over at Mommy Shorts has something very exciting to tell you today. So get on over there now, by clicking the button below. I SAID NOW. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ If you are new to Let Me Start By Saying…welcome! Get to know me by checking […]
A Weekend of Spa, Golf, Wink-Wink Time, Injuries, Spills, & A Plastic Flamingo
This past weekend, Husband and I took off for West Palm Beach, Florida for a Grown-Up Weekend of “reconnecting”. Just me and him. Together. Alone. You know what that means, right? He golfed, I read & spa-ed, we met for dinner. So romantic! Here are some of the highlights: ~ I confirmed that I am […]
SpongeBob & Being “That Mom”
When my son was in Kindergarten, a funny new friend of mine (the mom of his bestest bud in class) walked up to me one morning and slapped me in the arm. A bit surprised at being hit before 9am, I asked: “Ummm….what was that for?” She shook her head, pointed an accusatory finger and […]
Things I Said: The Penis Edition
~ ~ ~ Penises, everywhere.. The story of my life. <– That is a button you can click for past Things I Said ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ You: Keep your eyes on your penis and watch where you’re peeing. You: Keep your eyes off his penis and just […]
Kids & TV: The Good, The Bad, The Free Babysitting
I am pretty much a professional basketball player dressed as a SAHM. My job is to play with a bunch of immature people all the time. We get sweaty, there’s yelling, fancy sneakers, high-fives, lots of running, sometimes there’s even cursing or hitting, Time Outs get called on a regular basis. The main difference is […]