The following is based on an actual conversation about eating babies. Don’t act like you haven’t had one of those. Jeff has questions. I have facts. Let’s see where this goes—I’ll let him start. JEFF: Seriously, what the hell is it with you people and eating babies? Look, I like eating and I like kids. […]
How to Get Your Kids to Bed
1. Begin The Countdown to Bedtime warnings at 15 minute intervals at least 2 hours before you actually want them in bed. 2. Tell them10x each to use the toilet, wash their hands and faces, brush teeth, get PJs on. 3. Threaten to cancel/throw away something—anything—fun if they don’t get in the bathroom RIGHT NOW […]
Emojis for Parents
Recently, a massive new batch of emojis was released on the social media world, but I can’t really find much emotive use for an acorn, eggplant, or cat face with hearts over its eyes. I pretty much never use anything more than a wink or the steaming pile of poop in daily correspondence. I’m guessing these […]
The 10 Facebook Friends You Need to Keep
The term “Facebook friend” is a tricky little phrase, indeed. We accept most of these requests not because we genuinely want to connect with these people whose calls we’ve been dodging, but because it’d be totally awkward to not accept them. This means most of us spend our days rolling our eyes and scanning past […]
31 Days of Summer Fun with Kids
Summer days can be looong when you have kids at home, so I did a bit of research on Pinterest and came up with a 31-day plan to keep us occupied. I think you’ll agree that it is both educational and accurate. Enjoy! From adorable optimism to totally giving up: 31 Days of “Summer Fun” with […]
A Message for My Beloved Children Who Insist Their Lives Are Really Really Hard
Dear Beloved Children Who Insist Their Lives Are Really Really Hard, Oh, my sweet pups. You have no idea what you’re talking about. The two of you live with both parents in a lovely home in Suburban New Jersey that has a snack selection that rivals the average Whole Foods store. I was the sixth kid […]
When a BFF isn’t a Friend, After All
“She says if I don’t do what she tells me to do then we can’t be BFFs anymore.” I hated—hated—those words coming from my daughter’s lips. But I had a feeling they were coming. My six-year-old dances through life confident, bright, independent – and with a big friendly grin on her face. The main comment […]