8 Non-Chocolate Gifts I Want for Valentine’s Day


So, we all know that Valentine’s Day is coming soon.  Most of you will be receiving (or buying yourself) heavy boxes full of mouth-watering chocolatey confections. Which I am allergic to. Godiva Truffles, pyramids of golden-foiled Ferrero Rochers, fist-sized peanut butter cups from boutique chocolatiers, luscious strawberries dipped and dried in dark chocolate tuxedoes. The […]

Toasting My Boobs

I hope someday we can all eat bagels after our Mammograms

I don’t think about my boobs much. Unless I’m rolling them up from their natural Worn Gym Sock state and strategically forming each of them back into something that Resembles a Boob in one of my expensive bras that give the illusion of perkiness. Or when they are grabbed by my kids in an attempt […]

For Now


They scream. They whine.  Holy crap do they whine.* * Thus my motto: Too Much Whine, Not Enough Wine They fill my couches with a cement-like concoction of graham cracker crumbs, yogurt and snot. He gave me hemmorhoids.  She made them worse. She gesticulates wildly when I ask/tell/demand her to do something when I am […]