We don’t want to think about it, but we need to. If your tweens and teens have phones, I encourage you to add some Emergency Contacts. Not just the neighbors whose houses they can pop over if they lock themselves out, or Grandma to come pick them up from practice in a pinch. I mean […]
Leftovers
There is a violent splatter of pasta sauce on my kitchen ceiling. I have four loads of bath towels and ten sets of bedding to wash. About six of my wedding crystal wine glasses are shattered, sitting in black garbage bags by the curb. The fridge in the garage is chock-full of catering food I […]
I Was Calm and Reasonable: A Christmas Tree Story
I was calm and reasonable. Our fully-decorated 10′ tree fell overnight, but I kept calm. I made sure the kids knew the ornaments were only “things,” and I’d take care of the mess. I’d save as much as I could. I’d be careful not to get cut on the glass littering the living room. Then […]
The Value of a Quarter
Summer break was barely a couple weeks along, but she had been begging for permission to run a lemonade stand since the bell rang on the last day of school. I agreed to Saturday afternoon, if it was sunny—not stifling—out. The day came and I followed through on my promise, despite not really being up for the labor, […]
The Two Words I Say to My Kids Every Day
It was a cranky morning. I hustled my kids out of bed, into breakfast, into clean clothes, into backpacks, into the car, the whole while on a diatribe of epic proportions about not listening, being late, how they’re old enough to understand what’s expected of them. Blah blah blah. Nag nag nag. I was sick […]
Her Favorite Thing About Hand-Me-Downs
I’ve always seen hand-me-downs as a practical solution. Older kids are done with clothes. Younger kids are about to get bigger and will need new clothes. When my son is ready for the next size up, I pack everything that he has outgrown and bring it to his younger twin cousins the next time I […]
A Letter to My Daughter Who I Believe In
Dear Daughter, When we bought our house I was too tired to use tools or do math, so I hired a baby-proofer to run through and make it less likely to give me heart attacks as you and your brother explored its sharp nooks and dangerous crannies. Just to be extra safe, the cabinets under […]
54 Things To Do Before Having Kids
I don’t know whether you’ve ever heard this before, but parenthood changes a few things about your life. Not, like, everything. I mean, you’re still human beings who breathe and stuff after you have some offspring. But preeeetty much everything else changes—at least for a while. As a card-carrying member of the Yep, I Procreated […]
A Calm, Reasoned Argument For and Against Eating Your Cute Fat Baby
The following is based on an actual conversation about eating babies. Don’t act like you haven’t had one of those. Jeff has questions. I have facts. Let’s see where this goes—I’ll let him start. JEFF: Seriously, what the hell is it with you people and eating babies? Look, I like eating and I like kids. […]
31 Days of Summer Fun with Kids
Summer days can be looong when you have kids at home, so I did a bit of research on Pinterest and came up with a 31-day plan to keep us occupied. I think you’ll agree that it is both educational and accurate. Enjoy! From adorable optimism to totally giving up: 31 Days of “Summer Fun” with […]