The best thing I can say about my experience in giving gifts to my husband for occasions like Father’s Day is that at least I still have my optimism.
Every birthday, anniversary, and holiday, I try to think of the perfect gift for him months in advance. I plot and plan and even have friends order the items and have them shipped to their homes, so he can’t see the charges or shake the boxes when they arrive (that S.O.B. always shakes the boxes), but it never ever ever ends well.
That time I was researching new grills for our patio? He showed up after work with one in the trunk of the car.
The fluffy orange blanket I got for his office couch? Our kids stole it.
That time I was going to go all-out and get him an Apple watch? The doorbell rang and the postman handed over the box to the one my husband had ordered for himself.
The hammock I managed to assemble by myself and perch under a shady tree in our yard? Every single kid in the neighborhood decided to try it out at the same time, jacking it up, and before I could fix it, a hurricane blew in and tore it apart for good.
So, in summary, the things standing between me and a good gift-giving experience are the recipient, himself, our beloved yet sometimes feral offspring, and natural frickin’ disasters.
Now, back when we started dating and we were still awkward around each other, giving one another shitty massages was the way we connected. Oh—are your shoulders tight? Let me see if I can’t help with that. WINK. WINK. We were also young and adorable and still trying to make a good impression on each other, so neither of us would admit that those flirty massages made the giver’s hands cramp up like whoa and the recipient feel like they were being rubbed down by a wonky egg beater.
That got me thinking: what if I surprised him with a massage like we used to do? Cute, right? At first I thought I could wing it because it’s the thought that counts (← LIES), then acknowledged that I’d most likely somehow manage to permanently injure him in the process (we ain’t spring chickens anymore, my friends). So I checked out a great series of quick online instructional massage videos for couples by Melt, which I’m fairly confident will help me avoid a trip to the ER on my husband’s special day.
What’s more romantic and thoughtful than avoiding permanent damage to your beloved’s neck region on his special day? Nothing I can think of.
I’ll let you know how it goes, for come hell or high water or natural disaster or maniacal children, he WILL have a nice gift this year, dammit!
If you want to not accidentally strangle/break your sweetie, too, CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED.
The Quick & Dirty on What You’ll Get:
- These are short, sometimes funny, PG-rated lessons on how to give each other massages that you’ll actually enjoy and appreciate.
- Learn everything from the basics to getting those knots out to releasing the bad tension and bringing on the good tension IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. (You know what I mean…right?)
- Lifetime access to the videos.
- 60 day money back guarantee.
- Payment plan available.
- He’ll learn to give YOU back rubs and foot rubs, too. WOO HOO!
This post was sponsored by Melt, but the terrible gift-giving experiences and honest opinions are all mine.