My friends and I agree: fatherhood makes guys more attractive. Sexier. Just plain old hotter.
Sure, the dads on TV and in movies are usually made to look like bumbling dolts, but I think we all know that’s completely incorrect. My experience has been that dads can be pretty awesome, involved, and have the magical ability to make us swoon while standing in line at the neighborhood ice cream truck surrounded by their progeny.
I’d like to take a moment to share some of the many ways dads are wooing the women around them without even realizing it (yes, I polled some friends). I think it’s about time someone tells them all the things they are doing very, very right. Don’t you agree, ladies?
1. Squat down to toddler eye-level to listen to what the kid has to say. (Oh sweet cheeses does this stop us in our yoga-panted tracks.)
2. Wear a baby.
3. Push a stroller while wearing a baby.
4. Push a stroller while wearing a baby and holding the hand of another kid all at the same time like a boss. (WARNING: High risk of swooning!)
5. Adore the illegible, scribbly thing their kid drew/wrote.
6. Dramatically fall when their puny kids tackle them.
7. How their eyes crinkle when they smile. (← OMG this)
8. Their laughter.
9. Their faces when they act wildly amazed at something their kids do.
10. Walk around holding a small child in their arms. (Bonus points if they’re doing so in a thin grey t-shirt.)
11. Accidentally flash a peek of stomach or hip while they’re in the midst of childcare, reminding you of what’s under their clothes.
12. When they wear your flowery pink rubber gloves while washing the dishes.
13. Throw the LEGO that you stepped on away because it dared hurt their woman. (Modern cavemen are so hot.)
14. The way their bodies move when they push their kids on swings.
15. Be depended on to be the main caregiver of small children without losing any of their masculinity. (So many bonus points if they maintain that masculinity while having pretty pink glitter toenails from daddy-daughter pedicure night.)
16. Their shoulders and backs from lifting small humans on the regular. (Mmmmm…)
17. Think you got your hair done today when you didn’t do a damn thing.
18. Drive around in a minivan that looks like an ovary on wheels and own that shit like it somehow increases their testosterone levels.
19. Get more excited about taking the kids to see a new kid’s movie than the kids are.
20. Get choked up to tears due to some simple joy of fatherhood.
21. Save the day when it comes to spiders, rodents, and toilets. (Even though you can, too.)
22. Be smart enough to be of actual help with the kids’ homework. (Even though you are, too.)
23. Remember to wash your bras on delicate and hang them to dry.
24. Quietly fulfill their wives “silly” requests for them without a word, despite having rolled their eyes about it only days ago.
25. Their butts in jeans. (YEP.)
26. Be really kind to other moms who are clearly having a bad parenting day.
27. Be able to have fun or meaningful conversations with other adults in between answering the kids’ questions about SpongeBob.
28. Round up the neighborhood kids so they can all play baseball in the yard together.
29. Be funny and smart at the same time. (Yes yes yes OH YES.)
30. Be shirtless while napping with a shirtless baby on their chests.
31. Anything that shows their complete commitment to being a dad.
32. Remember your friends’ names and your kids’ friends’ names.
33. Figure out some parenting problem without help and look pleased as punch for doing so.
34. Knead Play-Doh. (Trust me.)
35. Sleep with kids all on and around them in bed, leaving room on your side to actually get uninterrupted sleep without any little feet in your kidney/ear.
36. Come back from working out all sweaty and flushed, but answer all the kids needs before they disappear again to shower up. (This should be gross but it isn’t—it is the very opposite of gross.)
37. Regularly reach out to check in on your sanity when you have a long stretch without their help.
38. Point out all the best lines from Indiana Jones and Star Wars while watching them with their kids (i.e. educating youths).
39. Show gentle affection for their kids when they get scared or hurt.
40. Ride roller coasters with their kids so you can stand around noshing on cotton candy without barfing.
41. Look at their wives who are covered in snot, macaroni necklaces, saggy baby weight, random stickers, and quite possibly some poop, like they are walking, talking pin-up girls.
42. Enter a room full of mothers and be comfortable with it.
43. Proudly do something they’re usually modest about just because their kids asked them to.
44. Kiss you just to make your kids run from the room screaming, “EWWWW, Dad!”
45. Give their kids a bath and end up with a damp, clingy shirt. (Again with the arms and the shirt, I KNOW.)
46. Blow-dry their little girls’ wet hair.
47. Brush their little girls’ tangled hair.
48. Make ponytails for their daughters and their daughters’ dolls.
49. Shirtless breakfast-making with bedhead in full effect. (CannIgettaAMEN?)
50. Be your calm when you’re upset.
51. Be really mad for you when you need to be calm.
52. Brag to other parents about their kids in a non-braggy way.
53. Cook mac & cheese for the kids and something real for you two.
54. Mow the lawn so the kids can play out there. Or vacuum. Or mop. Or all three in one day. (HAVE MERCY.)
55. Simply hand you your coffee the way you like it while the kids attack you in the morning.
56. Take all the kids to the grocery store without complaint.
57. Buy all the things you need for your busted vagina and achy boobs after you give birth, no questions asked.
58. Know which diapers to buy without asking and pay full price on them without complaining. (Is it getting hot in here, or..?)
59. Surprise you by cleaning your minivan.
60. Stop a public tantrum in its tracks and make the kid start giggling instead.
61. The way their forearms look as they walk holding their kids’ hands. (Sleeves rolled up below the elbow = magically delicious.)
62. Make up crazy fun games to play with the kids that make them look fairly insane while playing it.
63. Go along with whatever imaginary friend is sitting next to them today, according to the preschoolers who insist they make polite conversation.
64. Volunteer to bring the kids to school on the way to work to save you a trip.
65. Put his hands on your face and kiss you in a way that makes it seem like you just met, despite the litter of kids running around the house. (I just fainted.)
66. The look on their faces when you know what they want to do with you even though there’s no opportunity at that moment because, well, kids.
67. Round up kids to help him with yard work, wash the car, do some project they’ll only make more complicated.
68. Coach the kids’ soccer team. (Helloooooo soccer shorts!)
69. Do work around the house without being annoyed at the toys and dust and small noisy people everywhere they need to be.
70. Wrap gifts up and take the kids to other kids’ birthday parties.
71. Make the bed.
72. Walk the dog when they get home from work because you had a long day.
73. Lock up the house at night to make sure everyone is safe before they go to bed.
74. Spot-treat the kids’ laundry. (Rub rub rub.)
75. Match tiny baby socks before putting them away. (Scientific fact: Big men holding tiny socks makes ovaries ache in a very good way.)
76. Be enthusiastic about living room tea parties they are cordially invited to by little princesses. (Breathing into paper bag before I lose consciousness over swoony adorableness.)
77. Swim with the kids.
78. Smile at something their wives said. (Again with the eye crinkle.)
79. How they get better looking with age, and think we do, too.
80. Play catch with a kid who never catches and still find it fun.
81. “Honey, why don’t you go out with the girls this weekend? I got the kids covered.”
Thanks guys! Keep up the good work!