What I love about you people is that when I casually ask for your old prom photos so I can laugh at them, you simply do not hesitate.
Or I, you.
So let’s get this promtastic party started.
Behold, my 1990’s obsessions with all things TSO (Teal, Sparky, and Oversized):
You know who else liked teal?
(You know, besides anyone with good taste?)
Don’t worry, I managed to tone it down…once.
For my semi-formal dance get-up, I covered myself in cheap-ass lace and a bouffant. Très chic!
It took me about 20 years, but I DID find someone who dressed similarly to me that night. Though, I am a little jealous of Alicia of Naps Happen‘s dots and deliciously mushroomy hair:
Ok. Sooo…maybe I did prefer to go a bit over the top at proms.
I mean, would you let your little girl go out at night dressed like a 70s lounge singer/call girl? My parents did.
This is what happens when you’re the last of 6 kids: no one remembers to tell you how totally inappropriate this outfit is:
And don’t be so quick to judge me. I’m not the only harloted-up kid heading to prom.
Check out Dana from Long Island. She wore a long, tight, hot pink mullet dress to prom, and even had itty bitty tuxedoes painted on her long fake nails. Take THAT, Judgy McJudgertons!
Speaking of Long Island: Do they only let you attend prom there if you have big brown hair and an affinity for even bigger ruffles/bows? Or, in Suzanne‘s case, polka dots? Also: I guarantee there’s a banana clip hidden in there somewhere…
Who else had epic hair? None other than Johi of Confessions of a Cornfed Girl. I don’t even know what to say.
But try as they might, no one–and I mean NO ONE–can match the adorableness-to-hair-height ratio of the lovely DG of Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess. Once you’re able to drag your eyes away from that impressive coif, I do believe you’ll see that her tapestry-fabric gown has an elegant lace overlay. How Madonna does Elvira!
You know who else made curtains look fabulous? Jenna of Made More Beautiful.
Oh, honey, you’re damn right you made linebacker-sized shoulder poufs more beautiful. And when you had no poufs to pose in? I love that you stepped up your game with your hair. BAM.
While we’re admiring someone who adapts to all her promming desires, how about we throw a special shout-out to those VIPs who manage to look day-um fie-yun both comin’ AND goin’?
Have you ever noticed that some people seem to age backwards in prom photos?
For example, my beloved Nicole Leigh Shaw. Does she just have a fabulous skin care routine, or is it something else?
Did she just get younger as her formal dances went on, or am I imagining things?
Then again, some girls tend to start young and innocent, and next thing you know they’re wearing shiny green dresses that practically show their chi-chis, and tying velvet chokers around their necks.
I’m looking’ at YOU, Lori of The Next Step Blog.
We haven’t talked about three of THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTORS when it comes to 80s proms:
3. Terrible prom themes
The delightful Kristin of Two Cannoli proves that it is, in fact, possible to rock Sun-Inned copper curls in XL fringe and a massive rosette in between your ta-tas while imagining yourself “in the heart of the Orient.” She’s a jack of all themes!
One of my favorite touches of prom is the photo backdrop. Sure, many of us did the tried-and-true gazebo shoot, or the simple grey sheet pose, but how many of us can say the photographer deliberately framed our prom photo to ensure that our itty bitty wannabe wedding dress and loopy “pearl” necklace shared equal spotlight with a variety of black and white plastic props?
Yes, Robyn Welling of Hollow Tree Ventures is cute as a button in her prom photo, but holy crap on a cracker how FABULOUS are the fake marble balls surrounding her?? Is that a tall paper accordion stuffed with marbleized glassine black and white flowers in it behind her? MOVE ASIDE, WELLING. YOU’RE BLOCKING THE TRUE BEAUTY OF THIS MEMORY.
Shut the front door.
I’ve gone MINUTES since talking about mullets. My apologies.
You know who truly appreciates mullets? Joy of Comfytown Chronicles.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a mullet. Go ahead. This is a safe place.
Okay. Now, back to prom themes.
Some of us made up our own prom themes. Like Leigh of Leigh Bones. Seems back in the day, her parents weren’t too keen on the fact that her sweet boyfriend wasn’t of the same color palette as her. Determined not to miss the big night with her boo, she held her own Black & White-themed prom by attending with her buddy but meeting up with her honey once they arrived. Thus? Double the fun, double the prom photos.
(But shhhh…her mom still doesn’t know!)
Side note: gentlemen, if your prom date is wearing a WEDDING DRESS instead of a prom dress, there’s a chance she’s trying to get her hooks in you.
Take Stephanie of Binkies and Briefcases, for example. Wore “wedding prom dress.” Ended up marrying the guy she went to prom with.
A special award must go out to Katy of I Want a Dumpster Baby. She not only sported the Teenaged Bride look as well, but THREE other distinct prom styles including: Elizabeth Banks as Bridemaid, Sister Wife #7, and Screw You Evita That’s MY Dress.
Yep, that’s 4 proms in 4 years. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
I couldn’t possibly end with such a happy teenager.
Uh. No way.
So I bring you the final, most accurate prom picture I have ever seen.
I call it the “Mo-oooom. Just TAKE the PICTURE already. Sheesh.”
Doesn’t Janel of 649.133 look just bursting with joyous anticipation?
Soon I’ll be attending one last prom, and if you want to see the kind of crazy get-ups everyone wears to it, just search #NickMomProm on Twitter on or after June 7th. Have a great old picture of your own prom? Tweet it to @NickMom with that same hashtag. I promise not to laugh. (No I don’t.)