There Are Much Worse Ways to Fly, My Friends

Did you hear about that 16-year-old kid who snuck into the wheel well of an airplane and flew to Hawaii?

People are up in arms about how dangerous it was, but as someone who has flown all over the place with her kids since they were born, it got me thinking: Sure it was a claustrophobic, freezing-cold ride with minimal oxygen…but he got to do it alone.

[Insert mental image of mothers across the country fantasizing about flying alone…]

In the past I’ve shared my tips for traveling with kids and what I find befuddling about airports, but today all I can do is reminisce about the many worse ways to fly than by spooning a giant filthy airplane wheel of danger at 38,000 feet:

  • Next to a kid in her “Why?” stage
  • While nursing a newborn and chasing a toddler who thinks it’s a damn hoot to run up and down the aisle
  • With teething twins…seated in front of you as you sit between your own two kids who won’t stop whining about the crying, teething twins keeping them from napping on the plane
  • Seated in front of the toilets during a stomach flu outbreak (ahhh…good times, Thanksgiving 2013!)
  • With a kid too old for a bottle and too young to follow your “How to Pop Your Ears” instructions
  • When the iPad ran out of battery 2 hours too early due to a delay on the tarmac
  • With any song from any kids’ movie stuck in your head on repeat
  • In front of a kid who Just. Won’t. Stop. Kicking. Your. Seat.
  • With a lap child who has a case of Ants in His Pants
  • Between someone who looks like Gru from Despicable Me and your kid who cannot stop pointing and shouting, “MAMA IT’S GRU! FROM DESPICABLE ME! HE’S REAL! HE’S BALD! HE LOOKS SO CRANKY! HE HAS THE SAME HUGE NOSE JUST LIKE GRU!”

Worse Ways to Travel than in a Wheel Well by Kim Bongiorno

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