I’m a college drop-out.
There. I said it.
Some people are surprised about this. Some are decidedly not. Some don’t even care.
It’s something that bothers me. I highly value education, but Life got in the way of mine, so I learned what I know by living, trying, and working really hard to figure it out.
The thing is, I don’t want my own kids to point to me and say, “Why do we have to go to college, if you never finished it?”
And here’s the hilarious irony of it all: I was going to school to be a teacher.
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
Oh. Poop.
I’ve had an argument in my head for the past decade or so: If I make myself successful on my own–the hard way and the long way–without college, is that a Get Out of Jail Free Card for not getting my degree? Or should I go get my degree no matter what, just to show my kids that I wanted it and did it, even though I didn’t “need” to?
I was going to school so I could teach Literature. I have always loved teaching, reading, writing, and the smell of paper and ink. Though I had to leave college, I always found my way to train someone or write something in pretty much every job I held since then. I had to work to survive, and I made the best of the jobs I could get, but I could never shake my innate love of teaching and writing.
Never.
So here I am, 20 years from that day when I got the college acceptance letter, confident I was on my way to a career that surrounded me with words and put me at the front of the class, eyes on me.
Who knew that I’d end up alone in my home, doing my teaching and writing and reading in the way that I do–and without a degree in hand?
How do I handle this for my kids’ sake? They know I’m happy. They’re proud of me, as much as a 6 & 8-year-old can be. But will they be prouder of me if I get a degree just to be a good example for them?
Balancing my desire to be a good role model for my kids and desire to just do what makes me happy is rather tricky.
So far, my body of work (and trust me, it has been work to make it all happen) makes me proud:
– I’ve been writing online for 11 years
– I’ve been getting paid to write for 2 years
– I wrote my own short story collection and self-published it (even photographed & designed the cover), getting 5-star reviews from people who didn’t even realize how much I loved to write fiction
– I have had humor essays of mine published in 3 books, and received great responses to each of them
– I finished writing my first YA novel manuscript, signed with a literary agent, and will soon be submitting it to publishing houses. (Can you say “So close to a dream come true I could vomit”? I sure can.)
– I was brought in to teach two sessions at a new blogging and writing conference this June
– I’ve had posts go viral, been on TV and webTV to discuss my work, had people show up to book signings, won awards, and even have had people send me private messages to tell me that something I wrote helped them out in one way or another
And this week I announced that I’m in my 4th humor anthology, I Just Want to Be Alone:
(The official release date is March 22nd, but the expectation is that this is going to be hugely popular, so Amazon has decided to open it for pre-orders already. You can also add I Just Want to Be Alone to your Goodreads shelf.)
Yes, you can Pre-order it now in paperback
Of course you can also Pre-order it now for Kindle
This is where I ask:
Is this enough? Have I been successful enough without the degree? If not, what would be “successful enough”?
– Making the New York Times Bestsellers list?
– A certain annual salary?
– Getting a book deal? A multi-book deal?
– …???
To be honest, I feel good about where I am. I don’t feel the need to get that degree, other than to set an example for my kids. I feel successful, happy, in a great place. I know I’m just hung up on the whole college degree matter, but it’s something that’s been on my mind since I dropped out of college 18 years ago.
Do I let it go? Or go for it?
I just don’t know.
What are your thoughts on the value of a degree? How about the effectiveness of “Do as I say, not as I do”? How do you define success?
Do you have a degree?
If not, are you “successful enough” to never get one? Are you okay telling your kids they should get one, even if you don’t have one?
Am I alone in this conflict?
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I was… Let’s say a “troubled youth.” I got kicked out of school halfway through junior year. I got my G.E.D. and took a couple of community college classes, but that’s it. I didn’t really have the opportunity to go to college. I’m doing okay, but it took a LOT of luck and hard work. I don’t want that for my son. Sure, it’s POSSIBLE to succeed without a degree, but it’s a hell of a lot easier if you do have one. I want his life to be easier than mine. Isn’t that the ultimate goal?
I feel like this, too. Then again, my husband had the easy road and I had the hard road, but we’re both doing okay at almost 40. Can I say either of us is better off for the road we took? Nope. We each learned different lessons. It’s something I think a lot about.
I have a college degree, but I also don’t have a husband or kids and so always just kind of planned on doing it all on my own. It was just kind of assumed–by me and most other people–that college was the thing to do after high school, even if I wasn’t sure what I wanted to “be.” Eventually I found my path and settled where I am now, but if something else had happened before I graduated and I was offered my “dream” job, I would have been tempted to take it. Having that degree is great and something I value, but a piece of paper doesn’t guarantee success or happiness or even stability. Yes, I write for a living, but I blog to make me happy. My job doesn’t provide that for me, but it provides that stability. Sometimes you have to trade off and just make things work.
My long-winded point leads up to saying I think you just lead by example. You work hard. You have passion. You enjoy what you do. I would rather be around that person-and would be more inspired by that person-than by someone with a degree who hates their job and doesn’t enjoy their life. You go, girl. 😉
I love all of this, Thanks, Abby.
You want to be a good role model for your kids but you’re bound to mess it up one way or another. The best you can do is instill a love of learning in them which it sounds like you’ve been able to do. Honestly though, all kids are a little different. My very, successful, college educated husband and I (the girl who dropped out of art school) have 5 kids. The quiet one who aced every test and actually enjoyed doing his homework went straight to college and dropped straight out after the first semester. The defiant picky one with a chip on his shoulder, took some community college and then joined the navy and became one of the most responsible young men I’ve ever known. The two happy-go-lucky, space cadets, both got their GEDs and have somehow managed to make it (separately) on their own despite lacking any formal training. And the youngest, the only girl in the bunch, will graduate next year and plans on doing vocational school for sonograms. Each had a different plan and in the end it appears all will work out okay. lol Of course, as moms we tend to worry no matter what.
You’re so right, you really are.
I had this same conversation with my son’s AP(assistant principal) today. I don’t have a degree but I had a career before kids, now I write, getting paid sometimes. The world is a different place than it was for us. 30 years ago when I was making those decisions not everyone went to college, especially in Australia. I don’t regret it. I don’t ‘need’ the piece of paper and although I’d love my kids to go on to higher education, if they find their passion without it, then I’m really ok with that too.
I think it also depends on what they decide they want to do when they grow up, which is hard to even know UNTIL you are grown up. Oy, there is no winning this decision in my head!
Oh poo I just wrote an essay response and lost it! Sigh. Let me see if I can remember it.
I think you are being a better role model by not having finished your college degree. I don’t think university is for everyone. I went to university because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. For people with vocations, like doctors or teachers, of course university is essential. However, if you’re not academic then it’s a way to run up huge debt and be no nearer to a job at the end. Certainly that’s true in the UK.
Fifteen years ago I graduated with a first class degree and it marginally improved my chances of getting a good job. Which I did. But I hated it and had a breakdown after three years. The next job was no better except I lasted five years before realising I don’t handle office stress well and I need to be creative.
And I AM academic, I loved studying. What about the people who don’t learn through lectures and essays? My sister struggled for four years to get a 2:2 in a language she hated, and graduated with massive debt, great pool playing skills and a love of Jack Daniels. Since then she’s started from scratch, building up her own businesses and finding what she loves and is good at.
In fifteen years time, when my daughter would graduate, I suspect a degree won’t be enough to compete. She’ll need a Masters, maybe a PhD. Years more of study and debt, for what? She wants to be a writer like her mummy, my son wants to be a racing driver (he’s three). I truly hope I’ll be strong enough to encourage them in those desires because happy is as important as well paid.
There is a great lecture I watched http://new.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity (going for the link is what lost me my last response! Haha) all about academic inflation and how university is really only good if you want to be a professor. I have long debates and worries about education and making sure it’s right for my children and this lecture consolidated some of them
Anyway, I’m rambling now. To summarise, if your children want to go to college, the fact that circumstances outside your control stopped you completing your course shouldn’t stop them. And if they don’t want to go, you’ll be the best person to show them that – with hard work and determination – they can be a success without it.
I love all of this. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and that Ted talk!
I swear, I love you more every day! My opinion is this: would I like my kids to go to college? Sure. But if they chose a different path, I’m fine with that, too. I don’t actually care if they get a degree or not, as long as they’re being responsible, supporting themselves and are happy. Do I want them to not go to college and sit on the couch instead? Of course not. But if they decided to be carpenters or plumbers or tae kwon do instructors, that would be great, too! Success isn’t defined by our level of education. It’s different for everybody. Success in my mind is happiness. If my kids grow up to be happy, contributing members of society, then SUCCESS!
I love this post, Kim.
Great last lines there, Steph.
So, I’m also a college drop-out. Ok let me clarify. I’m a CITY college and university drop-out. I finished vocational school and several certificate programs, but I don’t have the golden ticket of a Bachelor’s Degree. Of course, a BA in Archaeology wouldn’t get me far these days!
I’m of the opinion that it really depends on what you want to do with your life, whether or not that paper means anything to you. If you want to be a teacher or a rocket scientist, yeah, pretty much required. If you want to be a cabinet maker or a photographer, optional. Slackers need not apply.
I ended up being a Medical Assisant for a while, then an EMT. I totally fell into my current field, and I’ve enjoyed that happy accident for the last 15 years. At this point, having my BA wouldn’t change my income, the level of respect I get, or anything else. My kids know I work my butt off, and so does my husband.
Would I prefer they get the degree? Of course! Do I realize that isn’t always realistic? Yep. I currently have an aspiring artist, and Army Ranger. My oldest plays it close to the vest. The other two? I can totally see them doing what they profess to love.
And after all, doing what they love is what’s important to me. Much more than a piece of paper on the wall.
I think a lot of us discover our careers in a happy accident–as you said. Maybe college can help with certain skills and experiences that prepare us for adulthood, but not necessarily be vital to getting gthe career that makes our lives happier, better. Food for thought.
Great post. Really made me think about the path not traveled. I think the personal definition of success is the only yardstick to measure yourself by. And if you’re content but not in a rut, and always learning and growing, that’s success to me. Good luck with the book(s).
Oh, I like this. I like this a lot.
So then there is the pathway of getting a degree, no spending 100s of thousands on a degree, and then being so miserable that you don’t use it, or at least you don’t use it to make money.
We define our success and we pass that along to our kids. I wish I had known there were alternate pathways. Ellen
I kind of want to know ALL the pathways. I probably need to just let it go, because I never will.
Great questions raised here! I have a useless college degree in the sense that I don’t partake in the career that I am “trained” in, and a useful one (the same one) in the sense that it is a piece of paper that says I completed a four-year course of knowledge and was deemed fit to participate in that trade (which as I said, I don’t–see “useless” degree, above.) Point is, it is valuable to me (and others) in some instances (job seeking), and pointless to others (my kids).
So really, having the “piece of paper” and/or feeling the need for it is ultimately about you and how that makes you feel and maybe whether or not you feel it is necessary to expend the time, money and effort to feel the satisfaction of having done it.
As far as your kids are concerned, you are a great example to them by so many measures I doubt this will be an issue for them, except as leverage when they are teenagers and think they know it all. Then you might need that degree to back yourself up. 😉
I fear know-it-all teenagers. I really do. I have less than 5 years to get ready for that, and I think I need about 20 more to actually BE ready for it!
This post really got me thinking. One of the things I like about your blog and your writing is your confidence. You seem like a genuinely happy, confident person, except in this one instance of not having finished college. I think that if you really want to know what it feels like to earn a degree, if you can afford it and work it out with your other life obligations, if you would regret not having accomplished that one thing when you’re taking your last breaths, then you should do it.
I think that you’re an open, honest mom, and when it’s time to talk to your kids about choices and futures and college and careers, they will understand whatever decision you make. I don’t think you need to get a degree for anyone’s sake but your own.
Anyway. Congratulations on the new book coming out, and holy cow fingers crossed for your YA book deal! That is a dream come true.
Thanks so much, Kate. I really appreciate this and your encouragement. All the input I’m getting here–including yours–is so helpful.