Elementary schools and playgrounds are all aflutter with excitement over the latest colorful fad: the Rainbow Loom.
Parents hear that this $17 toy uses fine motor skills, no batteries, and will draw out the creative side of their kids, so are easily persuaded to snap one up for the whole family.
Little do they know what I’ve figured out, after owning one for only a matter of months: this is the Devil’s work.
Kids love the idea of making bracelets for themselves, trading them with friends, trying out new patterns . . . for the first day.
Once your kid gets her little hands on the Rainbow Loom, you better pray she is old enough or patient enough (because kids are world renown for their patience, right?) to hone her weaving skills, so as to create bracelets, rings, and necklaces on her own. If not, prepare yourself for deafening cries of woe when all her hard work and concentration falls apart each time she thinks she’s pulling a final product off the loom. Instead, tiny bands will cascade through the air like failure fireworks as your child begs for you to make it for her “Just this once.”
Your house will be littered with itty bitty Os in the perfect size for curious pets to swallow then vomit right back up onto the carpeting. Yay! Recycling!
Once you’re done making bracelets to the music of your kids standing around you shouting color patterns, then scrubbing barf out of the rugs, it doesn’t take long to discover that just having the basic kit isn’t enough. Oh, no.
Every other kid on the block will have bands better than your kids’: glittery, glow-in-the-dark, sports themed, magical fairy ones that ward off vampires, all at the special price of quadruple the price of the regular bands. Oh—and good luck actually finding the special ones your offspring yearn for. I hear they’re all sold out.
It’s a real hoot trying to keep the bands organized, but the real fun starts when you need a C-clip from the box. C-clips are what secure the ends of each loom creation together. Imagine a letter “C” that is clear and the size of a dust particle, only smaller and more invisible. Yeah. You’ll never lose those things.
Every day your vacuum will fill up with more and more broken dreams, and the vitally important loom hook will disappear faster than you can say, “As seen on TV.”
But don’t let that get you down.
In a few years, just like its predecessors, Silly Bands and Jelly Bracelets, oceans will be filled with these non-eco-friendly Anger Makers, and children of Suburbia will be onto the next annoying and expensive version of colorful rubberized circles.
Golly. I can’t wait to see what that is.