To give you an idea of the relationship I have with Karen Alpert of Baby Sideburns, please allow me to summarize the first texting conversation we’ve ever had:
The rest of the conversation was terribly off-color and unable to be reprinted, but suffice it to say that it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Now, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t read her new book, I Heart My Little A-Holes, then tell you why you should read it, too?
Karen and I both have an affinity for lists, so let me make this one easy on you:
6 Reasons Why You Need to Buy I Heart My Little A-Holes Right Now:
1. When you were younger, you totally had a thing for the bad boys, the ones that felt dangerous and your parents didn’t approve of. Now you’re a respectable, tax-paying adult that can barely stay awake for the 10 O’Clock News. Karen fills that need for danger – but won’t get you pregnant. She’ll make you clutch your pearls and gasp in shock, then giggle ’til you tinkle in your granny panties. Reading her words is like telling your mom you’re going out with sweet Johnny Blue from down the street, then changing into your slutty clothes in the woods and hopping on the back of Spike Badass’ unregistered motorcycle to go use your fake IDs somewhere really dark and smokey. Vroom vroom!
2. She has real decisions to make with her kids, just like the rest of us. How she makes those decisions is relatable and snortingly funny.
3. Between essays, she peppers in quick conversations with her kids or husband, deep contemplations about topics such as love and revenge, and important Notes to Self (my personal favorite is the one about Grandma & the web cam).
4. When she explains what she hates and why she hates it, there is no disagreeing with her logic.
5. She helps you streamline your shopping. For example, if you’re going to buy fancy bedding, you should buy “a set with a lovely brown amoeba pattern all over it so the shit stains blend in.” Why isn’t this on the Babies R’ Us Registry Tip list?!? I simply don’t understand.
6. From birth control to Girl Scout Cookies, assembling a breast pump to Mother’s Day Gifts we really want, and – of course – poop, Karen covers it all with her potty-mouthed frankness that’ll make you blush, laugh, and nod your head in agreement.
Karen Alpert proves that you can be a girl with heart and a completely inappropriate sense of humor. She writes fearlessly for those parents out there that need to know they aren’t alone. The reason I Heart My Little A-Holes will be a success is because she does, in fact, love her kids more than anything, a truth that shines between each roll of her eyes or pleading for them to pretty please just go back to bed before Mommy runs away.