Many moons ago, I worked at a Chuck E Cheese’s.
Being the energetic girl that I was, I found it a hoot to be able to work kids’ birthday parties for a little fun money, eating leftover cake and pizza at the end of my shifts.
Now that I have kids who attend these parties, I understand why so many parents pressed fat wads of cash into my 16-year-old hands with said, “Keep the change.”
It’s just awful.
1. A Lysol-scented human-sized dancing mouse filled with lost dreams.
2. Excessively sweaty children, constantly running right smack into one another.
3. Skee Ball balls getting thrown in the wrong direction.
4. A Squirrel that will haunt your dreams.
Least-reassuring smile EVER.
5. HPV, E. Coli, Staph, Strep, fecal matter, petrified puke, boogers, fingernails, and the Bubonic Plague.
6. Mini bottles of hand sanitizer in every other mom’s back pocket.
7. Toddlers licking DNA off of…everything.
8. A horrifically violent shooting game next to a ride-on bug that vibrates when you stick a token in its adorable ear.
9. Gerbil human tunnels padded with the leftover skin cells of one million children.
Are there kid-sized HazMat suits for sale at the ticket counter?
10. Pink-cheeked mothers smiling while discreetly threatening their offspring to get down out of the climbing tunnels Right. Now.
11. That bratty, unsupervised kid who pushes your kid out of the way at the ticket counting machine.
12. Plastic toys you can buy at any store for a dime, marked up 4000% at the Prize Counter.
An hour to use up $7 in tokens to buy a 6-cent plastic snake. Awesome.
13. Shrieking, delirious regret at choosing the purple star ring over the pink jelly bracelet.
14. Parents desperate to get the hezzle out of there.
You hit the nail on the head. I like that squirrel game – if it’s the bubble-popping one. I usually, subtely, push my kids out of the way so I can play – or at least stand over them and punch the bubbles they missing. I never noticed the weak smile before. #10 makes me laugh. Its always funny until its me and my kid. Fun list!
Kate Hall recently posted..Oh No He Di’int Gimme That Gift
I got yelled at by my 5yo for trying to pop her bubbles.
This is hilarious and yet so gross at the same time. We don’t have a Chuck E Cheese nearby but my kinds are now hypnotized by commercials and want to go to one. I wonder if reading this post to them will make them want to go more or less.
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So. Many. COMMERCIALLLLLSSSS!
I just posted last week for the 3rd time about this place….I DESPISE it…however I am encouraged that there is Lysol is in the building.
Lysol AND now wall-mounted hand sanitizers.
I got a headache just reading that. And PS, now I’m singing, “Chuck E. Cheese. Where a kid can be a kid” in my head.
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You just wait. You’re gonna get swindled into going there very soon!
For some reason SO decided it would be a fun tradition to take the kids on their birthdays. So 4 times a year, we take all 4 kids, and go spend 4 hours at chuckie-e-cheese. Did I mention that he usualy runs off with the birthday kid & plays games & helps them win tickets while I’m trying to keep the other 3 under control? But this isn’t even their party! Birthday morning they wake up to ballons everywhere & I make birthday waffles (choc chip waffles), open OUR presents,then a snack, & off to chuckie cheese for a late lunch/early dinner & lots of playing.get home get a snack & off to bed. The next day or on the weekend you get more ballons & your family (& we’re getting to the age of friends) come over for your party & cake.
I am exhausted just reading that.
And this is why I keep fighting my husband hard who wants to take the kids to Chuck E Cheese’s each weekend now!!
Oh NO. Not a weekend. Anything but a weekend!
I loved Chuck E Cheese’s as a kid, but I know I would hate it now. This list is a great reminder of why!
When my husband was in college, he and some friends tried to go there for a slice, and they weren’t allowed in because they didn’t have kids with them. Can you imagine any adults choosing to go instead of being forced? I guess a bunch of frat guys aren’t really “adults”. I appreciate Chuck E Cheese’s “No creepers without kids” policy.
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Yep, if you don’t have a kid you can’t come in. I love this rule!
Wow, I thought working at Red Lobster was bad.
There’s no dancing rats in Red Lobster.
You nailed it. You get the biggest prize at the counter for actually working there, brave young thing that you were! We hosted my older son’s party there years back and it was every bit the nightmare you describe here. Gives me a headache just thinking about it. Liked the line about the “Lysol scented mouse full of lost dreams..”! hahahaha
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I think I deserve 100 free tickets per kid per visit for a lifetime, just because I worked there. Seems fair.
YUP. This is why I will never ever go there again… no matter how many times my kids beg me!!!
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This is why grandparents exist.
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