I Do Not Fear Getting Burned by an Easy Bake Oven

The Easy Bake Oven was high on my 5-year-old’s Santa Wish List this year.

I never had one as a kid.

Not sure if this was because they were as dangerous as all the other toys we had in the 70s & 80s and Mom was trying to protect me, if my parents were too cheap to buy one, or the simple fact that I was the 6th kid and my family tended to forget I needed things like toys or attention.

Since these toy ovens are as expensive as an economy-sized car, I graciously told my Mother-in-Law how important it was for her only granddaughter to have one, and waited for the box to arrive in the mail.

I was able to stall actually using The Purple Beast for 2.5 weeks, fearing it would be too much work and mess for someone who still hasn’t taken the family Christmas tree down by mid-January.

My daughter would let me put it off no more: It was cookie time.

Over the years there have been different models and different levels of danger with the Easy Bake Oven. Some trapped fingers. Some overcooks kids’ hands. Some may or may not have been a health risk to society and were recalled.

If there’s any danger to using the new Easy Bake Oven, it is dying of boredom while you wait for the itty bitty crappy baked goods to cook in it.

I began the adventure as a “fun” activity with my kid. Approximately eighteen hours later, she had already left to play at a friend’s house while I continued the process of baking all 4 cookies while talking on the phone with my friend Nicole of NinjaMomBlog, who summed up the Easy Bake Oven Experience in one sentence:

“Easy Bake Oven:
Making dough lukewarm and less wet since 1963.”

How is this not the promotional tag line?

The good news is that only three new gray hairs sprouted from my head in the time it took for those 4 damn cookies to become firm enough to refer to as “baked,” and during the wait I came up with a list I’d like to share with all of you who are researching alternatives to this now-way-too-safe toy for baking those packets of pre-fab cookie, cake and pretzel mixes it comes with:

Easy Bake Oven Option by @LetMeStart #humor

1. Summertime sidewalks.

2. Hot flashes.

3. Neon signs.

4. Burrito farts.

5. Someone going HUUUUHHHHHH on their eyeglasses before wiping them clean.

6. North Face puffy coats.

7. Glow Sticks.

8. Naomi Campbell’s temper.

9. The color “Burnt Sienna”.

10. A Wii console during SkyLanders Giants.

11. Soup.

12. Shopping malls in December.

13. The crimping iron from high school still stored in your parent’s hall bathroom.

14. Joe Manganiello’s abs. (SO. HOT.)

15. Cinnamon.

16. The seat warmers in your neighbor’s car.

17. Your hatred for Caillou.

18. Mittens.

19. Thinking about sunshine.

20. Disney Princess night lights.

21. The Shark Steam Mop.

22. An infected wound.

23. Tape recorders.

24. And last, but not least: ACTUAL OVENS.

Happy Baking, everyone!

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  1. Rebecca says

    Hatred for Calliou. Yup, that sums it up quite nicely. My daughter got one last year for her 8th birthday, and oops, I still haven’t found/purchased the correct sized lightbulb. Sorry honey.

      • Kristine says

        I totally agree! It was THE gift on my daughters list and the things works like crap. After baking most items for several hours, they are still gross and disgusting. Very disappointing as the things retail around $60. Should have just bought her a microwave, she could at least bake things in it.

  2. says

    Sitting at work, snort-laughing into my coffee, trying not to pee on my brand new desk chair…why do I always read you first thing?

    I LUUUURRRRRVVVVEEE that pic of my Joe. MINE, you hear me you no-good-rotten-snitch?! MINE!!!! BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Wait, what just happened? I blacked out for a sexond.
    Julie recently posted..A (almost) successful dinner out!My Profile

  3. says

    Okay, that was HI-larious. I HATE my daughter’s Easy Bake Oven, so much so that I make special effort in Target to steer clear of the aisle that sells the Easy Bake mixes. You know, the ones that cost at least twice as much as an actual cake mix in the grown-up baking aisle? You know what else I hate? How she savors each and every bite of the piece of choco-cardboard that comes out of her oven but is the pickiest eater on God’s green earth when it comes to thinks I make (including desserts).
    Jenny recently posted..Top 10 Uses for My Post-Partum Gut RollMy Profile

  4. Devan says

    This is hysterical! I am crying laughing! With 6 and 3 year old girls, I am avoiding this thing at all costs! Number one brought it up at Christmas time and I started talking about the elf. Shew! Diversion successful! I didn’t have one as a kid (we were poor) and I turned out ok….

  5. Nancy D. says

    No Easy Bake for me but as a kid I did have a carbide cannon. We would shoot it from our porch in a residential area without the SWAT team and National Guard being called in. Amazing.

  6. says

    I have a very serious love/hate relationship with our Easy Bake. Nothing like over-priced, under-cooked, cookies to help nurture your relationship with your kids.
    Because of this post I will never look at Burnt Sienna the same and I always hope to never rip a burrito fart while sitting in a car with the seat warmers on. That is just like signing your own death certificate.
    You Know it Happens at Your House Too recently posted..Don’t Be a Bloghole Blog Hop; 1/15My Profile

  7. says

    Love this! 7-year old munchkin #1 got one this year too. The stupid thing has been sitting on my kitchen counter since Christmas morning and we’ve used it once to make miniature charcoal briquettes or “cupcakes”. I think the trick to the charcoal-iness is to turn it on to preheat and then get lost perusing the internet for Easy-Bake Oven recipes for an hour or so.
    So long story short, we’ve nowhere to put it and it’ll probably never get used again, but the same can be said for mostly everything my kids get these days, so I wasn’t really surprised.
    Rebecca J recently posted..New Year’s Resolutions (Quickie Post)My Profile

  8. says

    There was nothing in the world I wanted as much as an Easy Bake oven when I was a kid. Alas, my mother was a Home Ec teacher who worshiped practicality above all else (AND I was the 4th kid–if it wasn’t on clearance, I didn’t get it). She couldn’t understand why I wanted that nonsense when there was a perfectly good oven in our kitchen already.

    I think you’ve finally convinced me to take it off my Christmas list. :-)
    Victoria KP recently posted..AffinityMy Profile

  9. says

    My almost 5 year old also requested, multiple times daily, for Santa to deliver her an easy bake oven. Well in true Santa fashion, and thanks to Ebay, she was not disappointed. However, every single time she asks to cook something, I silently curse myself in my head, and kick myself under the table, while putting on my fake smile and mixing up some dreadfully tasteless treats!

    Things I’d rather do than use the easy bake oven:

    Listen to her play with her most annoyingly loud toys
    Clean the toilet, with a toothbrush
    Clean any room in the house
    Play with play-do (which I sincerely loathe)
    Endure endless “Why?” questions for 48 hours straight.

    But alas, her happiness does help ease the pain a little bit. And I try to get her to give away the yummy little treats (puke) to everyone but me! :)

    I feel your pain!

  10. says

    Adolpha got an EZ bake last year and I have been able to put her off for an entire year before we would open it. FINALLY I was out of excuses and when we opened it we realized it needed a light bulb. I couldn’t find a light bulb that fit their requirements. We ended up boxing that stupid thing back up and returning it so we could bake in the actual oven.
    Jen at PIWTPITT.com recently posted..The Makers of the iPad ToiletMy Profile

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