How I Kick Jedi Ass

I was born watching Star Wars movies. They were like magic to me, especially the Jedis.

I remember thinking to myself during epic battles in the back yard outer space with my brother How wicked mint would it be if I really had Jedi powers?!

Now that I have kids of my own, I realize I have something way cooler than Jedi Powers.

I’m a parent, and I kick Jedi ass.

1. I have multiple light sabers inside my vacuum.

2. I know when people need to poop, even before they do.

3. I saw that. Yes, my back was turned. But I did, and we both know it.

4. There’s ambidextrous, then there’s the ability to spell “Spongebob” to your daughter while stirring spaghetti and catching a ball that got thrown near the stove top with your left hand, tossing it to where it belongs, shoving the cat away from the open oven with one foot and opening a cabinet for some Tupperware with the other all without missing a beat.

5. I can silently summon my child’s attention from across a room and count to 3 with only my eyes in a way that makes him stop doing what he’s doing and slowly back away.

6. I don’t need to wear a cape for people to know I’m awesomely super-powered. They can clearly see it from the fact that I managed to leave the house with two kids before 9am and none of us are still wearing pajamas.

7. I can make a headlamp look sexy while MacGyvering a coffee maker and multi-room fort during a blackout.

I know the power of The Dark Side, and make it my bitch.

What Jedi powers do you have?

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    • says

      I had my kids 22 months apart. My older son had a speech delay and my talker was a VERY early talker with an alien-chicken voice. I was The Interpreter for them so long, I am now able to decipher what any small child is saying.

  1. says

    Oh hell yes. I adore Star Wars (the original, the new ones, meh.)

    According to my kids, my Jedi trick is knowing how to spell anything in my head, and being able to do trading math in my head. Whatevs. It’s really my uncanny ability to make a $5 piece of junk from the Goodwill look like a designer piece and sell it for shoe money. :)
    Julie recently posted..Am I being unreasonable? (AKA another rant)My Profile

  2. Shannon says

    You know, for the longest time I thought that I really WAS a Jedi. But how else could you explain that I knew the answer to every question that he asked, drew the best dinosaurs on the face of the planet, turned cartwheels that left him gaping, and made grilled cheese sandwiches that deserved standing ovations?? Apparently I was only a Jedi for the first 5 years of his life as all of those skills mysteriously disappeared the same day that he looked at me and haughtily stated ‘You are NOT a Jedi, mom’…sniffle…

  3. Valerie says

    You are so right. It’s like us moms have a special Jedi league that is so secretive that even we didn’t know about it really. I mean.. We always knew… But not knew knew, ya know?

    First off we should all get bedazzled pimp canes. Because light sabers aren’t being sold mass market as of yet, and I lost my government clearance and the license to carry concealed weaponry back in ’82. And no one will be like “hey that’s a weapon!” At first glance at the pimp cane. They’ll obviously be all “ohhh.. Shiney!”

    Or… Maybe my wanting of a bedazzled pimp cane has made me lose sight of the big picture… Or… Something…


    Valerie recently posted..If I were a bird, I would fly away… And also shit on people in fancy clothes.My Profile

  4. says

    Oh my – yes, so sexy and with true powers to boot! I can find anything, anytime, anywhere and in less than 60 seconds – as long as I am not the person who lost the item in the first place (darn, there is always a catch!).

  5. says

    We mothers do channel the Force, don’t we? Thank you for helping me realize that I am very close to being a Jedi Knight- maybe a few more years. Oddly when I was a child, though, I was obsessed with Jabba the Hut – ugh. Glad I got over that!
    Hillary recently posted..I’m Thankful for Big BirdMy Profile

  6. says

    Nice! Here’s to hoping that dads also develop Jedi powers as well (the idea of this makes me very happy)

    On a random note, how does posting this article on your blog and on Huffington Post impact SEO? Does it help or hurt your blog traffic?

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