You will find a spoon in the utensil drawer that has obviously been licked ‘clean’ by a child and stuck in there. You will pretend this is the only time it has ever happened.
You will say terrible things to those you love the most, like “Santa just saw you hit your sister!” and “Get your vulva off my new throw pillows!”
You will change an explosive, pungent diaper, then go back to finishing your lunch without missing a beat.
You will take away Her Very Favorite Thing after she does something stupidly, scarily dangerous. This will suck for everyone who lives under your roof for many days, but she will learn from it. She will learn from it.
You will make snowmen on your kitchen table during a big storm.
You will somehow end up escorting your young kid’s best friend, who is the opposite gender of you, to a public restroom in a children’s museum. While you pace outside the door your mind will race between worry about his safety alone in a public bathroom and knowledge that it will seem weird and uncool for you to keep calling out through the door “Are you okay?” “How about now?”
You will become irrationally angry over Goldfish cracker crumbs discovered in an odd location in your home.
You will cry at Back-to-School night upon seeing your eldest child’s very first desk, full of schoolbooks and pencils.
You will give yourself a manicure and be interrupted with only one coat of polish on your left hand. You will not be able to finish or remove this manicure for 6-8 days.
You will resist covering him with kisses in front of his friends.
You will not let her see that her casual words broke your heart.
You will recognize their laughter in the most crowded of rooms, and you will feel it in your belly.
You will witness them picking up your bad habits, and it will stun you into silence.
You will have full conversations with your partner without saying a word, as you both slyly witness your kid do something amazing and brave.
You will never really understand how to use the TV remote, yet you will master Social Media so as to stalk your adolescent children’s activity on Facebook.
You will encourage your kids to follow their dreams. Even if you don’t understand their dreams. Even if you don’t agree with their dreams.
You will love them more deeply than you ever thought possible, with every little bit of you, and you will truly become a better person because of this love.
You will see more good in yourself, as your see the good in you reflected in your children.
ilikebeerandbabies.com recently posted..Monky Pox Strikes Again
Yes and yes.
You will hold your breath every time the phone rings on a busy day thinking “Please not the school. They can’t be sick today.”
Jester Quen recently posted..Fix You
Lol! Yes, that, too!
Yup. All of it. I never thought I would hear myself say “Please stop slapping your vagina.”
Leigh Ann recently posted..One Tough Mudder, aka Nice Knowing You All
I hear ya. What’s with all the vag-slapping? Don’t get it.
Love this! You will also learn to survive in your van stuck in a snow drift for 3 weeks and not starve due to all the snack crap and fries stuck between the seats and under the seats!
MaryAnne recently posted..I Can Haz Shinee Objects
It’s not a mess. It’s a Survival Kit.
OMG. I started out laughing and then got slapped in the face with the crying. I HATE YOU. But I love you even more. Beautiful and so true.
You’re…welcome?
Lovely, babe. Just sweet, perfect, lovely.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Don’t say "mutt" like it’s a bad thing. I’m @InThePowderRoom.
Thanks, babe.
Yes. *bows head while I absorb the beauty of your written word*
No need to get formal now, friend.
You will finally quit being so selfish and happily give away the last chocolate cookie in the bag.
susan recently posted..Singing for Joy (your life deserves a soundtrack)
Yep. As surprising as it will be, you’ll do it.
I think you captured it all beautifully and perfectly. Especially relating on the manicure. So what, when they are in college I can expect to get both hands done at once? Just want to know what to reasonably expect
Meredith recently posted..Pooping Your Pants: The Adult Years
College it is! Or, when they are very busy ignoring us during the teenage years.
I have been a quiet observer. I laughed out loud at work the other day while reading the post about distracted driving. I wrote today because I had to tell you, you are dead on about the kids changing our lives. As much as they can drive me crazy, make me laugh silly, cry terribly, they make me proud as they grow into independent little darlings.
That’s kind of the whole point of what I do here. I laugh because they drive me nuts, but I love because they make me a better person.
I totally did the goldfish yell today.
Jen recently posted..Don’t Wake Me Up
They. Are. EVERYWHERE.
DAMN lady, this was a really awesome post!
I giggled AND cried.
Kristen Mae recently posted..Totally Random Shit, and OH – the Liebster Award
Aw. thank you Kristen!
Bwahahahaha!
And you would never expect to find yourself explaining to a six-year-old boy: “Girls don’t have nuts.”
Mandy Fish recently posted..Crazy About You. Or Just Plain Crazy.
I think every other conversation for 2 solid years had to do with vulvas and/or testicles.
You will be able to ignore the screams of your child that they need one more (water, hug, kiss, story) at bedtime, but hear them 50 yards away above a chorus of screaming children at the playground.
And this will be normal.
Heather Bush recently posted..Please, Just Slow Down
Oh YES. Exactly!
OMG. Totally on the spoon in the drawer. And about the last cookie? Not there yet
I still hide my candy, and eat it hidden in the pantry late at night.
~sigh~
Oh, I hide the special cookies, candy & ice cream from the kids. I’m not crazy.
Beautiful. Honest. Just like you.
Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments recently posted..Seven Minutes in Heaven
You are too sweet, as usual.
You will find yourself calmly explaining to your distressed son that his baby sister’s penis didn’t fall off, the day he notices she doesn’t have one.
Gorgeous post! Thank you.
Yep…definitely that. And you’ll manage not to laugh (too much) while doing so.
I tell me friends that don’t have children yet that when you have a baby it’s like they take out your brain and replace it with a Mommy brain. Things that I never thought I could do are now done without even thinking (diapers full of diarrhea) and I’ve become braver and more outspoken than ever, especially when I perceive unfairness towards one of my babies. Mama Bear comes out, RAWR!
Really, there is an absolute switch that happens. It’s wild.
You realize that while you may be on the fence about taking a bullet for your husband, you’d dive in front of an uzi for your kid without a second beat.
Suburban Snapshots recently posted..Despite the Fact that My Dogs Don’t Read Or Understand English
Exactly. No second thought, when it comes to the kids.
Pingback: Summing Up My Week… (10/7-10/14/12) | Let Me Start By Saying…