You will find a spoon in the utensil drawer that has obviously been licked ‘clean’ by a child and stuck in there. You will pretend this is the only time it has ever happened.
You will say terrible things to those you love the most, like, “Santa just saw you hit your sister!” and, “Get your vulva off my new throw pillows!”
You will change an explosive, pungent diaper, then go back to finishing your lunch without missing a beat.
You will take away Her Very Favorite Thing after she does something stupidly, scarily dangerous. This will suck for everyone who lives under your roof for many days, but she will learn from it. She will learn from it.
You will make snowmen on your kitchen table during a big storm.
You will somehow end up escorting your young kid’s best friend, who is the opposite gender of you, to a public restroom in a children’s museum. While you pace outside the door your mind will race between worry about his safety alone in a public bathroom and knowledge that it will seem weird and uncool for you to keep calling out through the door, “Are you okay?” “How about now?”
You will become irrationally angry over Goldfish cracker crumbs discovered in an odd location in your home.
You will cry at Back-to-School night upon seeing your eldest child’s very first desk, full of schoolbooks and pencils.
You will give yourself a manicure and be interrupted with only one coat of polish on your left hand. You will not be able to finish or remove this manicure for 6-8 days or possibly ever.
You will resist covering him with kisses in front of his friends.
You will not let her see that her casual words broke your heart.
You will recognize their laughter in the most crowded of rooms, and you will feel it in your belly.
You will witness them picking up your bad habits, and it will stun you into silence.
You will have full conversations with your partner without saying a word, as you both slyly witness your kid do something amazing and brave.
You will never really understand how to use the TV remote, yet you will master social media so as to stalk your adolescent children’s activity on Facebook.
You will encourage your kids to follow their dreams. Even if you don’t understand their dreams. Even if you don’t agree with their dreams.
You will love them more deeply than you ever thought possible, with every little bit of you, and you will truly become a better person because of this love.