I’ve spent a lot of time in the car this week. Here are some things I’ve been pondering while behind the wheel:
1. How is it that humans can dive a submarine 6 miles down into the ocean, and land on Mars to take some pictures, but not figure out how to merge from two lanes of traffic down to one in an organized fashion?
2. The smaller the Suburban Mom, the larger the SUV she drives. Is there a Napoleon complex for chicks?
3. It doesn’t matter how much you try to pimp out your 2006 Lincoln Zephyr. If your car is named after a delightfully gentle summer breeze, it simply can never be considered “bad-ass.”
4. Expensive Midlife Crisis convertibles should automatically come with a Bald Spot Sunblock Holster. Or at least a coordinating baseball cap.
5. The more confident someone is in their ability to use a cell phone while driving, the more likely they are to swerve into my lane at high speeds while doing so, making me curse loudly and want to send flowers to whomever invented Air Bags.
6. It doesn’t matter how discreet you attempt to be, I can still see you picking your nose if you do it right on the other side of a piece of clear glass 15 feet away from me.
7. If I pass FedEx trucks three times on the highway, can its delivery service really be considered “Express”?
8. Witnessing a Volkswagen owner have an episode of Road Rage was the least natural thing I’ve ever seen. I mean, the guy was driving a VW, the happiest cars on Earth! It was like watching a smiley face drop the c-word then make out with Ke$ha.
I’m watching you.
I’m pretty sure I was in the car with you the ENTIRE time….OMG, I’ve seen these things and thought the same things so THANK YOU for saying them out loud! Love it! Love the blog!
Did you enjoy blasting the music as the wind blew through our hair? I sure did.
It was great ~
Sasha recently posted..Awesomeness ~ found it today!
Thanks, Sasha!
6. It doesn’t matter how discreet you attempt to be, I can still see you picking your nose if you do it right on the other side of a piece of clear glass 15 feet away from me.
This is absolutely not true. You can not see me as I am invisible when I am shame picking in the comforts of my own car.
ilikebeerandbabies.com recently posted..Advice Under the Influence
Um…yeah. NO.
I just have to say that #8 made my whole morning better. Thank you for being awesome!
You’re welcome.
I hate to be a party pooper, but I see that the car was in operation when the photo was taken – did you take the photo or have someone else do it while you were driving? As a cyclist who has been hit and almost killed by a driver who was distracted by her phone, I really wish people would put down the phones, the cameras, the iPads, the mascara wand, everything…and just drive.
Fair question! I absolutely see the irony in the photo, since I almost never even answer a phone call when I’m driving. I see most people on phones while driving doing very, very stupid things. And also have a friend who had 3 family members killed by a texter. I understand your concern, and am glad you are ok.
I was on a local street I am very familiar with that was a straightaway, no other cars (other than the one parked at the far end), no people. I pulled over, I turned on my phone’s camera and held it on my shoulder at the right height. Then, without looking at the screen of my phone/camera, I just hit the shutter button a few times as I went down the street with my eyes on the road. Didn’t even look at the pictures until I got home, parked the car & went inside (which is why the photo is blurry).
Thanks for voicing your concern.
I find the level of my road rage increases exponentially as I spend more time on the highway. I don’t have a highway commute anymore but when I did, oh man, I was bad
Luckily having my daughter in the car and more city driving has forced me to slow down and be calmer
Most of these things really get to me too, you’re not alone. As long as we don’t try to blog while we’re driving we’ll be okay lol
@bluenotebacker recently posted..I’m a Guest of the Naked Girl!
I used to do sales in Boston during the Big Dig: No GPS, in my car all the time. Road Rage gave me a potty mouth, took a year to cleanse myself of that.
I keep a notebook & pencil on me at all times, so I can jot things down when at a full stop. No typing while driving from THIS girl!
What IS IT with those tiny petite things driving those ginormous Suburbans/Sequoias/Land Rovers?? I figure I’m screwed for a lifetime of small, semi-efficient vehicles because I am tall (and also operating on a chicken nugget budget).
I used to drive a giant SUV (my husband picked it out. obviously), and even though I’m tall, I’m thrilled to have downsized recently. I laugh watching petite women try to get into those beasts (yes, like my little MIL!).
All so very true. Especially picking the nose through a moving car window. We live on a busy street and when the weather’s nice, we hang out on our porch. Seen lots (too many) people going by with their finger up and nostril. Eek.
Jamie@SouthMainMuse recently posted..Ten Compliments to Myself. Why was that so terrifying?
It’s like a live-action drinking game! (Just don’t drink anything green)
I think the thing that bugs me the absolute most are the people who just don’t pay attention while driving PERIOD! One of them tapped my friend’s care yesterday when she was giving me a ride to work. (My car is broken. UGH!) He tried to say he didn’t hit her when there was no visible damage and when she confronted him on that, he claimed he didn’t know she was going to stop!!! The light was yellow for so long that it was red when she finally got up to it! What’s she supposed to do? Run the red? He spent more time trying to make it my friend’s fault than he did taking any kind of responsibility. Thankfully about three people pointed out that they saw him messing with his radio and just not paying a lick of attention to the road. Scary thing is, this kind of stuff happens all the time in my town. It’s pathetic.
I don’t understand how people can forget they are navigating a gigantic heavy piece of machinery. How do you FORGET??
I have NO IDEA!!!
An angry VW would be pretty funny to witness. ha!
These things must be pretty universal because I have noticed a lot of them too.
Deb McCormick recently posted..When the 3 lb puppy got arrested for breaking and entering and my mom shouted HEAD LICE while we were eating in a restaurant.
It was just so…unnatural. Kind of freaky. Aren’t VW people the happy people?
“Make out with Ke$ha” made me fall in love with you all over again.
Suburban Snapshots recently posted..Despite the Fact that My Dogs Don’t Read Or Understand English
And that’s why I did it.
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