What is the ideal weight?
It seems to me that the range of 110-120lbs holds a lot of women’s personal ideal body weight. A Magic Number, of sorts.
And I never understood why. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and there are millions of us. How could the ideal range be so small?
Over the years, I’ve rarely heard of any woman being really honest and open about her weight. The real number on the scale.
And it confuses me.
What’s the Big Deal?
It’s like some dirty little secret, what we really weigh.
And it’s never the right number.
Just last week, I heard a beautiful friend of mine say near a group of kids, including her daughter, “I need to lose 10 pounds in the next month” because of a trip.
No. No, she doesn’t.
I have also witnessed tangible hate spew from the eyes of many a woman who met a close friend of mine for the first time. She’s thin, naturally, but also is an athlete for health reasons. Yet, I find myself defending her lean physique to jealous women who weigh more than her.
All. The damn. Time.
Why can’t we be more reasonable with our numbers?
Why can’t we be more accepting of other peoples’ numbers?
Over the last 8 years, between 2 pregnancies, stressful times, happy times, medical issues, butt surgery, and everything else, I have traversed the clothes racks from the size 14 section to the size 6. Back and forth. Back and forth.
And I bet you just had an emotional response to those numbers, thinking it was really big or really small or too much of a range or something else altogether.
Who cares what my sizes were?
Did I love myself any more or less because of the number on my pants or the scale? Did my husband? My kids?
Absolutely not. Why should we?
And how dare we talk about this stuff in front of our kids? How dare we negatively call ourselves fat or ugly or skinny or too short or too whatever in front of our kids, who think we are always, always beautiful?
Why do we want them to start buying the bullshit that we aren’t beautiful just the way we are? That they aren’t beautiful just the way they are?
I do now, for health reasons, know I have a number I need to stay below. Or at least, stick close to. It’s not for looks. It’s not for vanity.
And it sure as hell ain’t anywhere near 110-125 pounds.
I’m learning that if I can stay just under 160 pounds, my food intake is balanced enough that I’m not re-injuring my butt. I refuse to let the love of second slices of cheesecake cause me to have anal surgery again. No, thank you!
It also seems to be where my asthma is the most controlled. And my doctors are happy with it, since my family has so much cancer, heart, cholesterol and other issues on their plate. None of us want me to have to deal with any of that.
Are other people taking all of this into consideration when they choose their number, whether it be an “Above This” or “Below This” decision?
Why do we give a shit what the women on TV, movies and celebrity rags say they weigh, or insist is the best weight/size/body shape for everyone?
I just don’t get it.
And I will never, ever be embarrassed to say:
My name is Kim,
and today I weigh 158.4lbs
Will you share your real weight with me right now?
Do you have an “Above This” or “Below This” number?
How did you choose it?
Have your kids said anything about dieting or weight yet, yours or theirs?
What was that experience like?
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I don’t understand weights in pounds I weigh 14 stone (UK) however that translates. The so-called ‘ideal’ weight for my height and age is apparently 9 stone, I wish I weighed 10. Why? Partly because I *feel* fat, partly because being this size means I’m physically awkward: I can’t reach to cut my toenails etc, partly because I live in a house with a lot of stairs which I struggle with. My elder daughter weighs 7 stone, I’m effectively carrying half an adult daughter up the stairs with me every time I climb them and I’d like to put her down!
I remember gaining about 40-50lbs with my 1st pregnancy, and how awkward that made me feel. I totally get what you’re saying. (1 stone = 14 pounds)
I’m 5′ and weigh about 105, however, it’s not distributed how I’d like it to be. I’m working on making it more of a lean 105, than soft 105. I just turned 38 and have noticed over the last few months that although my weight hasn’t changed much, it’s shifting to my belly. Maybe my metabolism slowing down? Oh, and please don’t bag on me because I may weigh less than you and am not currently totally happy. I don’t think it’s fair that because I weigh less than 120 I’m not allowed to complain about it.
I’ll protect you, LMC. I have too many thin friends who I see get attacked for being thin. People say the nastiest things, lose out on the chance to truly connect with these wonderful women, because they are jealous of their numbers. It’s ridiculous.
Wow – this discussion brought up a lot of emotions for me! I weigh approximately 275 pounds. I’m 5’10” and wear a size 24. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have a beautiful 9 year old son but I am not his biological mom so I don’t have any pregnancy related body changes. I have a LOT of “issues” around my weight and am doing everything in my power not to pass them on to my son! All the women in my family are big and they all struggle with body image. I married a jerk (now blessedly my ex) who made me weigh in every day, exercise every night while he watched, monitored everything I ate, etc. Lots of mental abuse around my weight. My current partner loves me just like I am and supports me completely. I would like to be down to about 165 for health and self-esteem reasons but just can’t get my head in the right space to do it right now. My hope for all of us is that we learn to love ourselves exactly as we are and only feel a need to change ourselves because we want to do it for us – and I hope our children never have to deal with the body image issues with which many of us struggle!
The hardest part of changing your weight is getting your head in that right space. I hope you find it soon, and can feel happy and healthy and all the self-love you deserve.
Soooo….239 comments and only ONE was negative? Clearly that jackhole didn’t actually read your post. Absolutely, no one should go around being emaciated or obese. But a healthy number for one person vs another of the same height is naturally going to be different. How hard was it to miss that conclusion from what you wrote? Once again, we are dealing with a cyber bully who thinks it’s OK to berate a person because they aren’t suggesting that everyone should be a fitness freak. Why can’t I have fast food once in a while? Why can’t I eat a WHOLE piece of cheese cake if I want? I have two little boys (4 and 2) and they keep me hopping. I would LOVE to be able to go to the gym, but who is going to watch my kids? Hell, who is going to pay for the gym membership? Oh, I should go out and take a walk? Really? Have you tried to go on a power walk with a 2 and 4 YO in tow? Let me know how that works for ya, Judgie McJudgerson. Until they are in school and old enough for me to leave alone for a little while, that just isn’t going to happen. And I don’t even eat all that much, but should I go hungry? Should I force myself to eat vegetables that literally make me gag? Way to make a person get a complex over food. You socked it right to that jerk. Thank you for a WONDERFUL post that is realistic, uplifting, and just what people should be talking about. Let’s learn to LOVE OURSELVES and the rest will fall into place. Where ever that place is supposed to be.
BTW, I am 41, 5’3″ (If I am standing up really straight), and I think I weigh around 185. My scale can be kind. My doc’s not so much. I have a very heavy bone structure and I’m quite muscular. If I weighed 120 pounds I would probably be laying in a pine box. Once my kids are older, I may be able to whittle that number down, but as long as I can still keep up with them, as long as I can keep moving all day, as long as I am healthy in all other aspects of my life, I’m not going to freak out about a number. It’s just a number. I am NOT a number.
Cat, I honestly think she didn’t understand what I was saying. it also sounded like she thought I was obese/overweight and making excuses.
I’m not, never have been, never will be. And I’m definitely not making excuses for anyone.
I’m just trying to make womankind (in particular) a kinder place so those who have gone to an extreme can have a more supportive environment for getting mentally AND physically healthy.
But you seem to get that. So, thank you.
I weighed 161.0 this morning, November 3, 2012. On July 29, 2010 I weighed 270. Eeeeeeek! I am so excited to weigh 161, I did this through hard work and limiting what I eat. AND I have a six month old baby. I would LOVE to be the magic number of 125 but if I never get there I am ok with it. I wear a size 13 and am happy with that. I lost the weight to make myself healthier and happier.
159 and proud of it 🙂 I was 157 a little over a year ago and I now have a 6 month old (almost) so I think that’s pretty damn awesome 🙂
Marissa recently posted..Wordless Wednesday 11/7/12
So I liked this blog. I found it through another blog and am kinda late to the party! I will share my real number with you. I weigh 314 lbs. I am morbidly obese and the strange thing is, is I don’t feel all that bad about it. I have always had weight issues and no I am not a super over eater. I exercise semi-regularly, eat a mostly healthy diet, and follow all of my doctors helpful suggestions. I am not depressed and am actually very happy with myself and my life. I have been happily married for nearly 10 years, and have 2 beautiful children. I don’t really dwell on my weight. For health reasons I am considering Gastric Bypass after trying many other doctor supervised weight loss programs. I am only considering this surgery because I want to remain healthy. So far I do not have any obesity related issues, I know however that I probably will in the future and I want to be healthy for myself and my children. I do want to stress that I have never felt badly about my weight, I have been over 200 lbs since high school and I am now in my 30’s. I have always felt beautiful, confident, and have had high self esteem. My ideal weight as proscribed by my doctor is 160, I am 5’9.
I am 48, have had 4 children, and currently weigh about 189 Yep its heavier than is comfortable, and I am working slowly to change that I am actually trying to run on a regular basis.. when I was a teenager I stopped eating.. ( EATING ANYTHING ) and lost about 80lbs weighed like 125 and still thought I was too fat, too ugly, not worthy, etc etc blah blah blah. I am sad that it took me into my 40’s to just accept me for me.. my husband loves and adores me.. as do my kids and it has nothing to do with the fact that I am not a size 4 anymore.. I am a photographer and work with young teenage girls all the time and just about every single one points out to me something they think is wrong with them.. whether it be their weight or their skin or whatever they tell me whats wrong with them and what they dont like and they are all beautiful gorgeous girls.. all of them.. no matter what size they are what shape they are.. it makes me sad that we are always pointing out what we perceive as our flaws to others.. I will never be a size 4 again. I am currently a size 12-14 depending on the clothing and I am finally ok with that.. Yes I want to be healthier.. and am working toward that.. but I am also working toward liking myself for who I am .. wondering why the hell I did not do this when I was 20
2 years late but I’m 5’2″ and weigh 141 and that’s considered slightly overweight for my height. At times I get it in my mind to lose some weight but I love cupcakes and I say that I will always be a little heavy because I refuse to stop eating whatever I want. Any time I start to feel bad about my body, I remind myself what a beautiful, amazing thing it does and how it gets me where I want to go, does all the things I need it to do, isn’t usually in pain, and looks a lot like one a Renoir nude. I love it!
Eve I ate your damn Apple recently posted..How To Be the Most Awkward Person In the Room
I think I just posted my comment on FB instead of here. In fact, I know I did. Oh well. Anyway, I’m a five foot nothing girl who weighs 146 or so no matter what I do. So, I’m just accepting it. That puts me in a size 8 or 10, depending on the style and cut of clothes.
Did you blog about the anal surgery? With the IBS etc, I have butt issues, too.
Are we related?