What is the ideal weight?
It seems to me that the range of 110-120lbs holds a lot of women’s personal ideal body weight. A Magic Number, of sorts.
And I never understood why. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and there are millions of us. How could the ideal range be so small?
Over the years, I’ve rarely heard of any woman being really honest and open about her weight. The real number on the scale.
And it confuses me.
What’s the Big Deal?
It’s like some dirty little secret, what we really weigh.
And it’s never the right number.
Just last week, I heard a beautiful friend of mine say near a group of kids, including her daughter, “I need to lose 10 pounds in the next month” because of a trip.
No. No, she doesn’t.
I have also witnessed tangible hate spew from the eyes of many a woman who met a close friend of mine for the first time. She’s thin, naturally, but also is an athlete for health reasons. Yet, I find myself defending her lean physique to jealous women who weigh more than her.
All. The damn. Time.
Why can’t we be more reasonable with our numbers?
Why can’t we be more accepting of other peoples’ numbers?
Over the last 8 years, between 2 pregnancies, stressful times, happy times, medical issues, butt surgery, and everything else, I have traversed the clothes racks from the size 14 section to the size 6. Back and forth. Back and forth.
And I bet you just had an emotional response to those numbers, thinking it was really big or really small or too much of a range or something else altogether.
Who cares what my sizes were?
Did I love myself any more or less because of the number on my pants or the scale? Did my husband? My kids?
Absolutely not. Why should we?
And how dare we talk about this stuff in front of our kids? How dare we negatively call ourselves fat or ugly or skinny or too short or too whatever in front of our kids, who think we are always, always beautiful?
Why do we want them to start buying the bullshit that we aren’t beautiful just the way we are? That they aren’t beautiful just the way they are?
I do now, for health reasons, know I have a number I need to stay below. Or at least, stick close to. It’s not for looks. It’s not for vanity.
And it sure as hell ain’t anywhere near 110-125 pounds.
I’m learning that if I can stay just under 160 pounds, my food intake is balanced enough that I’m not re-injuring my butt. I refuse to let the love of second slices of cheesecake cause me to have anal surgery again. No, thank you!
It also seems to be where my asthma is the most controlled. And my doctors are happy with it, since my family has so much cancer, heart, cholesterol and other issues on their plate. None of us want me to have to deal with any of that.
Are other people taking all of this into consideration when they choose their number, whether it be an “Above This” or “Below This” decision?
Why do we give a shit what the women on TV, movies and celebrity rags say they weigh, or insist is the best weight/size/body shape for everyone?
I just don’t get it.
And I will never, ever be embarrassed to say:
My name is Kim,
and today I weigh 158.4lbs
Will you share your real weight with me right now?
Do you have an “Above This” or “Below This” number?
How did you choose it?
Have your kids said anything about dieting or weight yet, yours or theirs?
What was that experience like?
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Holy comments, Batman! I think, perhaps, you’ve struck a chord. I suppose there’s not a woman in the world without some body image issues, no matter how big or small.
I just turned 38 (how is that possible??). I weigh myself once a month or so at the gym. I’m 5’4 & I fluctuate between 117 – 122. I do not believe in dieting. I believe in a healthy lifestyle. I don’t go to the gym to drop pounds (actually, when I go frequently I usually gain a few lbs. of muscle) but to build strength and try to improve my horrid cardio.
When I’m on my own I feel good in my skin. But (there’s alawa hubby is a whopping 5’6 and 140. So when I see myself in pics with him I feel huge. There’s no big differential between us. And honestly, that keeps me in line, even if I hadn’t been fortunate enough to be raised with good eating habits.
Oh, and that “little guy” still battles genetic blood pressure & cholesterol issues, so I do my best to feed him well and really try to live a healthy lifestyle. I do my best to stress to our kid that we do that not because we don’t want to get fat, but because we want to live long, healthy lives.
PS–I have friends who weight 30 lbs more than me, wear the same size, and totally rock their bods. It’s just a number.
Sorry–damn cat walked on the keyboard. That would be “. . .(there’s always a but) my hubby. . .”
I love everyone’s stories! I hate, hate, HAAAAAATE getting on the scale at the doctor’s office, even after losing 30 pounds this winter. I purposefully wear lightweight clothing and shoes that I can easily kick off before I get on the scale. And then I act like I’m 5 and hold my ears and shut my eyes when I step on the scale. And what do they do right after that? Take your blood pressure and wonder why it’s a little high! DON’T WEIGH ME AND IT WON’T BE!
I THINK it’s a compliment when nurses sometimes say, “You don’t look like you weigh that much.” (At least they don’t say what my son said to me when he was three and with me when I got on the scale at an ob appointment when I was very pregnant with my daughter, “You suuuuure are big, Mommy.”)
And, now, this shows how demented I am about weight: I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer this spring and have been more than a little disappointed that it hasn’t made me lose a pound. I also had “butt surgery” this summer, and it didn’t, either! WHERE’S THE FAIRNESS IN THAT?!
I haven’t divulged yet, have I? (Hold on while I close my eyes and hold my ears) 5’10” and 168 on a good day.
I wish you the best with your breast cancer treatments, and your healing butt (I know first hand how much that hurts!). Take care of yourself.
LOVE this article!! Our country as a whole is so weight-obsessed. I say as long as you are healthy and happy, it shouldn’t matter what the scale says. Embrace your curves or lack thereof and rock whatever figure God gave you!
BTW, I am 5’6″ and normally weigh about 105, but I’m 7 months pregnant at the moment, so I’m up to about 116 right now.
I lost 120 lbs (that’s right 120) 16 yrs ago. I have been overweight/fat (let’s call a spade a spade and a shovel a shovel) since I was 8 yrs old and started being bullied. I regained that 120 # PLUS some by allowing food to be my friend in my 14 yr marriage. After a recent health scare, I decided NO ONE but me was responsible for my weight gain and NO ONE but me could lose it for me. I also decided FOOD couldn’t be my friend. I began walking slowly adding longer distance, and cutting out a LOT of carbs and really focused on true hunger and not emotional eating. My starting weight this time was 310. 310 is what defensive linemen in the NFL weigh, not 41 yr old short women. Today the scale said 296#. I am up to 2.4 miles about 5 days per week now. Walking and watching my diet closely are working for me. I will never see 120 #. The smallest I have ever been as an adult was 150 # 16 yrs ago after a year long 1000 calorie a day diet. It may take years to lose enough weight to even be considered normal sized, but I WILL DO IT BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Slow and steady wins that race. Good for you for taking control of your health in a smart way!
I also hate BMI….oh do I hate it. For my height my “doctor recommended” BMI is in a weight range that turns me into an unhealthy eater….meaning I meticulously measure, count, and worry about every calorie that crosses my lips….won’t eat out, won’t have a drink with friends….psycho food-counter.
I managed to meet that BMI and maintain it…but my husband had to point out how nuts I was getting about what I could and could not eat. I had to stop.
I am 155.8 today. I weigh myself every few days and if that number goes up a bit I take stock of my recent choices and make adjustments….no counting, no measuring….just being honest with myself. I play with my kids, and I do yoga when I have free-time/motivation. I walk to alot of places instead of drive.
I am at my lowest weight since I started having children….but I’m not where I was on my wedding day (remember the unhealthy “healthy” weight)….that was it….a goal for my wedding that I made and kept…but everyone said I looked unhealthy and I felt unhealthy (in the head).
It pisses me off when the doctor makes blanket statements…..like for my height I shouldn’t weigh more than “x”….and that is that. No. That is not that. I am more than the sum of my numbers and so is my health.
For me…I want to stay about where I am. I can have a drink with friends, go out to lunch, have ice cream with my kids and not WORRY about how many calories it is, and do I have enough for the day, etc. To be my “ideal” weight for height…I have to be mentally unhealthy (for me) and sacrifice my lifestyle. At my current weight I have a life, I love my shape, I exhibit healthy choices to my children and I NEVER talk about what I weigh, have gained or lost in a given week. It’s my number and it only matters to me.
All those “ideal weight range” calculators are different. I looked at one today that said my range is 139-156 (if I was to consider myself a Medium frame). If I weighed 139lbs, I’d be very ill. Weak. Unable to intake enough calories to enjoy my life. I’m fine just over the top of that range. I have great doctors who look at the whole picture, and agree with me.
I’m 34.5 weeks pregnant and at the highest weight of my life. Before I got pregnant I was at 112 and now I am at 161. I wasn’t happy, AT ALL, with my weight number or the way I looked before I was pregnant and now I look back at pictures and see that I was absolutely insane.
I’m 5’8″ and when I first met my husband in 2006 I weighed in right around 150lbs, only 10lbs heavier than my average weight throughout high school. Over the following 4 years my diabetes and depression got the better of me and before I got pregnant with my first and only child I was hovering right around 190lbs. By the end of my pregnancy even with strict dietary & blood sugar control [A1C 5.8 eff ya!] I topped the scales at 257lbs! That’s a number that I will never forget, egads was I ready to get back to my pre-baby weight or lower. I was encouraged by the 30lbs I lost in the first 2 months post baby. I know now that was just the breastfeeding fairy, so when my milk supply dried up the drop in weight slowed down right along with it. Now it’s nearly 3 years later and I’m floating right around 210lbs, some days it’s more, others less.
My motivation to exercise & eat healthy waxes and wanes as do my cravings for chili-cheese anything which I deny satisfying 9 out of 10 times. Thanks to getting out on my bike 3 times a week I’ve been slimming down and it helps with my depression as well. I have managed to lose a total of 6 inches between my gut, thighs, and bust over the past 3 months; because muscle weighs more than fat it seems like I’m not losing any weight and that is frustrating. I just have to remind myself before I get on the scale that it’s just a number and what really matters is that I love myself enough to take care of myself so I can stick around for my daughter.
I’m 39, 5’4″ and weigh 141. My ideal weight would be 130. I lost 14 pounds earlier this year with the C25K, but I’m stuck on the last 10 pounds. I LOVE food. My hubby is a fantastic cook and sometimes that doesn’t help. Carbs go directly to my ass. Thankfully my hubby is an ‘Ass Man’. ;P I have had body issues since my freshman 15 in college over 20 years ago…. Thank you for this post.
Sorry, you can try and spin it any way you want, but the fact is fat is fat. You can live in denial and call it beautiful and say how happy you are, but the fact is that being overweight is a serious health issue that most people possess the power to avoid. The media has long been accused of pushing an unhealthy ideal of thinness, yet in your own way you are seeking to subvert the realities of obesity by trying to convince yourself and others that we should instead accept being fat as a superior alternative. Telling kids that it is okay to be fat is doing them an equally harmful disservice as is instructing them that they should pursue an image that could only be attained by starving themselves. And here’s the deal, there are far more people out in the world today who are obese than there are who are too thin. So despite your “woe is we the persecuted fat of the world” party line, you are actually helping to perpetuate an unhealthy image that affects infinitely more people than the one that you are decrying. Obesity is the single largest health issue facing the United States today, and yet, you seemingly wish to promote an atmosphere allowing people to think it is okay to be fat? Well I for one do not beleive it is okay. For most people, staying in shape is a simple matter of combining self-control with activity and common sense. All of you who are whining about how you will never again weigh what you did when you were in your twenties apparently missed the memo explaining that as you age your metabolism slows down. Furthermore, as you have grown up and out, your eating habits have quite obviously not evolved at all. Yes, most kids like to eat lots of shitty food. As you grow up, you are supposed to reach a point where as adults, you are able to recognize that many products being sold as food actually contain little if any nutritional value, and furthermore, that continuing to eat them will make you fat. Yet, those of you saying “I weighed this in my 20s and this in my 30s, etc.” does it not occur to you that as your metabolisms slow down with age, you need to make adjustments. Sure, most of us could eat anything when we were young, but now that we aren’t anymore, it is time to face reality. Sure reality can come in the form chaning nothing except our bulging waistlines on the march towards obesity, or you can adjust your life accordingly and maintain a suitable healthy weight. Walk away from the totally unnecesary sugary drinks. Instead of bitching about the injustice of no longer being able to eat an entire buffet, say to yourself, “Fast food is crap!” You want another piece of cake, go for a run and then eat a half slice. Take some personal responsibility for your health rather than continually blaming conspiracies for all your own shortcomings. For all the complaints about the media promoting an image that is too skinny, the reality is that there is far more being done right now with vanity sizing and media blitzes about the new “beautiful” etc. to promote an equally unhealthy lifestyle on the opposite end of the spectrum that is affecting an alarming number of people in society, and the difference here is that it is no longer just about women, by trying to maintain that fat is beautiful and okay, you can be guilty of selling potentially deadly habits to both your sons and daughters. And this is something you want poeple to be proud of?
Just to clarify, I am not saying at all that I think it is ideal to be obese. The likelihood of being able to remain healthy enough for a vital, long life while being obese is very slim.
What I am saying is that I wish people were more comfortable owning up to their weight and not be ashamed to say it. Not worry what others will say. Not cringe because they know they will be judged, one way or another.
I have known too many overweight people who are so ashamed of their number that they refuse to say it, cut the sizes out of their clothes so no one else can guess it, then curl up into themselves to dull the pain with more food which makes them weigh even more. Which makes them even less healthy. Which makes them even more embarrassed. I wish they could say “I weigh XYZ and know how I got here. I don’t want to be here, but I’m not going to let you make me feel like shit while I deal with the hard process of getting to a healthier place.”
I want people to stop being so damn mean to other people over what scales say.
I want people to stop being so damn mean to themselves over what their scales say.
I honestly believe that the less people obsess over an ideal, the less they worry one way or another about their size and more about their health, the less power we give to food and drink in our lives, the better off we’ll all be.
If I could magically make everyone a weight that keeps them healthy, guarantees a long life, and fits their lifestyle, then erase from their brains all the stupidity that the media their mothers their mean peers have been spewing in their ears, I would. Whether that means a tight lean body of a triathlete or a plump, curvy strong physique of a foodie, it doesn’t matter.
I am in no way saying morbidly obese is the way to go.
I am in no way saying malnourished skinny is the way to go.
I’m saying that letting go of the fear of a number should be first priority.
Next should be figuring out where a healthy range for you is.
Then finding a way to balance your lifestyle so your head, your heart and your body can find the happy place we all deserve.
Weight is a ridiculous thing to let take over our lives in a negative way. It should just be the thing that gravity pulls against as we go about our lives, enjoying it to the fullest that we can.
Amen! Not only does moving the focus away from weight and toward health help those of us struggling with obesity, but also our sisters who are fighting anorexia or struggling with bulimia. (And there are more than a few of us who have struggled with more than one of these problems!)
YES. Health is #1. Let’s level the playing field. Let’s stop making it harder for people who need to be healthier, whether that means gaining or losing.
Obviously you missed the point of this post entirely. There have been countless times that people have told me how great I look after having 3 kids (I eat *mostly* healthy and workout hard 5-6 days a week) and then immediately ask me how much I weigh now. Why the f*&k does it matter? It’s a number. It doesn’t define me, or magically make me healthier or less healthy than someone with a different number. I am 5’10”, 175 lbs., and a size 10, and I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life, no matter what the BMI, or people like you, say I *should* weigh in at.
That’s another thing that bugs me: why the “you look good for having kids” thing. What, I should look like hell once I’m a mom? Yeah, everyone kind of looks like hell the first 6 months due to sleep deprivation and all that, but we should be allowed to look good without it being a shock to society.
Here’s the thing you’re missing.
It’s posts like yours, that make those who are struggling, struggle more.
I’m not okay being “fat” … but I am okay being me. I am okay being a size 14 instead of a size 8 or 10 .. because unlike what you’ve assumed here, I do realize that my metabolism has slowed. I do realize I have genetics, and other medical issues that are against me as well.
I am also okay with other people being okay with themselves. If being supportive to one another is a “party line” … I’ll be first in line.
You know, I think I look fine, but I weight more than people in my family and most of my friends, so I get a lot of tips on how to lose weight. Maybe I need new friends? I’m 5-7, and weigh about 179 lbs. It’s more than when I married, but less than a few years ago. When I work out, it’s for mental/spiritual fitness. The rest can go hang.