I’m Okay to Weigh . . .

What is the ideal weight?

It seems to me that the range of 110-120lbs holds a lot of women’s personal ideal body weight. A Magic Number, of sorts.

And I never understood why.  We all come in different shapes and sizes, and there are millions of us. How could the ideal range be so small?

Over the years, I’ve rarely heard of any woman being really honest and open about her weight. The real number on the scale.

And it confuses me.

What’s the Big Deal?

It’s like some dirty little secret, what we really weigh.

And it’s never the right number.

Just last week, I heard a beautiful friend of mine say near a group of kids, including her daughter, “I need to lose 10 pounds in the next month” because of a trip.

No. No, she doesn’t.

I have also witnessed tangible hate spew from the eyes of many a woman who met a close friend of mine for the first time. She’s thin, naturally, but also is an athlete for health reasons. Yet, I find myself defending her lean physique to jealous women who weigh more than her.

All. The damn. Time.

Why can’t we be more reasonable with our numbers?

Why can’t we be more accepting of other peoples’ numbers?

Over the last 8 years, between 2 pregnancies, stressful times, happy times, medical issues, butt surgery, and everything else, I have traversed the clothes racks from the size 14 section to the size 6. Back and forth. Back and forth.  

And I bet you just had an emotional response to those numbers, thinking it was really big or really small or too much of a range or something else altogether.

Who cares what my sizes were?

Did I love myself any more or less because of the number on my pants or the scale? Did my husband? My kids?

Absolutely not. Why should we?

And how dare we talk about this stuff in front of our kids? How dare we negatively call ourselves fat or ugly or skinny or too short or too whatever in front of our kids, who think we are always, always beautiful?

Why do we want them to start buying the bullshit that we aren’t beautiful just the way we are? That they aren’t beautiful just the way they are?

I do now, for health reasons, know I have a number I need to stay below. Or at least, stick close to.  It’s not for looks. It’s not for vanity.

And it sure as hell ain’t anywhere near 110-125 pounds.

I’m learning that if I can stay just under 160 pounds, my food intake is balanced enough that I’m not re-injuring my butt. I refuse to let the love of second slices of cheesecake cause me to have anal surgery again. No, thank you!

It also seems to be where my asthma is the most controlled.  And my doctors are happy with it, since my family has so much cancer, heart, cholesterol and other issues on their plate. None of us want me to have to deal with any of that.

Are other people taking all of this into consideration when they choose their number, whether it be an “Above This” or “Below This” decision?

Why do we give a shit what the women on TV, movies and celebrity rags say they weigh, or insist is the best weight/size/body shape for everyone?

I just don’t get it.

And I will never, ever be embarrassed to say:

My name is Kim,
and today I weigh 158.4lbs

Will you share your real weight with me right now?

Do you have an “Above This” or “Below This” number?
How did you choose it?

Have your kids said anything about dieting or weight yet, yours or theirs?
What was that experience like?

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Comments

Comments

  1. says

    Go you!!

    You’re absolutely right. Everyone has an optimum weight where they’re healthiest – and it’s not necessarily the ‘ideal slim’ weight.

    I want to tell you my exact weight but my digital scale has blitzed out on me. I can tell you it’s just below 130. Yay I told someone!
    Alison recently posted..Great ExpectationsMy Profile

  2. says

    Love this…
    I agree, completely.

    Also, I’ve noticed in looking through pictures of myself through the years where my weight has fluctuated by 20 pounds and I really can’t tell the difference in how I look in those pictures! The really thin me looks almost the same as the heavier me!

    My “goal” is 128-130 but only because that’s where I feel best.

    Right now, I’m between 135-140.

    Thanks for writing this :)
    ronnie recently posted..Now That You Have an E-Reader, Here’s What to Do With Your NewspaperMy Profile

  3. says

    I weigh 165lbs.
    I am 5 feet tall.
    I wear between a size 14 & 16, depending on the clothing item. I’ve actually recently purchased shirts – that are an M/L. They fit me properly, way better than the XL/XXL I’d been getting.

    I am losing weight, slowly, properly.

    If I can get to 155. I’ll be happier .. Why? Because I have a really round middle (thanks Emily) and ass .. and I don’t think my back side (where my ass meets my back?) should look like a shelf. At all. And it does.

    I wear cute clothes, I’m 98% happy with my self. the other 2%? Meh. I’ll get there.

  4. says

    You’re very right. I never talk about this stuff in front of my kids, and I cringe when other people do.

    No, I will not share my real number with you. I still cling to the number on the scale for my own happiness. Right now I’m very, very overweight. For my health, how I want to look, how I want to feel. What I weigh right now is totally connected to my self worth and happiness, right or wrong. How I look (thin-wise) always has been. When I have been in a happy size (6) I feel like I’m a better version of myself.

    When I see women who’s bodies I crave (for myself, not sexually) I am totally jealous. I notice every thin woman on tv, at the beach, in the mall, everywhere. I can’t help it. I measure myself against them and come up short. It sucks. I don’t let my body-envy get in the way of my feelings about the other person. I know these are my issues.

    But I never say any of this in front of my kids. Or out loud at all, really. Let them get their own issues organically.
    Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..Don’t Talk to Strangers: Do as I Say and Not as I Do?My Profile

    • says

      This is so honest… and beautiful. I’ve watched my sister struggle with weight issues and I see how difficult it is for her. The number DOES matter… for health reasons, and yes, even for self-esteem. My sister has lost 50 pounds, and still wants to lose 50 more pounds. She’s busting her ASS, working out 4-5 times per week, and eating right. She has weeks when she loses nothing, even though she’s done everything ‘right.’ It’s not easy, but it IS doable. :) xoxo
      Kristen Mae recently posted..Birthdays Are StupidMy Profile

    • says

      Allison: I can see noticing the physique you want, and I absolutely think that’s ok. Especially since I know you’re working the right way to get there. And I’m rooting for you.
      I’m doing the best I can to not screw up my kids with my issues, too. I’ll let them get their own.

  5. says

    Very true, and quite brave – although it is too bad it needs to be considered “brave.” I’ve zig zagged across the same size range as you, and I’ve realized that I’m more comfortable now than I was as a size 6 – but that’s because I’m happier in general these days.

    I’ve been counting calories lately, trying to get back into an old, smaller wardrobe or at least be less squished in my current clothes, so this was a timely read for me. My name is Robyn, and (gulp) today I weigh 168.8. BUT DON’T TELL ANYONE!
    hollow tree ventures recently posted..A Mandatory Walk Down Matrimony LaneMy Profile

    • says

      Agreed. I’ve said my weight in public during conversation and have had people get all uncomfortably quiet near me. Why should it be brave? It’s not like the people in front of me can’t see me.
      Thanks for sharing!

  6. Amy Garnett says

    It JUST SO happens that I’m in the drs office this morning and I really needed this blog. When the nurse asked me to weigh, I nearly broke out in hives because I wore TENNIS SHOES instead of flip flops. I didn’t want to take the time (or draw attention to myself) by squatting down to untie and take them off (plus then I would have to either squat back down to put them on or walk in my new socks down the hallway). Crap. So see… I needed this little slap in the face this morning. Thank you!!

  7. Amy Garnett says

    Oh! P.S. I weighed 175.4. And even though I feel a strong urge to also list my height in attempt to make you think, “oh, she’s tall”, I’m gonna refrain. I’m a work in progress. :)

  8. Jessica says

    As of this mornign I weigh 148.2. I try to keep it between 145 & 150. I’m curvy & I like my curves (& my cheesecake). I have zero interest in being 120 pounds.

  9. says

    Today I am 210. My husband thinks I am beautiful and my 3 kids do too. Am I happy? No, and I am slowly making changes. Will I ever be 122 lbs again like I was when I was 22 yrs old?! Nope, and I am ok with that. Babby steps, my first goal is to get under that scary 200 number and then go from there. I will be 40 in January and I am hoping by next summer to be able to wear shorts not capris when we go to the lake.

    • Kim says

      I also went above the “scary” number 200 and will soon be 40. I yo-yo’ed from 130-150 in my 20s and 160-180 for most of my 30s, and I always said, “at least I know I will never go over 200.” What do you know? Just stating that didn’t keep it from happening. And though like many of you, I am not happy with the weight (I have been very content at 160-170), it really is mind-blowing that I can still enjoy life, have friends, succeed in my marriage and at my job, be adored by my kids…even at this “scary” and dreaded weight. It has changed how I fit on amusement park rides, but it hasn’t changed who I am.

      • says

        Kim: My problem is that when I get above a certain weight/size, it means I’ve slipped into some bad habits that negatively affect my health. Doesn’t make me feel any less lovable or sexy, doesn’t make me feel bad about myself, but it does make my life less comfortable and healthy. So I have to keep an eye on the scale. Those of you who can gain and not have health ramifications are lucky.

    • says

      Rosie: It’s wonderful that you have the support of your husband. People gain & lose for different reasons, and in long relationships you should expect ups & downs.
      I bet you’ll be in shorts next summer. I believe in you.

    • Melissa says

      I also hit that above 200 mark (215) and had high cholesterol. I lost interest in just about everything w/o even realizing it. I started a diet (Seattle Sutton – good for someone who HATES to cook), plus the requisite exercise and am down to 179-ish. My aches and pains have greatly diminished and I can walk up stairs w/o being winded. My target weight (for me) is around 145. I, too, will never be that tiny girl I was in my teens and twenties but am happy to say that I have been regaining an interest in life. I wear a size 16 and hope to get into a 10 at some point. I am not afraid of my number and am grateful that my husband thinks I am beautiful at any size.

  10. says

    This is a very important post. I love you for it. I think I weigh about 137 but not sure. I don’t weigh myself anymore bc I am crazy. Everyone should just say their numbers and go be happy.

  11. Gretchen says

    I just turned 35 last week. (Yay me..). Two kids – ages almost 5 and 2.5 and my weight it slowly starting to come down. Slowly. Being on 4’11 I should fall somewhere around an olympic gymnist weight and a typical woman of 106-120 lbs. Haven’t seen those numbers since my freshman year of college, and I’m ok with that. I will never be 125 again but 132 is realistic. This morning the scale flashed a number of 138.4 lbs. I have boobs and curves and 138.4lbs isn’t so bad. Yes, the target is 130, but my clothes fit better, I sleep better at night with less snoring and I feel more active. I’ve only lost 10lbs, but my body says thank you for the effort.
    Once i figured out that my body only needs 1400 calories a day, instead of that RIDICULIOUS 2000 diet that is for someone much taller and over all bigger than me, this whole weight loss-to-calorie intake plan started to become more realistic. I can do this. So can you.

  12. Terri says

    I currently run between 175 and 180. I’m not thrilled with it, but I don’t hate myself either. I would LOVE to get to between 150 and 160 because in looking at my past, I feel that’s a reasonable place for me to be post-pregnancies (7 of them) and the hormone/depression roller coaster. It’s where my asthma is best controlled and where I feel slender enough without feeling like every food I love is forbidden. And I try to teach my kids that it’s not about the number, it’s about how you feel and your health.

  13. Pam says

    My name is Pam
    This morning I weigh 161.8 lb
    I mesure 5″7
    I’m 39yrs and have 2 boys of 9y and 11y

    I live in france and am a flight attendant for Air France which means basically being everyday with beautiful thin model type girls on every flight

    But I’m not french , I’m Irish, and I have a real typical pear shape.
    So there you go.
    All over the world we worry about our weight and what others think. And it sucks!!! Lol

  14. L. Hewitt says

    I don’t have a scale at home. Weighed 112 last time checked. I don’t have an above/below number. My kid is 24, the only thing he has ever said about weight is that he would never date a girl that was a size 0. I hate talking about weight. Thank you for doing this post.

  15. alison says

    Good for you! I was recently 121. Was I happy? Well, I was a little disappointed in myself because I have really been hitting the sweets. But I am a stress eater…and I love dessert! Oh well. I am mostly happy. And itsn’t that what matters most. I like eating and living and I don’t want to regret not eating that last brownie!
    I have a 6 yr old daughter and I really try not to put my body down in front of her; my mom never talked about dieting in our home as opposed to my mother in law who dieted her whole life so I have a sister in law who often talks about her body issues. I want my daughter to always be happy with what she sees and know that she is so much more than that number on her scale.
    Aren’t we all more than just a number on a scale? And I’d rather be happy than hungry!

  16. says

    Kim, you’re nuts, but I love it.

    When I got married 8 years ago, I was about 150, in a size 10 (I’m tall). I then proceeded to have a baby 9 months & 6 days after the wedding, and every 2 years or so, until about 3 years ago. Once I had kids, I was unable to lose more than 10 pounds. I did Atkins. I did weight watchers. I ordered those nasty smoothies from the infomercial. I walked, rode bikes, played with the kids, walked the hospital during my breaks, oh, and I watched what I ate. I had my doctor run all kinds of tests, thinking there was a medical reason I couldn’t lose the weight. I mean, there has to be a reason right?

    Wrong. My thyroid is a smidge wonky, but not enough for meds. My metabolism is low, but my calorie intake takes that into consideration. What could it be?

    Then I looked at a few photos of both my grandmothers. They were both svelte and sexy BK. They were both curvy and statuesqe after kids. Talking like, size 18-30 here. Which is where I’ve been since kids. Vacillating between 18 and 24. Do I hate those sizes, sure I do. Do I hate my flappy tummy? Of course. Can I do anything about it? Not too terribly much I’m afraid. If I ate less than I already do, I’d be catatonic. Exercise more? A little, but I apparently broke my foot a while back and didn’t get it looked at, so now I have to live with a sore foot every. damn. day. I’m sure if I really wanted to do it, I could have surgery, but I just don’t feel like I need to go that route. I need to come to terms with my body, and just be healthy at the weight I’m at. My husband still desires me, my boys thing I’m pretty, and sometimes I even feel pretty myself. And that’s all that really matters right?
    Julie recently posted..Solicited advice – of course I gave it!My Profile

    • says

      I’m glad you looked at the whole picture – not everyone does. There’s family genes and family habits (good & bad) and family expectations. There’s a lot to consider when figuring out why you are at where you’re at, and that’s before you even get to the doctor to see your own personal, individual health needs! *whew*
      I think you’re doing ok if you can see your pretty and feel the love and desire of those around you. Not everyone can.

  17. says

    190.5 and going down. I’m in that ‘need to be a bit more healthy’ group, though I’ve never been secretive about my weight. I’m shooting for 180, and then we’ll see where I go from there, if anywhere. I’m probably after something in the 150-160 range.

  18. Izzy says

    Thank you so much for posting this. I completely agree with everything you said, and especially about not talking about this stuff in front of the kids. I was recently told by the mom of my kid’s friend that her daughter is having ‘body issues’ and feels ‘fat’. She is 6 years old. This is wrong, wrong, wrong.

    I’m 5 feet tall and 125 pounds. And I’m not apologizing for it. :)

      • Izzy says

        We should also try to remember that weight has nothing to do with happiness. Haven’t you ever met a happy fat person? Or a miserable skinny person? It’s all in the attitude and in not letting your weight determine who you are and how happy you are. Our goal should not be a number on the scale, but acceptance for the person we are right now, no matter what our weight.

  19. says

    Fabulous post! Mind if I repost it at my blog?

    Despite my occasional bravado I am admittedly still uncomfortable with those pesky numbers on the scale. It’s funny to me that I will talk politics and religion to anyone and everyone (seriously, I don’t know why those things…especially politics…are taboo), but talk about my stretch marks and ever increasing (it feels) jean size and I am a quiet mouse. I will have to work on that.
    Kelly O’Sullivan (HILWD) recently posted..The Liberation That Comes With Being The IT GirlMy Profile

  20. Melissa says

    What a timely post! I currently weigh 145. I want to weigh 135, because that’s when my clothes fit best and my doctor said my cholesterol was a tad high and perhaps by simply losing 10 pounds it would improve without medication. So that is my goal, however I take a medication for my migraines which, apparently if I look at food, I gain weight. So I stopped the migraine pills and started running, we shall see how this goes. It’s only been 3 days without the medicine and I have yet to be able to run because of the weather.

    • says

      I deal with migraines, too, and for some reason eating fatty foods (like ice cream or really peanut buttery toast) helps me feel better with my meds. Not very helpful. ;)
      What helps me with them, is to not gain much weight, stretch a lot so my neck/shoulder muscles stay loose, and a good pillow. I have a feeling that running might help you out a lot. Good luck! I know how awful they can be.

      • Melissa says

        That’s is so funny you comment about a good pillow! I must buy a new pillow every 2 months- thinking it helps my head/neck! Glad to know I’m not crazy and need to be sure to tell my husband that too!

  21. says

    I weigh in the 220 range. It’s not healthy at all. At first I blamed the pregnancy weight, but it’s almost 9 months later and I weigh more then I did when I went in to deliver. I definitely need to get rid of the candy and frozen foods.

    • says

      I’ve heard many times, 9 months to put it on and at least 9 months to take it off…deliberately. Don’t beat yourself up, just prioritize yourself. Which is hard with a baby (<– understatement of the year), but you deserve to feel good.

  22. says

    Hi Kim, funny you should ask this question. I just , for the first time in my life, announced publicly that I weigh 244.8 pounds on my blog. I’ve decided to come clean because it is a secret that is keeping me from doing anything about it. I’m not sure but my ideal weight is probably 185 or 190. I’m 6 feet tall and have always felt I didn’t fit in anyway but I’m still affected by the media. I’ve decided to blog my journey if you care to read about it. Thanks for being real about this, I’m working hard on just that.

    • says

      I just went over to see, and I love your explanation as to why you are ready to be more open about it and why you’re doing your 45 day challenge. Troubles sleeping & no energy when you have a life to live, a family to care for, these alone are reasons to step up to the plate.
      You’re beautiful and motivated and I bet whatever your number ends up being, it will be a smart one. Best of luck on your journey!

      • says

        Thanks Kim. While it’s difficult sometimes to be open about anything that really matters, what I find is that is the things we most stress about are the things that we need to sort out. The issues keep returning, don’t they? I am still working on my reaction to people I don’t know that say, ‘Oh hey! I read your blog!’ Yikes..not sure what they remember about what they read, I imagine it’s the worst stuff, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say.
        Leeanne Ekland recently posted..The 45 Day Challenge: Breakfast Eating HabitsMy Profile

    • Carrie says

      Omg, I am so glad you commented. I was reading through the comments and starting to freak out that I was the only one in the 230-240 range. I’ve recently started to take it seriously… exercising more than I was, and more importantly, keeping track of how much I’m eating. I had no idea how many calories I was eating everyday. So far its been two and a half weeks. First week I lost 4 lbs. Last one I lost none. A little disappointing, but I know its a long term thing, and going to be a long while before I can get to my ideal weight. Just can’t let my disappointment when I dont show changes on the scale get to me. That’s what’s made me quit in the past.

  23. Bridget says

    It’s a damn shame that having the “right” body by society’s standard does not actually make one’s life perfect. ;)
    And I have to say it is so painful to see women I love and admire rip their bodies apart and compare themselves to others. The worst part is there is nothing conforting I can say because nobody wants to hear it from the skinny girl.

    Great post, Kim!

  24. says

    It’s such crap because the number itself is meaningless; it’s the way you wear it! Also, it’s about being fit and healthy. We need to get a healthier attitude about our bodies – sooner rather than later.
    Megan recently posted..If You Ask Me…My Profile

  25. Melinda Marinda Shaw Spiegel says

    150-155 depending…

    But no flowery responses here. I work out, I eat (mostly) healthy, and I drink micro brews…and am I happy? Hell yes!

  26. says

    I have no idea what I weigh exactly. But I know I’m wearing size 10/12 jeans when I used to wear 2/4. Also, 20 years and three kids have passed through this body of mine. But these kids of mine: they don’t ever ask what I weigh or what size I am. It’s like it doesn’t matter to them at all.
    Phoenix Rising recently posted..From There to Here in 3 Short YearsMy Profile

    • says

      As it shouldn’t.
      Age, pregnancy, birth, all sorts of things change our structure and will change our size. Also, clothes are cut smaller than they once were, so everyone wears a bigger size now than they did 20 years ago. Getting hung up on those numbers is useless.

  27. says

    I’m hovering at or below 240, depending on the time of day.

    I’d like to lose about 10 more pounds, based on personal appearance AND medical necessity. If my weigfht is lower my Dr. said I can stop taking the blood pressure meds, if I want to.

    My daughter is 9yo and TOO skinny, imo. I don’t think we should be able to see ribs etc BUT I would *never* tell her that and her Dr. says she’s AOK weight-wise (she’s tall) I have heard her say she’s too skinny, and when I asked her why she thinks so she say”just because,” though I’m sure she’s hearing it from somewhere. Do 9yo girls compare weight with each other already??
    @bluenotebacker recently posted..After the FireMy Profile

    • says

      I’m sorry to say, but yeah. 9yo kids already talk about this stuff, because their parents do and people on TV do and all the magazines do. Which is why I am so aggravated about this topic. The pressure people put on themselves to achieve a certain number, the pressure kids feel at an age when they should be just playing and loving being a kid. It’s awful.

  28. says

    257, and I rock every pound. This body carried three amazing children and I earned every last sag and stretch mark. Each one left me about 20 pounds. And if it meant not having those babies in my life, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

    Could I use to lose? Yes. Am I recently down 10 pounds and sporting some new toned muscle? Yes. Am I losing sleep over it? No. My husband loves my ass the way it is, my doc says I’m healthy, so I’m not losing ANY sleep over it.
    Robyn S. recently posted..mom and dad vs. Olivia vs. the mothMy Profile

  29. Kirsten M. says

    I don’t own a scale. Mainly because I realized that it just drives me crazy. It’s just a number and I know what matters is how I feel, not the digit peering back at me. I was tiny in high school… like didn’t reach triple digits until I was a Junior. After that it was a slow progression up the scale. Before I got married, I dieted and exercised over a year and went from 160 to 130 and I was happy in my dress on my wedding day. Since then I have climbed that scale again. I was 160 again by the time I got pregnant and just under 200 when I had my daughter. 8 weeks after I had lost all the baby weight and was back to 160. Since then I have fluctuated between 140-160. I’m happier at 140, but I can live with 160. I know I’m at the high side since I started working from home full time a few months back and don’t burn as many calories as I did when I was in an office. I’m hoping to get into a routine that involves more time outside, but we’ll see. What I do know is that my daughter loves me and my husband still wants to have sex, so everything is OK.

  30. Lindsay says

    Awesome post!
    I weigh 128 lbs. I am 5’8. Here’s a list of my other “noteworthy” weights:
    186 10 yrs ago, birth of son
    185 3 yrs ago, birth of daughter
    165 1 yr ago, on steroids for lupus
    140 when I got pregnant with son at 20.
    135 when I got pregnant with daughter at 27.
    120 as a senior in high school.
    125 at my wedding.

    I’m 31, and my closet ranges from size 2 to size 12. My kids totally rock. Having them and a great pair of jeans in my “main” sizes is plenty enough for me to enjoy curves where I have them and lack of curves where I don’t. And I have plenty of stretch marks!

  31. says

    I’m in the 175ish range right now. (fluctuating between 173-178, depending on the time of the month ;) When I first got married my “I’ll never get over this much” number was 140, but having kids threw that out the window. I don’t dislike my body, but I would love to get back into single digit sizes. Right now I’m a size 12 and I would really like to be in a size 8. I exercise pretty regularly, doing Zumba, yoga & riding the bike or the elliptical for 3 miles or so at the gym a few days a week and I do a half-hearted attempt at Weight Watchers, but I don’t like the idea of dieting right now because I’m still breastfeeding my youngest. I am considering a breast reduction for health reasons (currently a size 38E and only 5’3 and having a ridiculous amount of back pain every day) but I want to see if I can do it without surgery by working out a little harder before I resort to that. I think taking the ladies down a notch will be worth at least a good 10-15 pounds. :) Thank you for this post. I want to set a good example for my daughters, so I try to let them see me exercising as much as possible, but the results aren’t showing up in the scale fast enough for my liking. It seems like all my super skinny friends are runners, though, so I think I’m just going to have to ignore the fact that I hate running and start doing it, regardless of the fact that my boobs will probably be bouncing up and hitting me in the nose the whole time.
    Stephanie recently posted..Mommy & Me Tea PartyMy Profile

    • says

      Oh man, the Big Boob Factor. Those babies alone could add a solid 4-8lbs to a frame. And I’m guessing they are tough on you, since you’re petite. I know people who have had the reduction, and that changed their lives. Not because of the lbs lost, but the strain of them was taken away. I’m tall & used to have big boobs (2 pregnancies deflated them drastically), and even though my frame was big enough to hold them, it was annoying to try to find clothes that looked good, or strong enough sports bras to exercise in.
      You take care of yourself and that nursing baby & check back in sometime. Thanks for sharing!

  32. Erika says

    I’m currently pregnant with my 4th baby, so am higher than usual. I did weight watchers last year while my DH was deployed and managed to get temporarily down to 165. Then he got home and I cooked all sorts of yummy foods that he hadn’t had in a long time, and then we were TTC, and then I got pregnant and so the weight creeped back up over 180. I don’t tend to gain all that much with pregnancies, despite eating everything in sight (only gained 14, 9, and 10 lbs with the first 3) – my problem is cutting back once baby is born and then again when weaned. So, I’m hoping to stay under 200 by my due date and am planning to do weight watchers again after the birth. I’d like to get down to 150-160 and try to stay there. I don’t want to be thin – I like being comfortable and I like to eat, but I do feel healthier when I’m in a bit better shape. Exercising regularly really helps me lose weight and feel better, too (unfortunately, while I’m pregnant it just makes me feel sick). My DH likes me curvy and my boys think I’m pretty, so I have a happy environment at home. If this baby’s a girl I will definitely try my best to make sure she grows up with a happy body image.

  33. Linda says

    No, I won’t tell you my weight. Yes, I’m one of those. :) But I refuse to talk about weight or weight issues around my kids. It’s as if it doesn’t exist. The word “fat” does not exist in our vocabulary, and it only came into our house once my son started school and first heard the word. My kids look at me and they don’t see some fat lady, they see mom, and I want to keep it that way. As they get older we talk about how everyone is different – different skin color, hair color, eye color, size, shape – and that’s what makes the world interesting, because if everyone looked exactly the same it would be boring.

    • says

      I do incorporate “fat” into my kids’ vocabulary. That beautiful fat baby. The fluffy, fat, cozy blanket. I’d rather have them relate the word to something simply neutrally descriptive, so if some jerk at school tries to be mean & call someone fat, my kids won’t see why that’s the bad thing the mean kid is making it out to be. The “fat” person is simply the fluffier blanket – still lovely, just fluffier.
      And I agree: if we all looked exactly the same? Life would be totally boring. :)

  34. Gena says

    Five foot one inch tall. 28 years old. I had 3 kids all within 5 years. I weigh 87 pounds. My current size is a children’s 14 slim. I dream of the day I have the curves to fit a size 2 and wear were “grown-up” clothes. Until then, I guess I will just have to settle for finding a pair of jeans without sparkles, butterflies, hearts, or flowers.

  35. says

    I managed to lose 17lb. over the summer (woo-hoo!), so am down to 167lb., but would still like to off another 20. Pregnancies, mom dying, months of Zoloft, blah-blah. None of it helped and clearly knocked me out of fitting-in-normal-clothes range. While I love my yoga pants, I feel so much better and actually can muster up some energy if I’m in the 140s. Anyway, can’t believe I shared my #s–thought I would hate it, but wonderfully and weirdly refreshing and freeing in some way. Thanks, Kim!
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  36. says

    I have struggled with being dependent on that number on the scale for my entire life. My grandmother was morbidly obese and my mother passed on the fear of weight gain to me at an early age – like nine. Anyway, I am aware of my fear of gaining weight and I have gone through cycles over the years of dieting, gaining a little, maintaining, dieting…I try to talk myself out of caring, but it’s pretty ingrained. After having my two boys, I kept trying to get back to the weight I maintained from about 1999 to 2005…I felt it was a reasonable Holy Grail. but I couldn’t quite seem to stay at that weight, and I started to put myself on this emotional rollercoaster where my age was making my weight shoot up and down day by day with no explanation. So even my good or bad behavior had nothing to do with my feelings…just my aging body. (I sound like a hag!) Anyway, I made a deal with myself in March to only weigh in once a month as a reality check and to judge my fitness by the fit of my pants. I’ve actually done pretty well, although I fell off the wagon a few times. As such, I did NOT weigh myself today (yay me!) but I am pretty certain I am about 147lbs. Great post!
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    • says

      It must be tough to shake free from all of this head junk, but I am glad you’re working on it. I always saw my mom dieting, and thought she was being ridiculous. It didn’t stick with me at all. So I can’t totally relate to you, but I can hope for you. Hope that you can see how lovely you are, and that you deserve to just enjoy that food without worrying about that scale.

  37. Maureen says

    I weigh 107kg (you do the math). It’s a lot, not quite the highest I’ve ever been, when I was pregnant with either kid. Still, I still exercise and do a lot of things that “thin” people can’t/won’t. I’m working on it, because I would like to wear some of the really nice clothes I have hanging in my closet, because I want to be around for my kids and because I’d like to see pictures of me that I actually like.

    I’ve always been big, and people have always underestimated how much I weigh. And these days, I just really don’t care, because it’s how I feel that’s important. My doctor even told me that living on a noisy street is just as if not more stressful on your body than being overweight is. Let’s keep it in perspective people!

    • says

      Some people are affected more by physical weight and some by emotional weight. I think we need to take that into our calculations as well.
      I remember in high school there was a girl who some people would pick on because she was “big”. Then we did those national health assessments where we all had to do timed sit-ups, push ups, etc and she ROCKED IT. She beat almost everyone’s scores, even with more meat on her bones. Lesson: learned.

  38. says

    I’m 5’6″ and I weigh almost exactly 130lbs – it goes up or down a lb or so depending on the day. That definitely gives me a fairly lean bodytype, but I will be the first to say I was NOT healthy, for awhile. I’ve had back and hip issues from pregnancies, too much computer time, and not enough exercise. There were a couple times my back went out so badly I couldn’t even dress myself completely, I needed my husband’s help because I couldn’t move for the pain. I couldn’t climb a flight of stairs without losing my breath and having major knee burn. It finally reached a point where I went, the hell with this! I needed to be healthier, for myself and my kids. I may have been ‘thin’ but I sure didn’t feel good. So I started working out – running and lifting weights. Nothing huge, but it’s made a big impact in my life. I’ve only been at it a few months, but I already feel better. I’m slowly trying to clean up my diet some, too. I doubt I’ll lose weight [I don't need to!] but it will be good for my body. I’ve also loved it so much, I’m now working on the first class towards a 2 year college Personal Fitness Trainer diploma.

    Honestly, size is irrelevant, it’s how you FEEL that matters. Love yourself no matter what size, shape, colour, or whatever else you are, we’re all fabulous! If you feel like you weigh too much/too little/whatever, and want to make changes, go for it, but do it in a healthy way. Love yourself exactly as you are? You go, girl!
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    • says

      Yep. It is more important that you can feel good than fit some standard you think you need to fit into (whether higher or lower than you are).
      Good luck with your new training program! Holding that diploma is going to feel awesome.

  39. says

    Well, since I was weighed by the doc this week I know it’s 138. I’m 5’5″ and I don’t think I look awful. I hate that my tummy is jiggly (twins and a single will do that, no?) but I don’t know if I obsess over a number. I think for my health I know I need to stay under 145 and over 130. I looked sickly post first baby as I couldn’t keep the calories on while nursing. Being healthy is most important. I don’t look at magazines with photoshopped people and air brushed skin. What’s the point??

  40. says

    Okay, I’ll play along. *gulp*

    I weigh 185 lbs.

    This is about 50 lbs. more than I want to weigh, BUT it is 30 lbs. less than I weighed 4 months ago. That’s when I decided enough was enough. I stopped eating my feelings, stopped using my 5 kids as an excuse (the youngest is almost 3. The statute of limitations ran out on that about 2 years ago), and I started exercising (Couch to 5K.) My crazy back pain will thank me for it.

    Also, my insurance company refuses to cover my breast reduction surgery until I lose weight. The precious angels think these boobs will go away when I lose weight. *Snort* Thirty pounds gone and they’re still as big as ever.

    I have a goal weight and I even named my weight loss project–”135 by 35.” Catchy, right?
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  41. says

    My name is Paige and, three minutes ago, I weighed 151 lbs. At 5’7″ I’m pretty happy at about 135-140. My body naturally sits there, unless I go on a binge of Skittles, Doritos and Mountain Dew Code Red.

    Confession #2: I hate working out. I don’t recommend my usual diet of cigarettes, Power bars, and Diet Coke. But for this neurotic writer, it is what it is. I used to pretend I loved working out. I now spend my days searching for a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you hate Ellipticals”. The search continues.
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  42. says

    I’m at 200. My goal is 165. I’m 5’4″. I’m nearly 37 and have four spawn – all c-section. I was down to 185 when Dr. Evil was sick. I’ve crept back up with the stress of him getting better and him being better (and him unaffected by all that happened).

    Food is a problem for me. I will not eat if I’m stressed – seems like the one thing I can control and I’m working not controlling things in this manner. Given my weight, I don’t tell people this typically because the first person I ever shared this with didn’t believe me. I know now it’s a personal thing and I’m careful about who I tell (in person obviously…)

    I’m very careful around my kids. I don’t want them to have the issues I have. My kids are healthy – I’m healthy. I’m overweight and working on it but I am healthy. I run – just did 9 miles the other day.

    I wish I didn’t let a number on the scale bother me so much. To that end, I’ve stopped weighing myself and started going by how I feel. I am teaching my children to not compare their bodies to others (along with many other things….) and I need to work on that myself.

    I like your post. It’s a bit on the edgy side – along the lines of politics or religion or the other forbidden topics. I was nervous to put the number down but what it is but a number….I’m a good person and gosh darn it people like me.

    Love your Blog!!!!!
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    • says

      I, too, have trouble eating when I am stressed. After 9/11, I was a wreck and now when I see those photos of me, I am grossed out by how unhealthy I looked. Why was no one force-feeding me?

      Thank you for sharing your story. We all have one, and it sounds like a lot of us have one that includes trying to protect our kids from our own problems. Let them get their own.

  43. says

    Kim, I love this, you and your honestly. I love your appreciation of where your body is most comfortable in union with where your healthy body needs to, medically, be. I am 5’2 and currently 137 pounds after 4 healthy, beautiful babies. I am, admittedly, 10 – 15 pounds over a weight where my body FEELS healthy, but, I am happy where I am right now. I am drinking wine, eating cheese, always saying yes to cake at birthday parties and showing my 3 girls that you can be sexy without being perfect and my 1 boy that there is SO much more to a woman than the way she looks. My name is Bethany, I am not perfect and feel perfectly great about it. Thank you for this, Kim!
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  44. says

    I never cease to amaze the people at the DMV. Every five years when I go in, and they casually suggest that my weight has stayed the same, I correct them and give them the right number. And sometimes it’s not pretty.

    Today I weigh 166.0 pounds. I’m 5’5″ tall.

    I’m thankful to be healthy and happy, and that’s more important than a number on a scale. But it’s taken me most of my 47 years to figure that out.

  45. says

    Thank you for this. I shared it on Twitter (and FB too) because it’s awesome and needs to be said. I actually don’t know what I weigh (like someone else said, having an actual number makes me crazy), but right now I’m a stretchy 12 and I’m 5’3. Am I happy with it? Nope. Am I working to change it? Yep. For health reasons (I’m Type 1 diabetic), I need to be smaller. I want to live to see my daughter graduate from high school, college, whatever she does. And I need to be healthy like her parents (I relinquished my daughter to an open adoption) are. I will never ever be 110-120 lbs. But if I’m healthy, I really don’t give a rat’s ass what I weigh.
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  46. says

    I really, really love this post. I wish I could not worry about it and have all the hang ups I have but I have to be honest. The only “good” thing I can say is, I judge myself harshly but am able to see the beauty in others. Women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, you are so right – we need to accept and love ourselves and especially be a living example of that for our children. I was looking at a magazine today at a picture of Kim Kardashian in a tight dress, she looked beyond amazing and sexy and feminine – all those curves! I’m not a fan of hers but I love seeing pictures of her in magazine because she is not model skinny and shows that you don’t have to be and can still be seen as beautiful. I will never be between 110 – 125lbs. I weigh 130 now, my thinnest as an adult was 128lbs but that was in my early 20′s. The numbers are B.S. – if you are healthy and happy, that’s what matters. Thank you for this wonderful post!
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    • says

      I must agree, as annoying as the Kardashians are to me (ALL OF THEM), at least we are being exposed to more shapes. The family has tall & petite & curvy & matchstick & everything in between. And all of them look great.
      PS: I love the Sookie books, too!

  47. says

    What a great post!!

    I have had eating problems when I was younger, binged and starved, exercised like crazy, ever diet imagined…you name it.

    I am older now ..my kids are grown and I have 2 grandsons…I am my happiest and feel the best, when I am under 130. I am 5’4″. Last summer I was 140 right now I am 129. I am trying to walk everyday and not worry so much about the scale but, it is a VERY hard habit to break and not put so much importance in a number.:(

  48. Jeri says

    As of Sunday I am 154lbs. In mid April I decided it was time to get back in shape after spending the last 8 1/2 yrs clinically obese. In April I was 200lbs and a size 20. I am now a size 10/12. My closet ranges from a size 00 to 20. A decade ago I would have been mortified to be a 10/12 and now I’m ecstatic. I still have about 25lbs or so before my stomach doesn’t look like a separate appendage of my body, but at the moment I would be happy if I didn’t hear my ass slapping as I workout. My scale’s name is fickle bitch and I’m slowly learning not to give her so much power….

  49. Holli says

    I’m between 320 and 330 right now. I’m 5’9″ and 28 years old. We are working on completely overhauling our diet and life. The scale is slowly moving down. Slowly. But I feel so much better right now physically and emotionally than I have in 10 years. I’m happy with me, inside and out. I accept my body as it is and show that to my girls. There is always room to improve and we’re climbing that mountain. The changes we are making are focused on feeling better and being healthier not the number on the scale. That number doesn’t matter. Feeling good, being active and being able to be a good mother are my focus.

  50. Peasy's Mom says

    I weigh 184lbs, which is 6lbs more than I weighed when I got pregnant with my 4-month-old. It is, unfortunately, 25lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant with my 5-year-old. I guess my ideal (or at least my target) weight would be in the 165-175 range; I am 5’8″. Mostly, I don’t want to have to buy another wardrobe in size 16. I’d be ok if my size 14s fit well at this point.

  51. says

    I’m Brenna and I weighed 167.5 when I weighed last week. I am 5’11″. Honestly, I want to weigh 165 but fuck it, it was Birthday Week!

    Excellent post, and while I do love myself more having lost over 20 lbs. almost 2 years ago, and that has helped me project a better self image to my daughter, I’m not-so-secretly happy she seems to have inherited her father’s slim physique rather than my always-plump body type. And if there is a God, she won’t also have inherited the huge boobs his family was also blessed with.
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  52. Amy R says

    Hi girls! I love the posting goin on here. I have really struggled with my self image. Even when I was seventeen I wasn’t happy with my body. What I would give to have that flat tummy and long skinny legs back!!! But, three babies later, I’m a little squishy. I am tall 5’9″ and have been sticking pretty close to 190lbs since my last baby. It is hard not to talk badly to myself. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so my kids see my sadness and they are confused. Why is mommy sad? Life is great!!!! My kids are teaching me a lot about what is important in life, and being a size 8 again aint it!!!
    A Smile can melt away a million pounds so
    Shine Mommas!!

  53. says

    This is awesome. I’ve always been petite (5″2) and was thin most of my life. Then I moved to a city where it was more of a “driving culture” as opposed to the walking culture where I’m from. I put on a fair bit of weight, and I didn’t feel good about myself. Not only was I unhappy with how I looked, I didn’t feel healthy, and I didn’t feel like I was respecting my body. Then I got pregnant, and after my daughter was born I had a tough time losing the weight. I was eating unhealthy food because I had no time to cook, and I was stuffing my face for energy because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. Once my daughter started to sleep through the night, I finally had the energy to make an effort to live a more healthy lifestyle. When I started introducing her to solid food, I became more focused on health because I want to raise her to be a healthy eater, and I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I admit that I obsess about my weight for vanity reasons, but I don’t plan to ever talk about how I “feel fat” or whatever in front of my daughter, because I want her to have a healthy body image. My name is Laura and I weigh 111 pounds.
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  54. AJ says

    Currently I’m 145. I have lost and gained the same 5 lbs. since my youngest was born 8 1/2 years ago. I like where I am, though I should lose a bit for health reasons. I do want to be able to dance at that 8 1/2-year-old’s wedding, after all. :)

  55. says

    Kim, thank you for your honesty. And you are 1,000% right (yes, 1,000) when you say “And it’s never the right number.” It never is. I promise you that.

    Right now I’m on the good side, the healthy side. I have to tell myself each day that that’s a good thing. I have to convince myself that I look fine. That I don’t need to lose weight. That I *shouldn’t* lose weight. I have to force myself to look at pictures from four years ago to remind myself what too little looks like. I have to throw logic and reason and hardball arguments at my head and still I don’t believe the truth in front of me.

    Because it’s never good enough.

    It isn’t now.

    It wasn’t when the number was a bad number, a bad number that blurred out all else but that still didn’t make the cut. When the numbers dipped way below the safe zone. Even then, it wasn’t good enough.

    Numbers are a funny thing. I don’t think I’m at the point where I can say “I’m good with where I am.” I don’t know that I ever will be. But I do know that every day I will get up and get dressed and try to silence the fight between my body and my mind.

    And maybe that’s all I need; because it’s not the actual destination that matters after all, but the journey.
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  56. Devan says

    Woah! Love this….am I supposed to type a number now? I will live the rest of my life trying not to be a slave to the scale. I don’t care about the number, but I know what the number is when I feel the best. And NO, I dont talk about fat/skinny to my two daughters. I talk about being healthy, and we exercise without thinking about it. It just is.
    So, I stepped on the scale yesterday for the first time in months, as my brain hollered ENOUGH! I am 5’8″ and it read 188. I figured that cause my ‘dont-go-over’ weight is 180. At my wedding I was 140 but I don’t ever expect to be there again. I’d be extatic with 160, maybe 155 to give me some room to drink on weekends.
    I am 38 MWF, 2 littles, happily married. I am happy with myself, as are my hubby and kids, I just know that I am much happier 30 pounds less. I WILL get there, but I will not obsses doing it.
    Thank you for this!! How liberating and in-perspective this puts it all. Awesome!!!! Devan

  57. says

    I couldn’t agree more! It’s so easy for us, especially women, to get caught up in the “right weight” debate, and to put ourselves down by comparing ourselves to celebrities. I don’t have kids, but think it’s super important to raise our daughters (and sons) to love themselves and be healthy, but not worry about weight.

    My name is Melissa, and today I weigh 142 lbs.

  58. says

    My number is 130, and I never ever discuss weight around my daughters in the hopes that they will avoid the body image issues that plague a lot of young girls. I’m proud of the body I have because it gave birth to three amazing children, and I hope that I can impart to them that health is more important than what size they are.
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  59. Lori says

    I’m a size 14, sometimes a 16. Right now I’m pushing really close to 200 lbs. In the last year and a half I have ran, yes ran, two half marathons!!!! I eat better and am healthier now in my 40′s than I ever was in my 20′s and 30′s. Im not worried about the number, or anyone knowing what it is!!!

  60. says

    I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. Thus, I don’t own a scale and never will. I admit that when I go in for my yearly check-ups I nearly cry each time I’m asked to stand on that scale.

    So in May when I was last weighed..I weighed 122 pounds. Much healthier than the 86 I weighed in 1986 when I was 17.

    Am I happy with that weight? I don’t know.
    xo
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  61. says

    Hi, I’m Leslie, and I weigh 134 pounds today. That’s probably pretty healthy for my height (5’7″), so I shouldn’t complain, but I sure wish more of that weight were due to muscle instead of muffintop. Not enough to exercise, mind you, but enough to bitch about it.

    Love this post, Kim. Thanks for being so brave and awesome.
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  62. says

    My name is Stephanie. I’m larger than your average female because I’m 6ft 2. So I’ve ALWAYS weighed more than my friends… I’ve ALWAYS struggled with why all the “cute clothes” seems to be made for thin people. Am I the only one that’s ever noticed “plus size” (I hate that word by the way) clothes are ugly? It doesn’t really help anyone’s self esteem to not only be bigger, but have to dress “uglier” than everyone. There are “specialty” stores that have somewhat cuter clothing, but the prices are outrageous! In any event, I don’t think I’ve ever been happy with myself. No matter how thin I am, I’ll NEVER be below a size 14, or I’ll look like I’m anorexic. I currently wear a size 18 and today I weigh….
    260 lbs.

  63. Jessica says

    Hi, my name is Jessica and after 3 miscarriages, 3 babies, and several abdominal surgeries over the past 6 1/2 years, I am okay being 175 lbs. Once we’re officially done having kids I’ll shoot for 165, but, in the meantime I’m healthy and working on my strength instead of my size/weight.

    Thanks for this post. Teaching our children to love themselves unconditionally seems to be glossed over in the light of weight/size issues.

  64. says

    The scale reads 197.2! Have I lost weight? Yup I have. But the reason I am thrilled is because I am sharing it that number. I am learning to love ME and leave behind the societal ideals. You are so right on with this post. Who gets to determine what is beautiful for society as a whole? How do you get that job?

    I am me … in all of my funkiness and I love me for it.

    Thanks!

  65. Cindy says

    I weigh 362 lbs. No excuses, no comments about how i want to lose, should lose, need to lose.

    I like food, i like soda, i like chips. My cholestrol is fine, i am not diabetic, the only thing my doctor says is that i am anemic.. I have low iron.

    I have good days when i am fine with my weight, i have bad days when it gets to me. My husband and my children love me for who i am.

  66. A says

    I just have to put this out there, because I think its great that you DON’T discuss your own body image hang-ups in front of your kids.

    I have struggled with being over-weight and poor self image my whole life. My mother, aunt, and grandmother all have poor body images, and every conversation revolves around weight, who is dieting, how much has been lost, and how much they need to lose. I was put on my first diet when I was in middle school, through a Weight Watchers program called “Shape Down for Kids” and it has been all down hill from there. I have been told since I was 10-12 that I am “too big for my age” and that I really shouldn’t eat that piece of cake that everyone else is having. My family all has poor eating habits, and my mother’s idea of dinner was fast food 5 out of 7 nights a week.
    As a result of having poor role models, and poor self image I am now 22 years old, 5 foot 3, and 8 months pregnant with my second child. I weigh in at 285lbs. Before this pregnancy, I was 275; before my first I was 215, and when I gave birth to my first I was 260. My goal weight is to be 140-150, but I have a LOT of work to do.
    I am trying to set a good example for my kids, we eat (mostly) healthy dinners, we eat at the table, we do NOT use electronics or other devices at the dinner table, and we go outside for at least an hour a day. I would really like to be a healthy weight. I am lucky enough to not have any health problems other than my weight.

    Thank you for this post. I feel a little better by not hiding that number anymore.

  67. says

    Right now I weigh 145. 10 pound heavier than I was 9 months ago. I am also 52 years old and my crazy hormones and body are having a hard time adjusting to the “change”. I am healthiest and feeling my best between 125 and 130, which I was 5 years ago. A huge (and I mean huge, which I WON’T share) stress event occurred and I gained. Without increasing or changing my eating habits. Yep you read that right. I’m getting back to the gym now that the smoke from wildfires is finally clearing away and I can breath again.

    As for my 10 year old kid? Well, she is overweight and has horrible eating habits I am trying to gently correct without making her feel or think the word “fat”. Her problem is her cousins (nasty little b’s) who tell her she’s fat. She is definitely a stress eater and I want her to focus on other ways to cope with that.
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  68. says

    Man, Kim. You are so full of strength and awesomeness.

    I weigh something like 128 lbs. I’d love to weigh 110 again. I doubt it’s going to happen. I am teetering on the edge of a not-great BMI so I am trying to lose weight and exercise. But I’m also teetering on age 38 and weight doesn’t come off like it used to.

    Honestly? I’d be happy if I could sit down and not have blubs of fat hanging over my jeans. And no muffintop when standing. I’m working on it…

  69. says

    PS – I also never talk about this weight stuff in front my kids.

    PPS – I worry and feel guilty about every piece of food I put in my mouth. And I’m working on that, too. I hate feeling guilty about everything I eat. I know it’s stupid. But I beat myself up and worry about everything I eat. It sucks!

  70. Caryn says

    I’m 187. I actually do like myself less because I weigh this. I get asked regularly if I am pregnant, since evidently most of this weight is on my abdomen. My kids love me, but remind me from time to time that I “have a fat tummy”. I remind them that it’s not nice to point that out to people and carry on. I wonder though if they think this is something to aspire to because occasionally, they will push their bellies out and ask if I think they are fat, or talk about eating more so that they can be fatter. I’m trying to make exercise part of my routine, but it’s tough. Keep on trying I guess.

    • says

      It’s all about routine. When I get into habits – whether good or bad – it’s easy. It’s just about making them more good than bad, and checking in on myself to make sure my habits are keeping me in a healthy place.

  71. Iris says

    5’0″ and 110. I’ve been as low as 90 and still had issues with certain body parts after pregnancy. Looking back at pictures of me at that weight, I was waaay to thin. I’m coming to terms with my size – I’m healthy and athletic. I’ve got strong muscular legs and butt – and hardly any chest at all – and it’s hard to find things that fit.

    So – even when you’re looking at someone and thinking, “I wish I could look like that,” there’s a really good chance they have their own issues with how they look. They might want to be taller, have smaller thighs, a less prominent booty, etc. :)

  72. says

    I have been called skinny my whole life. “What are you anorexic?, How the HELL do you stay so skinny?, I hate you., Go eat something.,” are all things I’ve heard. And it gets old. I just have a petite frame. I eat. But I was a competitive long distance runner for years. I ran a lot. I now am a daily runner, but not as many miles. Then I’ve had some pretty serious health issues over the years. After my surgery this summer, I went down in weight. I got on the scale at my post-op surgery visit and didn’t hit the hundred mark. I was pissed. I was working to gain it back. The surgery took its toll. The nurse looked at the number and said sarcastically, under her breath, “Must be nice.” And I sobbed, right there, in front of her, embarrassed, standing in that God damn scale. I wanted to say something snarky back, but I was too tired. I was a week out of major surgery that put me in menopause at 34. I was tired, full of stitches, in too much pain to really eat anything substantial, and trying to learn my new hormone balance. So, fuck you nurse lady!

    Anyways,

    Kim. Thanks for letting me write that out. For giving me a safe place. I’m now 106 and have worked my ass off to get there. My goal is 110.

    • says

      That nurse absolutely should have known better.
      It makes my blood boil to see how my skinny friends are treated by jealous women. BOIL.
      I think you look beautiful.
      It was great to finally meet you in person!
      Thanks for sharing all of this. People need to hear it.

  73. says

    I am naturally thin, and am not healthy. I am 118lbs. I need to take care of my health (ie. go to the gym) for my overall and cardiovascular health, not my weight.

    I was chastised by friends, family and medical ‘professionals’ for my weight. I was looked down upon by classmates, coworkers and teachers. My own doctor asked me why I didn’t keep any of the ‘baby weight’ on after my two pregnancies.

    When my daughter began to gain weight as she began puberty, she was embarrassed because she was comparing her body type to mine (she was using me as the ideal ‘model’ of a woman), it’s taken time and reassurance that she’s healthy and a different build and that it’s totally okay that she doesn’t look like me.

  74. Ally says

    Age..43
    Height..5’7″
    Weight..170

    Totally beautiful
    Shamelessly funny
    Dangerously loyal
    Loved
    Loving
    Would no more consider weight an issue than I would what socks to wear. Raising two beautiful, healthy daughters who have never had a scale in the house. Never will.

  75. jen says

    awesome post, and so timely! I live and die by the scale. it can change my whole day and mood (i know, sad). my scale is currently packed in a box many miles from here, on its way to my new home. i am nervous and suspect i might scream. hopefully i won’t stress eat because of it (what happened to those brownies i made?)! why do we beat ourselves up over a stupid f***ing number? life is too short! our daughters deserve mothers who love themselves as much as they love their children.
    well, i hope this is liberating or cathartic…i am 5’2” and weigh at least 130 lbs. we’ll see what that scale will say when he arrives next week. maybe i’ll give it the finger and tell it to stay in the box!
    thanks kim-you rock!

  76. says

    I weigh 143.2 at the moment. I step on the scale (after going to bathroom) first thing every morning. Embarrassed to admit how much of my mood starting the day is tied to what the scale says. This has become a huge issue for me because with all this peri-menopause stuff my body has started — weight won’t come off and my shape is changing. I’m not happy but I’m trying to make peace with it. I’m healthy – thank God, and I workout regularly. A few years ago, I laugh about my midlife triathlon crisis. Unfortunately that is the body that I have in my mind as perfect. I have no desire to exercise that amount anymore, but I feel I fail a bit every morning that my body doesn’t look that good. Looking through pictures for school project yesterday, we came across a photo of me at the top of my training and my 10yo daughter said, “Were you anorexic? To which my husband replied, “Thank you.” He’s tired of my unrealistic body expectations. So hopefully, my mind and emotions will follow my husband’s and daughter’s before too long. Thanks for the post and all the comments. Makes me realize this is a silent battle (body image) most woman are waging.
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  77. Virginia says

    In my adult life, my lowest (which was a healthy, normal-looking size) was 136. I am now 205, and I have gone down to 195 and back up about 10 times. I look at pictures of myself at about 155, when I thought I was too heavy, and wish I could get there again (not only because I looked better, but I felt so much better.) I try not to get hung up on the fact that, if I can get back to 155, (a) that will require losing 25% of my current weight (!), and (b) that will still be 20 pounds heavier than my “best ever”. Right now, if I can get to 190 and have it stick, I’ll celebrate that and THEN decide what’s next.

    • says

      I always look at Big Goals in Small Goal increments. I bet you’d get to a healthier place if you didn’t make direct eye contact with the big picture. ;) Just took one healthy habit at a time. Next thing you know, you’ll be writing back to me saying “I did it!”

  78. says

    I currently weigh about 114. I was a professional dancer. I teach dance. Clad in lycra, I practically live inside a full length mirror I am all muscle. Still, in dance world, for someone who is barely 5’3″ this is average – not really small. I have struggled with eating disorders/body dysmorphic issues my entire life. I am constantly pinching this or that and looking at bones, muscles and bulges. I have a mom pooch because of my diastasis – the separation of my abs. I finally have lost the baby weight and still want to lose five more pounds. What stops me is that I don’t have the energy to focus on this now that I am 40 with two kids. Still when I see the mom who is my size or smaller, I go into a tailspin. It’s no way to live.

    May my daughter never think this way about herself. Of course this is an uphill battle with how we women are bombarded with the body supposed to syndrome.

    Great post and thanks for the catharsis.

  79. says

    I am 5’3″ and 140 lbs as of a few weeks ago. I’ve been pregnant three times and two of those children are Earthside. I have no desire to lose any weight nor do I try to. I had a baby a year ago and I DO try to move/dance in order to strengthen my ab muscles because they separated terribly and hurt my back. I love my body and my curves. I’m not 100% sure what the “ideal” weight is for my height, but I don’t truly care right now. I’ve never dieted. I’ve never worked to lose weight. I’m currently breastfeeding, so I’m not limiting my food intake. I know the difference between eating a lot of unhealthy junk and processed foods and nourishing my body in the way that it needs (and, yes, that includes a slice of cheesecake or two…mmmm). I don’t have a number where I want to hover. For me, weight and health is about way more than the number, though I realistically know I can’t weigh 210 lbs and be healthy for me. I weighed 98 lbs in High School. I was healthy back then, but I have no clue HOW in the world I weighed so little at the same height.

    I just had to buy new clothes because of the post partum body shrink and my recent increase of belly dancing. I didn’t even know my pants size after my daughter was born last year because I wore the same maternity jeans post partum all the time. When warmer weather hit, I wore dresses most of the time. I just went shopping last week and it turns out I am a 5 as far as Kohl’s goes.

    Want to hear something about sizes? I was 98lbs in high school and I wore size 9 and size 7 jeans. Now that I weigh 140 lbs I wear a size 5. Interesting, isn’t it? There has obviously been a big change in the way we have been sizing clothes in the past decade.

    Wow, I just never shut up. Haha. This is a fantabulous post. I’m going to share it on my Facebook page.
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  80. says

    Holy CRAP you got a TON of comments on this post! This is great!

    I’m 5’4″ and I weigh 142.8 as of this morning. My goal weight is a muscular 132. I don’t talk about that specific number in front of my kids, but I DO talk about exercising and eating right, that being overweight can be bad for your health, and that being a healthy weight makes it easier to run and be active.

    We shouldn’t obsess about our weight, no… but we shouldn’t turn a blind eye to health matters either.

    Really great post.
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  81. h.wuerfele says

    Unfortunately I have no children to account for my weight. Am I overweight? Hell yes! Am I comfortable in my body? No! But i’m working on it. At 5’6 and 262.8 and 24 years old. My body has been through miscarriage after miscarriage. I’m working on my health. If that means not losing a damn pound them so be it. But I will be healthy and no one is holding me back!!!

  82. says

    I can’t share my number… because I don’t own a scale. Nor have I ever, which tells you all you need to know about how useful I think that number is. I can tell you, however, that if I got down to 120 people would ask me if I was sick, based on past experience at higher weights than that. I’d guess about 130? But who knows. It’s all about how you feel, right?
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  83. says

    Great post! I’m at 131 which is a lifetime high (20 months post baby and trying for another – so not exactly motivated to lose). It’s not ideal but it’s not the end of the world. I feel very strongly about not talking about weight in front of my daughter (esp where we live in Los Angeles, where every girl is an eating disorder waiting to happen), and I blogged about it:

    http://www.carriagebeforemarriage.com/2012/02/06/banishing-the-f-word/
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  84. Kim Carrasco says

    My name is Kim. After 4 kids, I’m 5’8″ and I weigh 128 lbs. I try to base my weight on health. I know what I should weigh as a nutrition student, & I focus on eating healthy & getting plenty of exercise. I also try to instill these thoughts into my kids. All of them. Son & daughters. They do not hear me say “I’m fat.” Or, “I need to lose weight.” They may however hear me say, “I’m feeling sluggish. Must be eating too many foods that my body doesn’t like.” Or even, “I used to be able to……. I need to work that back into my exercises.” The focus is always on a HEALTHY body, not a number on the scale or a clothing size.

  85. says

    I really love the honesty in all the comments above. I love the women saying they don’t want to loose anything as much as the women who aren’t exactly where they want to be and might never be. Thanks for starting this Kim!

    At 5’5″ I’ve been between 120 and 170. I now sit at 145 and am working to be between 135 and 140 because my husband is very athletic and healthy and I want to look as good for him as he looks for me. (He absolutely LOVES the way I look and that comes from ME not from him at all!!!) I’m using Weight Watchers and I think I will be able to meet my goal.

    Weight is probably talked about in this house more than it should be because my oldest is underweight and refuses to eat to exercise control in our house. She has been talked to about needing to gain weight (healthy weight, not junk food weight) and she knows I’m in WW so some of the comments from her are “Mom, I’ll share my cookie with you so you won’t use as many points.” She’s coming from a sweet considerate place, but I don’t love that she knows weight is an issue for me. That is also a big reason I love WW because I can make the same food for everyone which helps downplay that Mom is dieting.
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  86. Amy says

    My youngest daughter is 10 weeks old. Right now, at 5’7″ I weigh 143. I don’t love it, but I don’t dwell on it either. I’d rather get some sleep. I know that when I am sleeping and running again I will get back to my average, which is about 130. I’m just a little annoyed right now because none of my fall clothes fit and since I got laid off in June we don’t really have the money for me to buy a whole new fall/ winter wardrobe.

  87. says

    I am 43. I am 5’7″. I weigh 220. Yep. 220. I make no aologies. For health reasons I am working on losing some weight but I am never ever going to be the 123 I was before I had FIVE kids. My husband loves me, my family loves me, my friends love me. And amazingly, despite society and their bull, I love myself. FAT is a swear word in my house and no one uses it. All of my kids save one are thin. And the one that isn’t is beautiful anyway. Let yourself be judged by who you are on the inside instead of the size you wear on your heiney. And judge others in the same light YOU want to be judged in. Good for you for being REAL. I applaud you.

  88. says

    This is awesome. I just turned 35 & am not thrilled with my weight. I’d love to lose 10-15 pounds. I’m 5’10 and weigh around 170. I’ve gained weight this year due to family stuff but have averaged around 165 the last several years. I have mixed feelings about my weight because on the one hand, I like my curves but I was probably too skinny in high school (naturally) and can’t stop thinking about being a size 6.

    I try never to talk about my weight issues around my son because I don’t want him to think a woman needs to be a certain size in order to be beautiful.

  89. Michaela says

    I would love to weigh 158 pounds, but I don’t think its going to happen anytime soon. Right now I am 5’7 and weigh between 210-220 pounds (depending on how stressful life is at the moment). I know that sounds horrible in black and white, but when I tell anyone that they tend to argue with me that I am lying.

    I don’t have a huge gut, my weight is spread pretty proportional all over my body. In the last year, I have actually went a size down from working out and running and I have been asked a LOT if I have lost weight. However I also built up muscle from working out, so weight wise I’m not down where I would dream of being but I think I look good. I exercise when I can, and my job requires me to do a LOT of running around during the day. Heck, I still get hit on all the time – despite the extra weight.

    My goal would be to get back down to maybe 175, but I am not stressing out about it. I can wear skinny pants and my husband and kids love me and I am happy with myself. That is all that matters.

  90. says

    Holy comments, Batman! I think, perhaps, you’ve struck a chord. I suppose there’s not a woman in the world without some body image issues, no matter how big or small.

    I just turned 38 (how is that possible??). I weigh myself once a month or so at the gym. I’m 5’4 & I fluctuate between 117 – 122. I do not believe in dieting. I believe in a healthy lifestyle. I don’t go to the gym to drop pounds (actually, when I go frequently I usually gain a few lbs. of muscle) but to build strength and try to improve my horrid cardio.

    When I’m on my own I feel good in my skin. But (there’s alawa hubby is a whopping 5’6 and 140. So when I see myself in pics with him I feel huge. There’s no big differential between us. And honestly, that keeps me in line, even if I hadn’t been fortunate enough to be raised with good eating habits.

    Oh, and that “little guy” still battles genetic blood pressure & cholesterol issues, so I do my best to feed him well and really try to live a healthy lifestyle. I do my best to stress to our kid that we do that not because we don’t want to get fat, but because we want to live long, healthy lives.

    PS–I have friends who weight 30 lbs more than me, wear the same size, and totally rock their bods. It’s just a number.
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  91. says

    I love everyone’s stories! I hate, hate, HAAAAAATE getting on the scale at the doctor’s office, even after losing 30 pounds this winter. I purposefully wear lightweight clothing and shoes that I can easily kick off before I get on the scale. And then I act like I’m 5 and hold my ears and shut my eyes when I step on the scale. And what do they do right after that? Take your blood pressure and wonder why it’s a little high! DON’T WEIGH ME AND IT WON’T BE!

    I THINK it’s a compliment when nurses sometimes say, “You don’t look like you weigh that much.” (At least they don’t say what my son said to me when he was three and with me when I got on the scale at an ob appointment when I was very pregnant with my daughter, “You suuuuure are big, Mommy.”)

    And, now, this shows how demented I am about weight: I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer this spring and have been more than a little disappointed that it hasn’t made me lose a pound. I also had “butt surgery” this summer, and it didn’t, either! WHERE’S THE FAIRNESS IN THAT?!

    I haven’t divulged yet, have I? (Hold on while I close my eyes and hold my ears) 5’10″ and 168 on a good day.
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  92. Anne says

    LOVE this article!! Our country as a whole is so weight-obsessed. I say as long as you are healthy and happy, it shouldn’t matter what the scale says. Embrace your curves or lack thereof and rock whatever figure God gave you!

    BTW, I am 5’6″ and normally weigh about 105, but I’m 7 months pregnant at the moment, so I’m up to about 116 right now.

  93. Rhonda P says

    I lost 120 lbs (that’s right 120) 16 yrs ago. I have been overweight/fat (let’s call a spade a spade and a shovel a shovel) since I was 8 yrs old and started being bullied. I regained that 120 # PLUS some by allowing food to be my friend in my 14 yr marriage. After a recent health scare, I decided NO ONE but me was responsible for my weight gain and NO ONE but me could lose it for me. I also decided FOOD couldn’t be my friend. I began walking slowly adding longer distance, and cutting out a LOT of carbs and really focused on true hunger and not emotional eating. My starting weight this time was 310. 310 is what defensive linemen in the NFL weigh, not 41 yr old short women. Today the scale said 296#. I am up to 2.4 miles about 5 days per week now. Walking and watching my diet closely are working for me. I will never see 120 #. The smallest I have ever been as an adult was 150 # 16 yrs ago after a year long 1000 calorie a day diet. It may take years to lose enough weight to even be considered normal sized, but I WILL DO IT BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  94. Kristy says

    I also hate BMI….oh do I hate it. For my height my “doctor recommended” BMI is in a weight range that turns me into an unhealthy eater….meaning I meticulously measure, count, and worry about every calorie that crosses my lips….won’t eat out, won’t have a drink with friends….psycho food-counter.

    I managed to meet that BMI and maintain it…but my husband had to point out how nuts I was getting about what I could and could not eat. I had to stop.

    I am 155.8 today. I weigh myself every few days and if that number goes up a bit I take stock of my recent choices and make adjustments….no counting, no measuring….just being honest with myself. I play with my kids, and I do yoga when I have free-time/motivation. I walk to alot of places instead of drive.

    I am at my lowest weight since I started having children….but I’m not where I was on my wedding day (remember the unhealthy “healthy” weight)….that was it….a goal for my wedding that I made and kept…but everyone said I looked unhealthy and I felt unhealthy (in the head).

    It pisses me off when the doctor makes blanket statements…..like for my height I shouldn’t weigh more than “x”….and that is that. No. That is not that. I am more than the sum of my numbers and so is my health.

    For me…I want to stay about where I am. I can have a drink with friends, go out to lunch, have ice cream with my kids and not WORRY about how many calories it is, and do I have enough for the day, etc. To be my “ideal” weight for height…I have to be mentally unhealthy (for me) and sacrifice my lifestyle. At my current weight I have a life, I love my shape, I exhibit healthy choices to my children and I NEVER talk about what I weigh, have gained or lost in a given week. It’s my number and it only matters to me.

    • says

      All those “ideal weight range” calculators are different. I looked at one today that said my range is 139-156 (if I was to consider myself a Medium frame). If I weighed 139lbs, I’d be very ill. Weak. Unable to intake enough calories to enjoy my life. I’m fine just over the top of that range. I have great doctors who look at the whole picture, and agree with me.

  95. says

    I’m 34.5 weeks pregnant and at the highest weight of my life. Before I got pregnant I was at 112 and now I am at 161. I wasn’t happy, AT ALL, with my weight number or the way I looked before I was pregnant and now I look back at pictures and see that I was absolutely insane.

  96. Mariah says

    I’m 5’8″ and when I first met my husband in 2006 I weighed in right around 150lbs, only 10lbs heavier than my average weight throughout high school. Over the following 4 years my diabetes and depression got the better of me and before I got pregnant with my first and only child I was hovering right around 190lbs. By the end of my pregnancy even with strict dietary & blood sugar control [A1C 5.8 eff ya!] I topped the scales at 257lbs! That’s a number that I will never forget, egads was I ready to get back to my pre-baby weight or lower. I was encouraged by the 30lbs I lost in the first 2 months post baby. I know now that was just the breastfeeding fairy, so when my milk supply dried up the drop in weight slowed down right along with it. Now it’s nearly 3 years later and I’m floating right around 210lbs, some days it’s more, others less.

    My motivation to exercise & eat healthy waxes and wanes as do my cravings for chili-cheese anything which I deny satisfying 9 out of 10 times. Thanks to getting out on my bike 3 times a week I’ve been slimming down and it helps with my depression as well. I have managed to lose a total of 6 inches between my gut, thighs, and bust over the past 3 months; because muscle weighs more than fat it seems like I’m not losing any weight and that is frustrating. I just have to remind myself before I get on the scale that it’s just a number and what really matters is that I love myself enough to take care of myself so I can stick around for my daughter.

  97. Rebecca says

    I’m 39, 5’4″ and weigh 141. My ideal weight would be 130. I lost 14 pounds earlier this year with the C25K, but I’m stuck on the last 10 pounds. I LOVE food. My hubby is a fantastic cook and sometimes that doesn’t help. Carbs go directly to my ass. Thankfully my hubby is an ‘Ass Man’. ;P I have had body issues since my freshman 15 in college over 20 years ago…. Thank you for this post.

  98. M says

    Sorry, you can try and spin it any way you want, but the fact is fat is fat. You can live in denial and call it beautiful and say how happy you are, but the fact is that being overweight is a serious health issue that most people possess the power to avoid. The media has long been accused of pushing an unhealthy ideal of thinness, yet in your own way you are seeking to subvert the realities of obesity by trying to convince yourself and others that we should instead accept being fat as a superior alternative. Telling kids that it is okay to be fat is doing them an equally harmful disservice as is instructing them that they should pursue an image that could only be attained by starving themselves. And here’s the deal, there are far more people out in the world today who are obese than there are who are too thin. So despite your “woe is we the persecuted fat of the world” party line, you are actually helping to perpetuate an unhealthy image that affects infinitely more people than the one that you are decrying. Obesity is the single largest health issue facing the United States today, and yet, you seemingly wish to promote an atmosphere allowing people to think it is okay to be fat? Well I for one do not beleive it is okay. For most people, staying in shape is a simple matter of combining self-control with activity and common sense. All of you who are whining about how you will never again weigh what you did when you were in your twenties apparently missed the memo explaining that as you age your metabolism slows down. Furthermore, as you have grown up and out, your eating habits have quite obviously not evolved at all. Yes, most kids like to eat lots of shitty food. As you grow up, you are supposed to reach a point where as adults, you are able to recognize that many products being sold as food actually contain little if any nutritional value, and furthermore, that continuing to eat them will make you fat. Yet, those of you saying “I weighed this in my 20s and this in my 30s, etc.” does it not occur to you that as your metabolisms slow down with age, you need to make adjustments. Sure, most of us could eat anything when we were young, but now that we aren’t anymore, it is time to face reality. Sure reality can come in the form chaning nothing except our bulging waistlines on the march towards obesity, or you can adjust your life accordingly and maintain a suitable healthy weight. Walk away from the totally unnecesary sugary drinks. Instead of bitching about the injustice of no longer being able to eat an entire buffet, say to yourself, “Fast food is crap!” You want another piece of cake, go for a run and then eat a half slice. Take some personal responsibility for your health rather than continually blaming conspiracies for all your own shortcomings. For all the complaints about the media promoting an image that is too skinny, the reality is that there is far more being done right now with vanity sizing and media blitzes about the new “beautiful” etc. to promote an equally unhealthy lifestyle on the opposite end of the spectrum that is affecting an alarming number of people in society, and the difference here is that it is no longer just about women, by trying to maintain that fat is beautiful and okay, you can be guilty of selling potentially deadly habits to both your sons and daughters. And this is something you want poeple to be proud of?

    • says

      Just to clarify, I am not saying at all that I think it is ideal to be obese. The likelihood of being able to remain healthy enough for a vital, long life while being obese is very slim.

      What I am saying is that I wish people were more comfortable owning up to their weight and not be ashamed to say it. Not worry what others will say. Not cringe because they know they will be judged, one way or another.

      I have known too many overweight people who are so ashamed of their number that they refuse to say it, cut the sizes out of their clothes so no one else can guess it, then curl up into themselves to dull the pain with more food which makes them weigh even more. Which makes them even less healthy. Which makes them even more embarrassed. I wish they could say “I weigh XYZ and know how I got here. I don’t want to be here, but I’m not going to let you make me feel like shit while I deal with the hard process of getting to a healthier place.”

      I want people to stop being so damn mean to other people over what scales say.
      I want people to stop being so damn mean to themselves over what their scales say.

      I honestly believe that the less people obsess over an ideal, the less they worry one way or another about their size and more about their health, the less power we give to food and drink in our lives, the better off we’ll all be.

      If I could magically make everyone a weight that keeps them healthy, guarantees a long life, and fits their lifestyle, then erase from their brains all the stupidity that the media their mothers their mean peers have been spewing in their ears, I would. Whether that means a tight lean body of a triathlete or a plump, curvy strong physique of a foodie, it doesn’t matter.

      I am in no way saying morbidly obese is the way to go.
      I am in no way saying malnourished skinny is the way to go.

      I’m saying that letting go of the fear of a number should be first priority.
      Next should be figuring out where a healthy range for you is.
      Then finding a way to balance your lifestyle so your head, your heart and your body can find the happy place we all deserve.

      Weight is a ridiculous thing to let take over our lives in a negative way. It should just be the thing that gravity pulls against as we go about our lives, enjoying it to the fullest that we can.

      • Sarah Cassill says

        Amen! Not only does moving the focus away from weight and toward health help those of us struggling with obesity, but also our sisters who are fighting anorexia or struggling with bulimia. (And there are more than a few of us who have struggled with more than one of these problems!)

    • Jessica says

      Obviously you missed the point of this post entirely. There have been countless times that people have told me how great I look after having 3 kids (I eat *mostly* healthy and workout hard 5-6 days a week) and then immediately ask me how much I weigh now. Why the f*&k does it matter? It’s a number. It doesn’t define me, or magically make me healthier or less healthy than someone with a different number. I am 5’10″, 175 lbs., and a size 10, and I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life, no matter what the BMI, or people like you, say I *should* weigh in at.

      • says

        That’s another thing that bugs me: why the “you look good for having kids” thing. What, I should look like hell once I’m a mom? Yeah, everyone kind of looks like hell the first 6 months due to sleep deprivation and all that, but we should be allowed to look good without it being a shock to society.

    • says

      Here’s the thing you’re missing.
      It’s posts like yours, that make those who are struggling, struggle more.

      I’m not okay being “fat” … but I am okay being me. I am okay being a size 14 instead of a size 8 or 10 .. because unlike what you’ve assumed here, I do realize that my metabolism has slowed. I do realize I have genetics, and other medical issues that are against me as well.

      I am also okay with other people being okay with themselves. If being supportive to one another is a “party line” … I’ll be first in line.
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  99. Liz says

    You know, I think I look fine, but I weight more than people in my family and most of my friends, so I get a lot of tips on how to lose weight. Maybe I need new friends? I’m 5-7, and weigh about 179 lbs. It’s more than when I married, but less than a few years ago. When I work out, it’s for mental/spiritual fitness. The rest can go hang.

  100. says

    Thank you for writing this post. (found it through Jen at PIWTPITT) I have been struggling with losing weight ever since my second daughter was born, and now I weigh what I weighed when I was full term with my first daughter (190). So I feel like this sucks, and I know that I have a horrible self esteem about it, but I don’t want to have my girls feel like this about themselves. so I need to step it up for their sakes. My number that I would like to be below is 150. I think that 135 is would more ideal, but under 150 would be just fine with me.
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  101. Dorothy says

    Okay, here goes I weigh 230 lbs, and that’s down from 238. This is more than I weighed just before delivering my second child. For the past few years, I have gained weight and had no explanation. In fact, when I asked my doctor, he told me I was less active than I ‘imagined.’ I had almost convinced myself I was living in an imaginary world when my father (a very active doctor) said he couldn’t understand why I had gained almost 100 pounds at my level of activity and wondered if my thyroid was working properly. So, changed doctors (woman this time) and found that I wasn’t crazy after all but that I have a pituitary adenoma that has not only impacted my pituitary but also my thyroid. I’m now on medication and dealing with weight-related health concerns. A big ‘thanks for nothing’ to the first doctor and ‘thanks for giving me my life back’ to the second. It will probably take at least as long to lose as it took to gain, but I’m not crazy, not imagining things and have hope. I’d love to see my weight around 160 (I rocked a bikini at that weight!) but would love more simply to regain my lost health.

  102. Michelle says

    I will say that I weight 282 lbs. I am not proud of this number but I won’t hide it either. I am a GOOD person, with a HUGE heart and I recently realized if I want to be able to “dazzle” the loves of my life longer I need to get in shape. I am currently working with Spark People and have met so many great people to help me on my journey. I love my life but I want babies. At 33, my doctors are telling me to lose or adopt. I am doing my journey for me, my amazing husband (he is the only doctor who hasnt told me I am too big) and for our future babies!!

    • Sarah Cassill says

      I did it backwards from you!

      I was on my way to being a triple feature (morbily obese/crazy cat lady/hoarded apartment) when I found myself unexpectedly (and blessedly pregnant!) Totally changed the course of my life. I had a healthy happy pregnancy at 340+ pounds. My son is healthy and happy. And there are not words to tell you how HEALING a successful pregnancy and breastfeeding experience can be. Now that my head is on straight I’m doing wieght loss surgery in a couple of weeks. NOT so I can get some magic number on the scale, but so I can MOVE and be ACTIVE and do things with my little boy.

      Sorry for the rambling, but my point is, do NOT let the doctors scare you into not having kids now– back in the dark ages when I was married and TRYING to have babies nothing happened for 2 years and then I had 3 miscarriages in less than a year. Almosy 10 years and a 100+ pounds later I had a healthy pregnancy.

      So EMBRACE your life and live it! As healthily as you can, but live it NOW, don’t wait!

      One site I found VERY helpful when I was pregnant was http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/

  103. says

    Yea, the whole weight thing really hit me after my 5th c-section. Heaviest I’ve ever been, at 5 ft 1 I was close to 150. It’s been 7 years but I have felt the best after juicing (just breakfast) for the last year and a half. And I’m down to 120. I can live with that. Never going to be a super model and I do have my belly poo
    ch to deal with but overall ok with things.

  104. Jennay says

    My name is Jenn. I am 5′ 9″ and I weigh 178.8. In 2006, I weighed 336. I am not ashamed of my number. I LOVE THIS POST.

  105. Anonymous says

    Great post. i am 5′ 185lbs, curvy with ample boobs and butt. I am ‘lucky’ to have dense fat lol. Would like to drop 20 for a flatter tummy though.

  106. Jessica says

    Not sure why we get so nuts about the number. Im learning I’m a food addict and its not something you can hide, like a shoe fettish or watching honey boo boo. lol. if I announced my weight at thanksgiving dinner I don’t think anyone would be too shocked. I mean they see what I look like. You know it’s not 110 lbs. so what?

  107. NotSoNice says

    My name is Tara
    Today I weigh 193!

    It is 20-30lbs more than necessary on my 5’7 frame but it is a work in progress. In the past 6 weeks I have lost 10lbs and will keep working towards losing inches and pounds. Weigh is a battle because of health issues but I refuse to allow myself to cross that scary 200 mark again.

  108. Emily says

    As of this morning, I weigh 130 and I’m 5’6″. This is up 20 pounds from the past 4 years when I struggled to maintain weight after three tremendous losses (grief makes me lose weight, I guess). Being that skinny made me feel scared and worried about the looks I was getting from my family and strangers (ironically, I didn’t feel this way when I was 220 and 9 months pregnant). So often, we let our weight define us and it simply has NOTHING to do with who we really are. The thinnest I’ve ever been (104) was the worst time in my life and the heaviest (165-unpregnant) time in my life is when I met the love of my life. Happiness in your heart is the true test of how good your life is, not a number on a scale.

  109. Elspeth says

    I don’t understand weights in pounds I weigh 14 stone (UK) however that translates. The so-called ‘ideal’ weight for my height and age is apparently 9 stone, I wish I weighed 10. Why? Partly because I *feel* fat, partly because being this size means I’m physically awkward: I can’t reach to cut my toenails etc, partly because I live in a house with a lot of stairs which I struggle with. My elder daughter weighs 7 stone, I’m effectively carrying half an adult daughter up the stairs with me every time I climb them and I’d like to put her down!

  110. LMC says

    I’m 5′ and weigh about 105, however, it’s not distributed how I’d like it to be. I’m working on making it more of a lean 105, than soft 105. I just turned 38 and have noticed over the last few months that although my weight hasn’t changed much, it’s shifting to my belly. Maybe my metabolism slowing down? Oh, and please don’t bag on me because I may weigh less than you and am not currently totally happy. I don’t think it’s fair that because I weigh less than 120 I’m not allowed to complain about it.

    • says

      I’ll protect you, LMC. I have too many thin friends who I see get attacked for being thin. People say the nastiest things, lose out on the chance to truly connect with these wonderful women, because they are jealous of their numbers. It’s ridiculous.

  111. Catcjc says

    Wow – this discussion brought up a lot of emotions for me! I weigh approximately 275 pounds. I’m 5’10″ and wear a size 24. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have a beautiful 9 year old son but I am not his biological mom so I don’t have any pregnancy related body changes. I have a LOT of “issues” around my weight and am doing everything in my power not to pass them on to my son! All the women in my family are big and they all struggle with body image. I married a jerk (now blessedly my ex) who made me weigh in every day, exercise every night while he watched, monitored everything I ate, etc. Lots of mental abuse around my weight. My current partner loves me just like I am and supports me completely. I would like to be down to about 165 for health and self-esteem reasons but just can’t get my head in the right space to do it right now. My hope for all of us is that we learn to love ourselves exactly as we are and only feel a need to change ourselves because we want to do it for us – and I hope our children never have to deal with the body image issues with which many of us struggle!

  112. Cat says

    Soooo….239 comments and only ONE was negative? Clearly that jackhole didn’t actually read your post. Absolutely, no one should go around being emaciated or obese. But a healthy number for one person vs another of the same height is naturally going to be different. How hard was it to miss that conclusion from what you wrote? Once again, we are dealing with a cyber bully who thinks it’s OK to berate a person because they aren’t suggesting that everyone should be a fitness freak. Why can’t I have fast food once in a while? Why can’t I eat a WHOLE piece of cheese cake if I want? I have two little boys (4 and 2) and they keep me hopping. I would LOVE to be able to go to the gym, but who is going to watch my kids? Hell, who is going to pay for the gym membership? Oh, I should go out and take a walk? Really? Have you tried to go on a power walk with a 2 and 4 YO in tow? Let me know how that works for ya, Judgie McJudgerson. Until they are in school and old enough for me to leave alone for a little while, that just isn’t going to happen. And I don’t even eat all that much, but should I go hungry? Should I force myself to eat vegetables that literally make me gag? Way to make a person get a complex over food. You socked it right to that jerk. Thank you for a WONDERFUL post that is realistic, uplifting, and just what people should be talking about. Let’s learn to LOVE OURSELVES and the rest will fall into place. Where ever that place is supposed to be.

    BTW, I am 41, 5’3″ (If I am standing up really straight), and I think I weigh around 185. My scale can be kind. My doc’s not so much. I have a very heavy bone structure and I’m quite muscular. If I weighed 120 pounds I would probably be laying in a pine box. Once my kids are older, I may be able to whittle that number down, but as long as I can still keep up with them, as long as I can keep moving all day, as long as I am healthy in all other aspects of my life, I’m not going to freak out about a number. It’s just a number. I am NOT a number.

    • says

      Cat, I honestly think she didn’t understand what I was saying. it also sounded like she thought I was obese/overweight and making excuses.
      I’m not, never have been, never will be. And I’m definitely not making excuses for anyone.
      I’m just trying to make womankind (in particular) a kinder place so those who have gone to an extreme can have a more supportive environment for getting mentally AND physically healthy.
      But you seem to get that. So, thank you.

  113. Samantha says

    I weighed 161.0 this morning, November 3, 2012. On July 29, 2010 I weighed 270. Eeeeeeek! I am so excited to weigh 161, I did this through hard work and limiting what I eat. AND I have a six month old baby. I would LOVE to be the magic number of 125 but if I never get there I am ok with it. I wear a size 13 and am happy with that. I lost the weight to make myself healthier and happier.

  114. Jenn says

    So I liked this blog. I found it through another blog and am kinda late to the party! I will share my real number with you. I weigh 314 lbs. I am morbidly obese and the strange thing is, is I don’t feel all that bad about it. I have always had weight issues and no I am not a super over eater. I exercise semi-regularly, eat a mostly healthy diet, and follow all of my doctors helpful suggestions. I am not depressed and am actually very happy with myself and my life. I have been happily married for nearly 10 years, and have 2 beautiful children. I don’t really dwell on my weight. For health reasons I am considering Gastric Bypass after trying many other doctor supervised weight loss programs. I am only considering this surgery because I want to remain healthy. So far I do not have any obesity related issues, I know however that I probably will in the future and I want to be healthy for myself and my children. I do want to stress that I have never felt badly about my weight, I have been over 200 lbs since high school and I am now in my 30′s. I have always felt beautiful, confident, and have had high self esteem. My ideal weight as proscribed by my doctor is 160, I am 5’9.

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