Earlier this week I was sipping my latte, checking Facebook on my phone, and shushing my two kids who audibly moan while eating petite vanilla scones, when an 8-months-pregnant vision walked in with her mom and son. The contrast between her loveliness at that stage of pregnancy and what I experienced was…shocking. Other than being humans on this planet, we have nothing in common.
Differences Between Me While Pregnant & the Pregnant Lady at Starbucks:
1. If I had worn a thong during pregnancy, my body would have assumed I was trying to take in even more food, and eaten it.
2. She looked relaxed. I was too busy complaining about hemorrhoids to relax.
3. Her skin glowed. My bacne blocked all potential glowing.
4. She looked sunny in a yellow dress. I was mistaken for the actual sun. Or a giant walking lemon.
5. Her designer handbag hung on a perfectly toned arm. My arm was wider than her designer handbag.
6. She had nary a lump beneath her thin cotton dress, other than the obvious three. I looked like a garbage bag full of doorknobs.
Before I had kids, I knew that I had a lot to learn. Like: Never ever wear yellow when pregnant and tipping the scales at OH MY GOD GET OFF THE SCALE!!! Today my kids are 5 ½ & 7 years old, and I can appreciate the lessons I’ve learned over the years. I feel absolutely no jealousy towards that lovely lady at Starbucks, and can laugh at how lemon-like I appeared in comparison to her while pregnant with my son (I still don’t wear yellow).
I didn’t just learn about fashion choices. I learned how not to take the tough times too seriously, how to swaddle & shhh a screaming baby so she falls fast asleep, and how no sound in the next room means someone is obviously playing with permanent markers.
I feel smarter, more observant, more creative than I was as a childless newlywed.
Recently I accidentally poured something really gross all over myself and was reminded: I still have a lot to learn.
Now CLICK HERE to head on over to the InThePowderRoom to read my tale of a doctor’s appointent gone very…moist. And tell me if you’ve had a similar experience (with or without extraneous DNA sample, of course), do share!
I hope to see you over there & promise to reply to every comment. As always.