Ice Cream Trucks were such a treat for me until I realized:
- Those guys never wash their hands. Ever.
- My kids can hear their music from 17 miles away.
- It costs $5 for an icey treat that would cost me 12 cents in the grocery store.
I have no problem with treating
myself my kids to an ice pop every now and again on a hot summer afternoon, despite the fact that we have a freezer full of the exact same ones sitting in our garage.
The problem is that the ice cream trucks pass our home blasting that wretched music a minimum of three times a day, every day. Usually approximately 8 minutes before a meal is being served.
Just saying “No, not today” was getting boring, so I’ve taken to more creative ways of deterring my kids from seeking icy cold shuttupery from the creepy ice cream man.
If you, too, loathe the telltale tinkling tunes of your local ice cream truck and are getting sick of saying the same thing over and over again, you have my permission to use any of the following replies to your children’s cries of:
“MOM! I hear the ice cream truuuuuuuck!”
1. That’s the musical Homework Truck. Would you prefer staying inside to do your homework or going to the pool?
2. That guy doesn’t sell ice cream. He’s giving away brussel sprouts.
3. That’s the rectal suppository truck. Trust me, you do NOT want one of those.
4. Oh, that thing? It’s a music truck, not an ice cream truck. I don’t know why they make them look exactly the same. So strange.
5. They don’t accept money, they only accept bags of toys as payment. “Rocket Pop $4” means you need to give him four bags of your favorite toys for one pop. Does that seem fair to you?
6. They only play that song when it’s our neighborhood’s time to nap.
7. That van is filled with the angry clowns that haunt your dreams.
8. If you get a job and brush your teeth more often, you can have all the ice cream you want. Until then? Tough luck, buttercup.