I thought I’d have the summer off from organized sports.
It seems I simply can’t escape them, no matter how hard I try.
How Being a Parent is Like Being a Referee
1. The uniform is universally unflattering.
2. There are always (ALWAYS) Time Outs.
3. Every decision gets replayed and judged by others over and over again.
4. If someone kicks the wrong ball, you have no choice but to show your red card and throw him from the game.
5. You can’t take your eyes off the team for a second, or someone’s getting a hockey stick to the head.
6. The players think you’re either completely fair or a total idiot, which changes on a call-by-call basis.
7. You’re supposed to always appear calm and reasonable, even when your blood pressure makes that vein in your forehead bulge out like an errant thumb.
8. Sometimes the only way to get everyone’s attention is to blow a whistle.
9. You need to always be one step ahead, or your ass is going down.