Friday night was my friend’s birthday, so a bunch of us went out for dinner, drinks and some dancing.
It was a typical night that began with baked ziti at The Birthday Girl’s house and ended with us watching a Flashdance-dressed transvestite shaking his/her thang to a mash up of Bon Jovi & MC Hammer at a local total dive club.
She looked exactly like this. Only with no sleeves, bigger boobs, and a penis.
At the midway point, people were showing up to the outdoor restaurant we stopped in, to join our group. Not everyone at the table knew one other, so another friend (in red, who was braless & kept flashing me) was making a point to do the rounds as new people arrived.
This is essentially how it went:
BRALESS FRIEND IN RED: This is my Mom Friend, Kim.
ME: What The Fug? “MOM Friend”? Now all she can see are my episiotomy scars and stretch marks. Thanks, bitch.
BFIR: WHAAAAAHHHT?? You’re my friend and a mom! You don’t LIKE that? [crinkles nose adorably & innocently]
ME: Duh. NO. Pick something else. That has nothing to do with my uterus.
BFIR: Like what? [hands on hips, cocks head]
ME: How about, This is my friend, Kim.
PERSON SHE’S INTRODUCING TO ME [who was at first leaning in to shake my hand, and now is leaning away from me]: Hi…uhhh…Kim…?
BFIR: But she’ll have questions for me, like how did we meet and where and how long have we known each other and stuff like that.
ME: [to my BFIR] Answer questions on a Need To Know Basis. Don’t start with childbirth. Start with my name. [to PSIMT] Hi, nice to meet you. Sorry we’re talking about my uterus.
At this point, the person she’s introducing me to has snuck away and situated herself on the polar opposite side of the table as me & my Braless Friend in Red.
Even by the end of the night, I could not convince my Braless Friend in Red that it wasn’t cool being introduced right off the bat as Mom First, Kim Second.
Maybe it’s because she somehow manages to be even sexier now than she was pre-kids. I don’t know. (I hate her I’m happy for her, but don’t dwell on that) I’m guessing that if people introduce her as their “Mom Friend”, the new person looks at her and declares “Impossible! She appears completely untainted by Motherhood!”
I’m not quite as lucky as she is. I wear “Mom” on my (wide, faded Target) sleeve. When I’m away from the kids, I’d like the other parts of me to shine. Like my…ummm…err….anything but my uterus.
This is not a difficult request.
I simply do not want my uterus to shine when I’m out with my friends, meeting new people.
I want me to shine, instead.
The next time you are out and want to introduce a friend of yours, even if you met through your kids because you are both mothers, I BEG of you to introduce your friend only as Her Name of Great Awesomeness.
If the fact that she starts yawning by 8:45pm doesn’t give her away, the Mom Jeans she was wearing when she stepped out of the gold minivan she drove there in might just do the trick.
So throw the poor girl (me) a bone and don’t point out the obvious. Please. Just give the girl a chance to make her own good first impression.
At least until the new acquaintance looks down and sees the Mom Jeans.
Amen. I wish I could step out and not have complete strangers know I was a parent. Or not know that at first sight (they all seem to anyway). I have a big problem with people who don’t see me as a person. And let’s face it, if they see me as a Mom, they often miss the ‘person’ part. I want to be seen as a WRITER damn it. I’d love to be introduced as “This is my writer friend, Jessie”. I’m lucky enough not to have a BFIR like you (that’s going to be my new code word for Frenemy now), but I still know that feeling.
Jester Queen recently posted..Inviting water
Ooooh yes! That would be a nice introduction. Brain first, THEN uterus.
bbahhhaabbahh!!I think giving context during an introduction is appropriate….’childhood friend’……’we work together friend’……’we went to college togehter friend’…….As I have grown up, I’ve picked up friends in each stage of my life….I even have a best friends called…….’honeymoon friends’. I cherish each grouping. It is a represetnation of each of my stages. My mom friends, are a bond of women, that help me make sense of motherhood and life as a mom. I cherish your friendship and I am still proud to say you are my mom friend! smooches! PS – You totally look amazing and have the best dance moves, better than jagger! xoxoxoxo
Aw, see? You’re too damn cute. And you compliment my Elaine Benes moves.
I agree. Even though your uterus has done marvelous things, you should definitely be introduced before it. You take top billing.
Sanstrousers recently posted..Crazy, But That’s How It Goes
Yes! Billing. I’m just asking for me to have top billing.
I haven’t had that experience but have had the “high school” friend intro…as if to point out that I was cool enough for her in hs but clearly she wouldn’t be my friend now…..
Robbie recently posted..SOC: Challenged
Hmmm…see, I see “high school friend” as making a point that you have a long history together, not that you aren’t cool enough now to hang with. History is nice.
Unless the person is being a snooty beyotch and did it deliberately.
You know, I was so happy when I finally traded in my minivan for an SUV. Before I’d see a guy looking at me and I was like, “he’s totally checking me out,” until I remembered that I was driving a minivan and he was probably looking at me because he thought I was some dumb mom driver. But NOW that I drive an SUV and I don’t have “mom” written all over me, I choose to assume that any guy who looks at me is checking me out. Maybe I’m delusional, but who cares. I don’t need to advertise my mom-ness everywhere I go.
Next time you and I are out together, I’ll introduce you as my “sexy, yes-she’s-a-real-blonde friend, Kim”. Cool?
Steph at The Healthy Mom recently posted..Intelligent vs. Emotionally Intelligent
I’m TOTALLY holding you to that!
I guess I’m one of the lucky ones, I don’t seem to scream ‘mom’ outside of situations where people ask me directly, or I’m out with my kids. I’m sure not owning a minivan [or any vehicle, for that matter!] probably helps LOL That and being young and looking even younger. But I concur that if I was introduced as a mom friend, it would get on my nerves something fierce, we may be moms but that’s not ALL we are!
Hi! Even I agree with you, We are just not Moms…!
Molly Groman recently posted..I no longer have the stamina for all nighters!
I feel like I am so much more than a mom, and I want people to see me as something individual and interesting first…not imagine me wiping asses and being unable to have conversations over all the noise around me.
When people introduce me as “my Mom- friend, Brenda” or “my church-friend, Brenda” or some other variation, it make me feel like they see me as ONLY belonging in that group, sorta like a limited friendship. If, on the other hand, they introduce me as their friend Brenda, THEN go on to explain that we met at our “pole dancing for prenatal health class”, I’m good w/that.
Yep. Me first, then the pole-dancing details second. Totally agree.
I’m thinking “at least she was out!” There is that. That’s un-mom-like, right there!
Naps Happen recently posted..Guest Napper #103 – Stubborn, but Snoozing
True, true…I’ll give you that. I WAS out and (kind of) clean.
I love being a Mom, but really, but that is only one part of me. So, if I am going to be introduced as a ‘mom’, they better add all the other facets of my life, too…and that would be just plain obnoxious. Best to just stick with my name and let the rest fill in itself!! Funny post!
Paula @lkg4sweetspot recently posted..It’s All Spicoli’s Fault
Or at least start with something that’s just about me, then mention I’m a part of your group of friends with kids…or some clever take on that.
I told my wife that I hope she doesn’t ever buy mom jeans. So she started wearing a Mumu everywhere. You win, honey.
neal recently posted..On navel gazing (and failing at art)
Mumus are quite airy, and if she stands in front of a light source you can see right through them. So…you kinda win, too.
I hadn’t thought about that. I need to go buy some more lamps.
neal recently posted..Our 2-year-old’s first nightmare
I’m here to help. You’re welcome.
It’s a little weird to introduce you that way; uterus should definitely come later in the conversation.
Annabelle recently posted..Morning Person! Whee!
And definitely leave the fallopian tube talk to meeting number two. That would just make things VERY awkward.
So, correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re saying … what? That you have an identity beyond the actions of your uterus? That your basic personhood was not expelled along with a placenta? I don’t get it.
Kathy V. recently posted..Part 3: End Times
Shocking! I know!
Can I introduce you as Kim, my extremely vertically proficient, blond, funny, writer friend? Usually, I just refer to you as my friend who blogs and lives in a certain geographical area the locals know.
Also, I’m guessing you went to The Colorado Cafe? That or there are more Flashdance-dressed trannies in the area than I need to know about.
Now you need to move closer to me so we can go out and I can get introduced like this on a regular basis.
Also: There are always more Flashdance-dressed trannies that you’ll ever know about.
Am dying over the idea of not wanting your uterus to do the shining! This will long stick with me! And yes, I so get this–wanting to have an identity before the Mom Jeans claim center-stage. Go you for getting out!
Meredith recently posted..Parenting/Parents Magazines: The Monday Review
I must go out or I lose my mind. Um…lose my mind more than I already have.
We are being sold a ridiculous idea: parenting is completely fulfilling. Yeah, right. Parenting is one part of my life and I hope I’m good at it but, damn, I would hate for it to be my only identifying characteristic.
But I have to admit my stretch-marked flabby stomach kind of likes mom jeans.
Kelly O’Sullivan recently posted..You Show Me Your Mapplethorpe And I’ll Show You Mine
I’m tall, so Mom Jeans do have that extra height I need…as long as it’s business up top but party on the bottom, no one will be the wiser.
Shouldn’t it be like a job interview, where it’s illegal to bring up your reproductive/breeding status? Then once you get past the nitty-gritty if you like this person and sealed the deal, then mention–oh yeah, btw I have a kid. Or use it as a fall back of “if I don’t like this person” you can start telling annoying mom stories that will make them run away? What’s the point of HIPPA if you can’t use it everywhere?!?!
Knocked Up in Bama recently posted..Still Alive, Sitll Knocked Up
YES IT SHOULD. Totally against the law. Absolutely.
You need to come back again soon.
OH, Kim. Please know that if I ever had the pleasure of introducing you, I’d say something like: “This is Kim. You can call her Captain Amazing.” Deal?
Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments recently posted..Hello? Is it Keys You’re Looking For?
DEAL.
“Mom friend” is never acceptable. Love the bit about the gold minivan.
One Funny Motha recently posted..A Week of Linsanity
Agreed. And the smattering of car seats in there didn’t help, either.