1. Holy shizzballs, that dude with the jacked up teeth and 2 first names can DANCE.
2. In a closed theater full of perimenopausal women, you can actually smell the aroma of hormone replacement therapy creams after about 15 minutes.
3. This is the very best part of the male anatomy EVER:
4. BJ jokes are always, always funny.
5. Seeing someone begin a BJ on a 20 foot movie screen while sitting near a woman who looks like your grandmother is actually kind of awkward.
6. Ken dolls are the least sexy thing ever. Matt Bomer dressed like a Ken doll can make a theater full of women rip off their panties and toss them at the screen.
7. Don’t do drugs. Or sell them. Or store them in your thong while working a gig.
8. Even seeing Matthew McConaughey in nothing but a leather string at his physical peak doesn’t do it for me. I can’t stop thinking that he likely smells of patchouli and bad decisions.
9. Handsome, tanned, sweaty, muscular men dancing for me are okay in my book.