1. Holy shizzballs, that dude with the jacked up teeth and 2 first names can DANCE.
Tanning Chatum? Tatum Channing? Chandler Bing? Ahhh! Who cares. Just take your pants off and start dancing, bitch.
2. In a closed theater full of perimenopausal women, you can actually smell the aroma of hormone replacement therapy creams after about 15 minutes.
3. This is the very best part of the male anatomy EVER:
And most women I surveyed tonight agreed. It was all very scientific.
4. BJ jokes are always, always funny.
5. Seeing someone begin a BJ on a 20 foot movie screen while sitting near a woman who looks like your grandmother is actually kind of awkward.
6. Ken dolls are the least sexy thing ever. Matt Bomer dressed like a Ken doll can make a theater full of women rip off their panties and toss them at the screen.
I could so easily make a very naughty limerick about Matt Bomer’s name right now, but I will take the high road. For once. (Please be impressed)
7. Don’t do drugs. Or sell them. Or store them in your thong while working a gig.
8. Even seeing Matthew McConaughey in nothing but a leather string at his physical peak doesn’t do it for me. I can’t stop thinking that he likely smells of patchouli and bad decisions.
9. Handsome, tanned, sweaty, muscular men dancing for me are okay in my book.
(Ignore the guy all the way to the right. And stop looking at my boyfriend next to him.)
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So you’re saying it was good?
It wasn’t good. It was deeeeelicious.
“I can’t stop thinking that he likely smells of patchouli and bad decisions.” = awesome
the movie opens with a beej? really?
you should read what i wrote for sprocket ink: http://sprocketink.com/magic-mike-the-nuclear-weapon-in-the-war-on-dads/
The beej is mixed in there. It starts with something BETTER.
Loved your article.
Oh man that pic of Alcide. Oh man. I remember they episode where he so deliberately took his time taking off his pants, it was like waiting an eternity thinking we were gonna get full frontal. Holy shit what a tease.
I’ve been hot for Alcide Herveaux since I first read his name. Then I saw him, and blacked out from joy.
Yes, yes indeed. He is the only reason I want to watch the movie.
Yum.
Well thanks a lot. Given the fact that No. 7 was pretty much the only thing I had on my to-do list for the weekend, now I’m screwed.
Sorry to ruin your plans…but someone’s gotta keep you in line.
In case the scientifically conducted survey for #3 is still going on, I concur wholeheartedly! And i’m sure you’re absolutely right about matthew mcconnawhateva.
I’m always open for additional scientific data. Because I’m concerned about accuracy.
In that case, add my data…. You’re 100%, completely and totally, without a doubt correct.
I appreciate the input.
Me too! Definitely the best spot, followed closely by the upper back/shoulders. Mmmm.
Oooooh yeaaaahhh…
I can’t stand McCounaghey (sp?) either. What’s wrong with me? Everyone loves him and I just think, “ewww.” Bomer is just a little too pretty, but good eye candy. I take one look at Tatum and wonder if he has even one brain cell. This post made me laugh!
Bomer is beautiful. I want to touch his face. Joe M makes me want to touch other things.
Ha ha haaaaaa. Loved every word. Awesome.
Thanks!
Awesome! This will tide me over until I can get a babysitter and convince my man that straight guys totally want to see this movie.
There were 2 guys in a sold-out theater. Just go with girlfriends. 😉
You know, I was completely unaware of Magic Mike until I saw another blog review. Now, I’m all, “Sounds like a twist on The Full Monty”.
Trust me: these gentlemen are a bit more fun to watch than the guys in Full Monty.
Yep, the knobby, hipbone area is ah-mazing!
Ah. MAZING.
Well, I feel like I don’t even need to see it now after your in-depth review complete with scientific data collection! This review had it all. Especially the picture of the best part of the male anatomy. Thank. You. For. That.
You still should go. Really. REALLY.
Sounds like a definite must see but hey, check out Step Up (the first one) to see more of the hunky guys moves -he can most definitely dance!!
I rented it, and liked it more than I thought I would. Man, he can dance. Wowzers.
Until this moment I had no desire to see this movie. Now I have to get a MIL-sitter so I can go.
Go. NOW.
Oh I will see this movie. Love that part of the man’s body. Not a fan of Matthew but tatum looks good.
Tatum was all-around better than I thought he’d be. Nice.
“I can’t stop thinking that he likely smells of patchouli and bad decisions.” Best description of that guy, ever! (No way I can spell his name right, I know it.) This movie was totally off my radar until a few days ago, now I’m kinda dying to see it. No need for a sitter here, my hubby wouldn’t go even if I paid him in bjs (ahem!). Thanks for an awesome review!
I read about it in an interview months ago, and was surprised that it was actually good. I figured the naked dudes would be yum, but it was funny, too.
Once I get past #3, I’ll leave a comment. For now, all I can say is that it’s too bad you can’t Scratch n’Sniff pics on your screen…..
Omg, you are a dirty, dirty girl. I love it.
So which character gets a BJ in the movie? Hope it’s nice and up close!:-)
I’m not telling! Go see it.
#8 made me choke on my water. Just so you know.
Sorry! I shall add a disclaimer next time that no beverages should be consumed while reading.
I’m not a fan of McConaughey either. I was all about Tatum and that guy from True Blood.
The pink elephant thong cracked me up.
OMG, the elephant was awesome!
I totally agree on that part of anatomy, though when I see it on women it freaks me out (I’m looking at you, Pink. But kudos on your kick ass tone.)
Agreed. Hot on men. Creepy on women.
Haaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwt on men….
How on hell have I missed that ALCIDE is in this G-rated porno? I’m going ASAP.
And, woman, because I’m reading backwards, congrats on your incredibly well-deserved success.
And, woman, friends don’t let friend’s kick their cat.
Alcide in almost nothing. Just the way he was meant to be.
Meow.
Okay, b/c of you, I am now dying to see this movie. A freakin’ hot summer between this and 5o Shades. And seriously, how could I not have a crush on Channing Tatum? Pass the drool bucket please…
*passes bucket*
A real date movie, then?
The husbands stayed home, freshly showered and awaiting their lusty women. As they should…
Well, then I Need to be friends with you all. I am so sick of my friends’ husbands following them EVERYWHERE!!
Oh, yeah. My friends & I ditch our husbands almost every time so they can watch the kids while we go dancing, dinner, movies, shop, whatever. Come on by, any time!
Really?
If you’re lying to me, I’ll have to post about it.
And will it make me blush?
If it makes me blush, then it went straight to my natural woman.
It will make you blush in a very, very good way.
Okay – I’m totally going to go see it now!
You were one of the most clicked link at last week’s #findingthefunny! We’re featuring you tomorrow, and I’m pinning this. Thanks for linking up!
i said it the second the movie ended…this movie will single-handedly save marriages and not end them – because it for women, not men. say whatever you want about my sexism – but there wasn’t a single woman i left the theater with that wasn’t planning on making the feeling last. 😉
anna, i have another one for you:
10. forget picturing the time in college when you hooked up with that guy to ginuwine’s “pony”, you have a new mental picture now that is much much much better. (she types, as she begins to sweat nervously, and then presses play one more time before her husband gets home.)
Sitting near an old stranger during that movie would be awkward! And I agree about that anatomy bidness.
Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny last week!
Now, my naughty friends from the ‘hood were in front of me and across the wise. I could hear THEM hooting & hollering. But the old ladies? Not so much.
I wasn’t going to see this movie in the theater, but now I am texting my friends to see if I can find a partner in crime to escape this afternoon because of your review. ANDbecause of Alcide. Don’t worry, I’ll remember to grab extra napkins to handle the drool.
I expect a full report once you get back!
Hilarious! I am now a follower!
Thanks! Though, I must confess that unfortunately I don’t have pictures of almost-naked hot dudes in every post. My apologies.
I think it’s weird that I’m leaving a comment since I haven’t seen this movie and this post is old, but it made me snort so hard something came out of my nose, so I felt I should tell you I liked it.
I much apprecaite the information. Anytime I make someone blow something out her nose, I love hearing about it.
The eye candy alone in this movie is enough to see it – who cares about a story with that many sexy men making those moves?? YUMMY!!
There was a story???
I saw this with my mother in law, it was hilarious! I was never really into abs but after that movie… and OMG Joe Man-jello! I can honestly say if I ever met him in real life I would giggle awkwardly and stare at his chest like a creeper.
I laughed almost the whole movie. And swooned when Joe had no shirt on. And ate candy. Good times…
Your restraint was admirable. But should you weaken and compose that limerick, send me a message, mmmkay?
I could watch this movie every day and still drool over Matthew and Channing. If I could have both of them in a room alone, naked… Mmmm mmmm mmmm!