This video both infuriates and scares the shit out of me.
It is 10 minutes of a 69-year-old bus monitor being bullied, cursed at, threatened, mocked, poked and insulted by a group of preteen kids. Read all about it in the NPR article that featured this video and an interview with the monitor after the incident.
I saw this on a friend’s personal Facebook page this morning, and it has been bothering me all day.
Really, really bothering me.
This comes on the heels of something a 7yo boy said to my husband at a soccer game this past weekend.
My husband was on the field, volunteering to help out as the season winds down, and was guiding a group of First Grade boys to become better soccer players.
The ball was headed towards to opponent’s goal, and the boys were just standing around.
Husband said, in an encouraging way, “Guys, c’mon and go get the ball, let’s bring it in!”
A 7yo boy huffed, looked him straight in the eye, and replied “It’s NOT the end of the WORLD. It’s JUST a SOCCER game.” Then crossed him arms and stood there like a lump.
Now, you may argue that the first incident is much worse than the latter.
But I think the latter is what can – quite possibly – lead to the first.
Since when did it become acceptable for kids to talk to adults this way?
When I was a kid, I would have been kicked into next Tuesday if I ever spoke to an adult like that boy did to my husband.
It also needs to be said that it never, ever would have even crossed my mind to talk fresh to a senior citizen, never mind suggest shitting and ejaculating in her mouth, as these kids did. Disgusting! Mind boggling!
I don’t get all riled up over much, but I am huge on respect.
Instead of getting on a soapbox and shouting about how frustrated I am about this, I’m just going to ask you all something:
Please, please put respect on top of the list of things you instill in your kids.
Don’t let them talk back to you.
Don’t let them disregard the guidance of their well-intentioned soccer coach.
Don’t let them either bully a bus monitor or sit idly by as others do so.
Be prepared to ruin their lives if they do disrespect another person, and not let them experience joy again until they can prove trustworthy again. Prove they understand how to treat others.
Make sure what you expect of them is clear, and don’t be afraid to punish them when they disappoint you, when they are a disappointment to their own potential.
They will fall, they will make mistakes, they will give in to peer pressure (everyone does), but they deserve to know what it feels like to face consequences.
They deserve to experience being humbled, experience learning lessons.
They deserve to know that it feels bad to be an asshole, and how great it feels to be a respectful, considerate, compassionate, kind human being.
Beautifully said.
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Thank you.
I couldn’t believe it either, Kim.
On The Today Show, Donny D. was so angry that he let a big goddamn fly on live tv. The entire country is outraged by these kids and their level of disrespect for this woman.
Pint size sociopaths scare the crap out me. They grow up to be big ones.
Fantastic post.
I had no idea this was all over the news (I didn’t have the tv or radio on yesterday). I’m glad it was. I’m glad it is getting attention. I hope the nation is disgusted with this, and decides to do something positive about it.
Amen. I could not watch more than 60 secs without be so disgusted that I turned it off. How shameful. I don’t need to raise a valedictorian or the captain of the some team, but there is no way in hell I will raise a punk.
Exactly. As long as my kids are kind, respectful, decent human being, I don’t care how they dress or what they do. Just be GOOD, dammit.
http://kindnessgirl.com/
I like the kindness girls approach…
I hope the parents are good and embarrassed over this, then maybe they will do something about it.
Kim K
If it was my kid, I would feel humiliated, like a failure. I would take all joy out of my kid’s life until he/she realized how very, very wrong it was to treat someone like that. I would look at myself to see what I was doing wrong. I would make sure my kid made some sort of amends.
It isn’t hard at all to be kind. I just don’t understand why more people choose not to be.
I could only watch a minute or so of the video. My teenage daughter made me aware of this. Ms Klein classy reaction says a lot. She’s not pressing charges or demanding disciplinary action. Sometimes old schoo, behavior is the best way. I have a hard time calling 13 year olds evil or socipathic. Their parents are the problem. I never said anything but yes ma’am and no sirto adults when I was 13.
Your soccer coach? I didn’t find the 7 year old’s remark dispectful. Kids today do not like yelling, at all. They don’t find it motivational, especially in a youth soccer game.
good post
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It wasn’t an option to be anything but respectful to my elders. It was Mr/Mrs LastName, or Sir/Ma’am. When the kid first reaches out to poke her, I think my brain broke. I simply couldn’t believe it.
My husband was actually the coach that day (sorry if that wasn’t clear), and he was encouraging the boys to play their positions. The kid didn’t want to. He just wanted to stand there and wait for the ball to come to him, rather than go get the ball. Not be part of the team. It was the body language, the attitude of his tone (which I wish I could properly explain) that got me. My husband was shocked. As an athlete, he always listened to his coaches. I did, too. That’s the whole point of coaches!
I do think the kid’s comment to your husband was not okay. A coach’s job is to teach the kids to play and encourage them. I’ve seen coaches yelling at kids and saying things like, “What’s wrong with you? Is that the best you have? Why are you so slow?” etc. Your husband was not like that. His words were positive. Also, I don’t recall you saying he was yelling – but even if he was, how are players going to hear the coach if he doesn’t yell? They’re out on the field!
My thing to parents is, if your kid doesn’t want to play, don’t have them out there. But if you insist they must play, then at least let them know it’s not okay to talk back to the coach. I would not accept my child responding to her coach in that way.
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Yep, he was coaching and this kid is actually a good player who usually wants to be on the field. So the attitude, the tone, the disrespect was totally shocking to my husband.
This is so sad. It’s elder abuse at the very least. I guarantee I wouldn’t have been able to sit down for a long time without remembering the object lesson tied to it. I’ve seen this all over the net this afternoon. People are blaming the schools, the parents or the government. It’s very simple. It takes a village to raise a child. At least that’s how it used to be. Now we can’t even discipline our own kids without having the police called on us. Schools can’t discipline kids without incurring the wrath and a lawsuit from some overly PC parent. They can’t even really defend themselves if a kid attacks them. And kids know and bank on it. It becomes the Salem Witch Trials all over again.
I can guarantee you that if I had done something wrong and a neighbor saw it, I’d catch hell from them, then my parents. And my parents would have upheld their ruling on the issue. Same goes for problems at school. After all the disciplining and butt chewing was done, I would have had to make amends. I would have had to apologize to the person and had my butt worked off. I would have been shamed in front of my peers. And that really was the worst part of the punishment, the shaming. That doesn’t happen that much anymore. Now everyone is on this ‘my child’s special and his feelings are fragile’ kick. Yes, children’s feelings are fragile. But you know what? If kids had been given rules and parameters when they were younger and had them regularly enforced, something like this might not have happened. This hands-off parenting approach has come full circle and is now biting us on the butt. Someday these kids are going to be taking care of us and, oh wait, no they won’t. They’re too caught up in themselves to bother.
I hope this summer is a living hell for those monsters on the bus. I hope Karen gets her vacation. That woman has earned it. Maybe this will call attention to all the Karens in the school system. There are many. How about we pry the kids away from their computers and cell phones this summer and send them across the street to help the little old lady weed her flower bed or make a grocery run for her? Give them a crash course in empathy.
“How about we pry the kids away from their computers and cell phones this summer and send them across the street to help the little old lady weed her flower bed or make a grocery run for her? Give them a crash course in empathy.” <– YES!!! I love this idea.
One thing I do when my kids are embarrassed/upset that they hurt someone, is say to them “You SHOULD feel bad, you SHOULD be crying and embarrassed over hurting xyz. It should NOT feel good to know you made someone else feel bad.”
I don’t do it in a mean way, but I want them to own and understand feelings. Not try to not feel bad when they hurt someone. Swim in that embarrassment a while. Feel like shit, because you made someone else feel like shit. Now earn their trust again, pay your dues, heal what you broke.
It makes me sick to think that my kids could ever be the culprit of something so awful, or watch someone else do this. Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention. I try to be strict about respect, but my kids haven’t seen anything yet!
I can’t tell you how many people have seen me follow through on my threats to my kids, and have been SO surprised by it.
I remember I had friends over and it was time for Popsicles. All the kids were sitting at the table eating them (a house rule here, and I’m assuming in every other house!) and yet my daughter kept getting up with her drippy Popsicle and going to sit on the couch. I told her one last time “If you get up and sit on the couch one more time, I toss the Popsicle in the garbage”
Guess what? She did, so into the garbage it went.
One of the Mothers stared at me wide-eyed and said “I can’t believe you actually threw her Popsicle in the garbage”.
Why wouldn’t I?
Why wouldn’t I follow through on a punishment when she disregarded & disrespected me?
It’s not like I threw HER in the garbage, just a Popsicle. But the point was made.
I have a feeling that some of those kids on that bus did not have their Popsicles thrown away enough.
We have a big problem with kids’ attitudes over here too. We used to live near a high school, and I was scared of a lot of the kids. When my son was a baby I took the dog for a walk with him in the pram and we were attacked by two pit bull dogs. There were heaps of kids heading to school at the time and a big group of them stood there watching and laughing. I even head someone shouting at the dogs to get us. Turns out the dogs had been bred for fighting, so I was damned lucky that my dog didn’t let them get near us.
Another thing. Years ago I started working as a teacher aide with special needs children. The teacher who was supervising me wanted the kids to address my by my first name, whilst teachers were addressed by title and surname. I refused because I felt it was a sign of respect. She promptly told me that I needed to earn a child’s respect first if I wanted them to respect me.
Hang on a minute – I was taught that you should start out with respect, but the actions of those people would determine whether respect was kept. If kids are being taught to think like this teacher then I can’t see it improving any time soon.
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First of all, HOLY SHIT. I’m glad you were ok when those dogs approached you! That is scary. And for the kids to egg on the pit bulls? Insane.
I totally agree with you on the starting out with respect. I give it right away, and it is yours to lose.
I don’t need to watch the video to know I agree with you. Well said, Kim.
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Thanks, JD. You may not want to watch the video, but I think if you can, you should.
It all started when they began handing out a trophy to EVERYONE. Everyone is special therefore, NO ONE is. The high school “you are not special” commencement speech said it all. People got mad, but it’s the truth.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/high-school-graduation-speaker-tells-students-not-special-145709954.html
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I loved that speech. Loved it. Especially about collecting accolades rather than actual achievements. When I lost, I tried harder next time. When I didn’t do as well as I knew I could, I figured out how to do better. I didn’t get depressed or self-loathing when I wasn’t The Best, I looked inside to see whether I did MY best or not. If I did, well that’s great. If I didn’t, I was disappointed in myself for not living up to my own potential.
I was at my sons’ field days and there were no ribbons for first place, no competition at all. I remember who was the fastest kid in our class and I knew it wasn’t me. My self-esteem survived. Why don’t kids compete any more?
I have no idea. I never minded losing. It challenged me to do better, which I’d love my kids to experience.
One of the reasons I left teaching with no reservations was outilined in your post. I taught 8th graders and eventualy 9th and 10th. I was berated, insulted and treated like a moron. My students the last year threw my family picture frames and knick nacks from my desk in the garbage when I had to leave unexpectedly to have my baby (huh- preeclampsia diagnosis. wonder how that happened). When I had meetings with the parents I could see where and why they behaved/acted/talked like they did. If the parent didn’t outright allow the child to speak to THEM that way- the parent behaved the same towards the school authority. It made me sick. The best I can do is raise my boys to be kind and respectful people. And I’m trying. I really am.
You are trying. That’s all I ask. So many simply don’t.
I know people look at my like I’m crazy that my kids have to refer to people outside of our family with Mr. and Mrs., but I’m 42 and I still call my best friend’s parents by their last names. I think it is a simple way to draw a clear line to distinguish who is a grown up and needs to be treated with a certain set of manners. The line between grown and child has become increasingly blurred by adults more concerned with being their kid’s friend than risking them being angry with them for a spell while they teach them how not to be a little shit. I for one, looked back on my parents being strict and demanding certain behavior as one of the things they did a great job with. It was a gift that has allowed me to succeed in social situations, professional situations and in my marriage. I’ll admit it is a hard thing as a parent today to feel that we are being strict enough with our kids while balancing our desire to instill them with a strong sense of self worth. Hard as it may be, this one is not hard at all. Treat people with respect or your world as you know it is over.
Yes yes yes. I don’t understand why people want to be their kid’s friend first and foremost. Kids can have loads of friends. What they need is a parent.
I didn’t read all the comments, so maybe someone said this already. i heard about this on the radio yesterday, and apparently someone started a fun for her to go on vacation. the goal was to raise $5000. as of this morning, there was close to $500,000.
This gives me hope. It really does.
This is just sickening. I would’ve had the sorest butt in the U.S. had I ever dared to act like that. Which honestly? It never would’ve crossed my mind to act that way! I was raised to Respect My Elders – a lesson which still gets used daily in my adult life.
My daughter saw this over my shoulder. She’ll be 13 in about 6 weeks. I gave her the biggest hug ever when she was completely disgusted by it and said – with her super angry expression -that those kids needed to “sit down, shut up and act better. What if someone treated their Grandma that way? She’s somebody’s Grandma, too, and probably a really nice person!”
I’d feel like such a failure if she had reacted any differently. I wonder if the parents of those kids feel like failures as parents? And I wonder if those kids will learn any kind of lesson from this fiasco. I certainly hope so.
Give your kid a hug from me, and yourself a pat on the back. Your reactions to this are exactly as they should be. Exactly.
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OMFG. I just heard about this story tonight over dinner, but I was not prepared for that video. I am viscerally disgusted. I cannot even fathom EVER talking to or about someone like that, much less stomach hearing it from the mouths of middle schoolers. I’m off to share this on FB. Your analysis is spot on – it all boils down to respect. Great post, Kim!
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It’s hard to watch the video, but I think we need to do it. I think we need to experience what it feels like to see someone hurt so deliberately like that, to understand how wrong it is, to put ourselves in action to prevent it.
It breaks my heart equally that the woman had to got through all that, and that these kids even thought for a SECOND to treat someone like that in the first place.
Thanks for sharing this.
I just spotted your post in my FB feed through someone else and I’m just in shock. I’m sure the same thing happens here in Australia but I’d be just disgusted if it were my children. I’m nearly 50 yo and still call Mum’s friends Mr and Mrs (even if they insist I call them by their first name). No way in hell would I have ever spoken to an adult like this. Yeah sure, I’d mutter something under my breath if the old biddy next door complained when we jumped the fence to get our ball back but 9 times out of 10, we’d knock on the door and ask if we could get it. We never wanted to let someone have a bad opinion of us and still don’t. Do these kids think this is cool? Definitely not cool! I’m just flabberghasted and overwhelmed that this lovely lady has had all these donations given to her. She is definitely one classy lady and well deserving of every bit of good that comes her way. Thanks for sharing!
Anne @ Domesblissity xx
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I still refer to every one of my mom’s neighbors as Mr. &. Mrs. LastName, every one of my friend’s parents, too, and I simply Respect My Elders. It isn’t even something I think about. It just IS.
I hope this awful video helps parents, families, reign this issue in.
Bravo! I couldn’t have put it better. I concur 100% I have shared this on Facebook, twitter and email. Excellently put.
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Thank you, Michelle. I really do appreciate people sharing this post. It was bothering me so much, and it is comforting to know that so many others are bothered just as much.
So, so disgusting. I watched it and got more and more furious as it went on and on. When I first heard the news story, I assumed the bus video caught it, but apparently the kids themselves shot it, proud of their behavior. I couldn’t help but wonder about all the other kids hearing this and choosing not to intervene. I know that’s hard, and I probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to when I was a kid, but getting the bystanders to stand up to the bullies is probably the most effective way to end bullying.
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I, too, wonder why I didn’t hear anyone call over ‘Hey guys, cut it out” during the taping. Maybe I missed it. Maybe it was on a different part of the video. Maybe those who wanted to say it were too scared to speak up.
I spoke up a bunch of times when I was younger, and faced the consequences. But I hated HATED bullies, for obvious reasons. And I’d rather get my ass kicked by bullies & take their attention of a weaker unsuspecting victim, than sit there saying nothing.
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I was horrified when I saw the video. Horrified and scared for Aviv. I got bullied for a brief period of time while in high school and it was extremely scarring. Thanks for addressing this…..
xoxo
Noa
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I’m sorry you got bullied. I did, too, and I always wondered what was going on with those kids to make them act like that.
I feel like it is even more prevalent now, which really concerns me.
*sigh* This makes my heart hurt. If I ever spoke to anyone – or ALLOWED someone ELSE to be spoken to – this way, I’d have had my throat torn out so that speech was no longer an option. I was in no way raised in a home where it was acceptable to call an elder of any kind by their first names, to not greet or say goodbye when someone visited, to raise my voice or taunt or name-call or ANY of the things going on this video. I can’t imagine how parents justify the way they raise their kids these days and it really really makes me sick.
My husband is a cop – he takes abuse from everyone. But with his job he’s allowed to fight back a little. He CAN defend himself. This woman should be canonized. And every kid on that bus should be strung up and spanked. Like I would have been.
I’m pregnant with my first – due in October. I have such trepidation sometimes. I worry that I’m not going to be able to handle motherhood, that I won’t have what it takes to stand up to my own child, that I won’t be strong enough to follow through. I plan to keep this video in the back of my mind for those moments when they come. My son WILL be respectful, he will be polite, he will be courteous and above all, he will be kind. Nothing less should be tolerated. And I seriously pray I can be the kind of mother my own was to me – firm but loving. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. None.
Once you have a kid, your eyes open to what’s going on with other peoples’ kids. You’ll be in experiences with people whose kids hurt other kids because their parents refuse to give Time Outs or teach boundaries or follow through on warnings/punishments. You’ll understand that it is better to make everyone miserable to teach a lesson, because it will only last a little while and then everyone will be better off in the end. Good luck!