I’ve already told you today how awesome a Dad my husband is on Facebook.
But even if my own father hadn’t died a few years ago, I am one of the many people who would not be giving my “Dad” a card, gift or phone call on Father’s Day.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what the father I had taught me. If you read my recent post about my trip to yet another aircraft carrier, you know I was surprised at a piece of good that came out of such a tumultuous childhood.
I think kids like me can learn a lot of beautiful things about themselves when put in bad situations. That sometimes very bad childhood experiences can lead to very good people. Which led me to writing this. I hope you take a moment to read it and feel proud of what you’ve done with what you had before you.
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I love it.
Guerrilla Mom recently posted..All about my father.
Thanks, Guerrilla Mom.
Thank you. This can be a difficult day for those of us whose father’s don’t fit.
I know a lot of people who have a hard time with it. Which is why I had to do this today.
Exactly. I don’t have a dad I can celebrate, but I’ve also had a lot of great people in my life to make up for it. So while I don’t celebrate my own, I celebrate all those guys who do things right. Rock on.
Abby recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Mom
Lots of people stepped up for those who don’t have dads at all, or who didn’t have the kind of dads we all deserved. Bravo to them.
Beautifully said. I can totally relate.
Kathleen recently posted..Memories of the Men Who Raised Me
Thanks, Kathleen. And I appreciate your sharing this on Facebook today.
I like the way that you kept this positive when it could have easily gotten very dark. My Dad and I have a much better relationship in adulthood than childhood. I can thank him for introducing me to horror films at age 5 (and yes, that’s sincere thanks – we share a mutual love of the genre, and I’m damned hard to freak out). But he was largely absent-though-present. He favored my sister to the point of enabling her when she became an alcoholic drug addict, meaning that he carries the burden of his own contribution to her eventual suicide. Mostly, he went upstairs and wrote music and avoided his kids. I’m trying to find a better balance between spending time with my kids and my writing than he ever found with his music. So my father’s day wishes are largely for my husband. I wish Dad a happy father’s day not for things done or not done in childhood but because we have actually formed an incredible bond as adults.
Jester Queen recently posted..To be a Daddy
Father-kid relationships can be so, so complicated. I am overwhelmed by this fact each time I see someone struggling at the Father’s Day card rack.
That is really beautiful!
Sanstrousers recently posted..The Time I Threw Salt On A Priest.
Thank you…
Thank you for presenting this angle. I had professional help letting go of a lot of things and forgiving, but this is still a day I struggle with. Your Brite was really empowering. I’ll remember your words next Father’s Day, and lots of times in between, I’m sure.
Hollow Tree Ventures recently posted..Believe It Or Not, This Counts As Praise
Thank you for saying all that. Really.
Really.
I had a great dad, but I’ve also spent a little bit of time working with incarcerated men, and I know how tough it can be to rise above your background and be the best you that you can be. A lot of those dudes in the jails were just vulnerable boys who never learned how to do a right thing because their dads never showed them that was a possibility. Anyone who rises above it is a hero, and anyone who inspires others to rise above is too. Thanks for your thoughts.
neal recently posted..This is just a tribute . . . to dads
Thanks for this perspective. Something I always had a hard time with was people saying “Oh my parents did xyz to me…and so I decided to ruin my life because of it”. I never understood how kids grew up thinking pain was okay. I always, always knew it was wrong, even though no one taught me that. I always looked at it as something to get through, and then I’d be away from it one day when i was older. Not something I should continue doing to myself, or should take out on others.
But I guess that’s just the way my brain worked, and everybody is different. I’m getting that now.
If it didn’t come across, I was saying that your message is an inspiration for others, and I feel for the hurt you may have had and yet had the strength to not let it beat you down. I DO think that may be a special characteristic, one that is in rare supply.
I wonder if you felt that you had someone besides your dad who inspired you to be strong, good, and worthy? Or did it all come from inside?
neal recently posted..In one hole, out the other
Oh, I heard you – thank you so much for checking back in to be sure. Just sharing my experience, my process, with not understanding how people can hurt themselves just because someone else hurt them. I’ve always been confused by that.
No one inspired me as a kid. I just believed causing pain was wrong, whether it was to someone else or yourself. I don’t have any adult who I can point to and say “S/He stepped in to teach me the right way”. I haws exposed to some good people, especially coaches and a few teachers, but no one took me under their wing, I didn’t have a particular relationship with anyone. But I could tell when they could tell what was up with my home life. But they showed me respect, rather than pity, and I appreciated it.
I saw your book last week on Britely and thought it was really well done. I think it’s great that you can see all the positives that came from your dad, even if you didn’t realize it at the time. Really beautifully written.
Steph at The Healthy Mom recently posted..Playing Hooky
Thanks, Steph. I made it a bit early, but wanted to share it on Father’s Day.
Thank you.
I also wanted to say that I appreciate the lawnmower on the front cover as that is how I spent Father’s Day – working on the lawnmower. While I did not have a great relationship with my dad, he did teach me a lot of useful skills – like small engine repair, how to change my own flat, and how to cook scrambled eggs perfectly. There is still a lot of hurt there, but gratitude that he gave me life skills that most girls don’t have.
Heather Bush recently posted..At Least My Feet Are Young
I wasn’t allowed to mow a lawn, because that was “not a broad’s job”. So for me, it meant that lawnmowers represented a division of the sexes, roles, but then later I could decide what to do with that role. That I could some day buy my own damn lawnmower and do whatever I wanted to.
Thanks for sharing your story.
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