My husband thinks I’ve had sex with Axl Rose.
As enticing as that concept is…
Tempting. But I'm all set, thanks.
…I know better than to give in to my (apparently) deepest desires to bump uglies with guys like Axl who “sing” for bands like Guns N Roses.
You gotta read the fine print, girls. ALWAYS read the fine print.
In fact, whenever Axl’s whiney screams start pealing from the car stereo, I automatically change the station.
I find Guns N Roses music to be grating to my eardrums & soul, and there’s something about the lead singer himself that makes me want to punch him in the face.
The first time Husband witnessed me do this, we were newly dating and he asked me why I changed the station. I told him I don’t like the music. He got all quiet and said:
I’m guessing each time you all witness someone change the radio station because they dislike a band, you assume they, too, bedded the lead singer.
It has been over 12 years since that first question/accusation, and he still holds it tight like something he knows about me that I many deny now, but will absolutely confess on my deathbed.
Mind you, had I knocked boots with AR back in the day, I’m guessing my vagina would have blackened like an overcooked sweet potato and fallen out of me by now. So far, all is in tact. Which I see as evidence of my non-groupieness.
But if Husband wants to think he’s some Super Sleuth, and believe I am so desirable that scores of men (including Rock Stars) have vied for my affections, so be it. If he has some fantasy in his head that I’ve lived a life more thrilling than Grew Up, Worked Through College, Dated a Couple Guys, Met Husband, then so be it.
Sure, I find it the total opposite of a compliment that he thinks I’d ever let Axl Rose see me in my Birthday Suit. But if it adds a little mystery to our marriage, if it makes me seem a little more exciting and alluring to my man, I’ll wear the faded black t-shirt.
But there’s no way in hell I’m listening to that crap on the radio.
Well, at least the hubs didn’t think you did the dirty deed with Slash.
Or did you?
Patty recently posted..Hannah
I’ll never tell…
Slash would be way better!
Sanstrousers recently posted..EEG, Consider Yourself Dominated.
Agreed.
I love Guns & Roses. However, I would never have slept with any of them. Having a rocker parent totally kept me from wanting to sleep with any rock stars ever.
Jester Queen recently posted..Ghost Camp
I really don’t understand how he ever got laid. Just…ew.
How random! That’s a pretty funny thing for him to latch onto.
Annabelle recently posted..Today’s Object of Desire
I know. It’s just so STUPID. There’s so many bad bands out there, and he has to cling to this one??
haha – so funny! I think you can safely say you dodged that bullet! I was kicking around the music scene in LA in those days and the diseases running around had their own support group due to overwork!
Paula @lkg4sweetspot recently posted..Believe in Your Smellf – A Hostile Takeover
His junk must be like a petri dish by now.
I always like the “Well, not him, but. . .” reply. Not that I {ahem} know anything about that or anything, {ahem} because I was never a girl that would have a fling with a guy in a band. . . Keep the mystery alive.
Kerry Ann @Vinobaby’s Voice recently posted..Frankly my dear. . . WOE & Trifecta
Mystery is alive and well, baby.
My son LOVES G’n'R. I can take them or leave them, but since my 13 month old seems to love them so much, we play them all the time now. Why he couldn’t have latched onto my love of broadway musicals is beyond me. But that’s a tangent. What I really wanted to say is that you should have that T-shirt actually made. “The Axl Was In My Vag Tour”? BRILLIANT.
Kathy V. recently posted..My Head Is All ‘Splodey Because Of The Awesome
LOL!
Love the t-shirt! And I agree, if it keeps the mystery alive, why not
Exactly. As weird as it is? I’ll take a little mystery where I can.
Hmm, I thought maybe your hubs knew something the rest of us needed to know about you.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..Guest Post: My Father, My Hero
Or he’s insane. One or the other.
I like Guns n Roses, but Axl Rose? Eww no thanks.
Sue recently posted..The toddler guide to tantrums
Exactly. Just thinking about it makes me itchy in dark places.
Does that mean that there are other rock stars that you have bedded? The secrets at the LetMeStart house I tell ya…
I swear, I am SOOOO not that interesting.
Ummm…I just have no words for this. I change the station every time Wilson Phillips comes on and I have never bedded any of those ladies… LOL
LIAR! You know you’ve shagged the three of them, you minx.
Oh, Lord, the sweet potato line, I almost peed my pants. What is with your hub? The worst I ever did was sleep with one of the Monkees, and that was only because we were desperate for company! (And yes, I told my husband!) Amy
Sharp Little Pencil recently posted..We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming
Which one? I liked the drummer.
You hate G&R? Hate Axl?? (Ok, deep breaths. We don’t have to agree to still be friends.) While I agree that bad things would have happened to your lady bits had you gone there, I still don’t get your general aversion to the soundtrack to my 7th and 8th grade years.
Anyway, your husband’s reaction to a changed radio station is awesome. From now on I’m going to make leaping and unlikely assumptions based on people’s small gestures.
You take milk in your coffee? What’s the matter? You don’t like black people?
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF? recently posted..WTF Gets Political
Oh, I know all the words to the songs because my friends loved them, but I’d never bed Axl. Ew.
Oh, how you read me and my coffee habits so well. I never should have asked for that extra serving of creamer…
Gosh, my husbands assumes that I’m going to kill everyone not bang them…
Lucky.
Arieloser recently posted..We’re Opening a Coffee Shop!
I’d rather kill Axl than bang him. That’s for damn sure.
Apparently I don’t support going to bed with AXL. Even not during the “jungle fever”
Claudia recently posted..אלומיניום 2
Neither do I!
I stumbled my way over here via Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva. Thank goodness I did. I needed – NEEDED – the full on rolling around cackling your sweet potato line brought me. Thank you so much for making my whole day a million times better!
You’re welcome, Noey, and thanks for coming by!
Your coffee creamer habits are consistent with sleeping with Axl Rose since he is racist. I like how things seem to have come full circle.
It’s fun to learn new things about people.
just keep swimming recently posted..Evil Corporations and School Libraries
Obviously. I thought that was clear from the get-go.
And now I need to know how you take your coffee. Or are you more of a lemonade girl? WHICH COULD BE SO TELLING.
I think I got an STD just from looking at that last t-shirt pic. Guh-rohse.
hollow tree ventures recently posted..Believe It Or Not, This Counts As Praise
You probably did. Sorry!
Snorting! But I do like old GNR. Hate me, but don’t assume my love is the product of a dirty night with Slash.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Daddy Has a Gun and Other Perks of Fatherhood.
Though, it totally could be…