I’ve had enough, ThankYouVeryMuch.
My kid doesn’t eat it. She celebrates gravity with it.
Then I have to make her celebrate the Swivel Sweeper with it.
2. Black Magic Markers
Kids never use any color other than this to write all over their bodies. I don’t think I need to bother with the other thousand colors available. They only go for black.
Do I even have to explain?
4. Fox News
They somehow even make a pleasant forecast sound like a horrifying emergency.
Calm DOWN, people.
Three flecks adhere to the glue on their artwork. Three ounces somehow make their way onto my walls, the carpet upstairs, the stones on the fireplace, the cat, and the bottom of my kids’ shoes (even if they aren’t wearing any).
6. Saltine Crackers
Wonderful for tummy aches. Terrible for those who hate to vacuum her couch, kitchen and carpets each time her kid takes a bite of one.
Also: why do I always find Saltine crumbs in my bra hours after eating them?
7. “That Kid”
You know the one who whines too much and who is rude and too rough every time on the playground and the parents simply won’t do anything about it. Him/Her.
Sorry, kid, but you’re not invited here ever again. You can blame your parents for letting you be such an asshole.
What’s on your list?