Cool dew
Thick brush
Pink soiled hands
White sky
Black eye
Uncertain plan
Rough bark
Bird call
Rush hide go stop
Door slam
No air
Will she be sought?
Will she get caught?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This post was in response to Trifecta Trifextra Weekend Writing Prompt:
~ we challenge you to write a poem of your own in either 33 words, 3 lines or 3 stanzas
CLICK HERE to read all the responses, the full prompt, or add your own.
If you never tried to hide from someone whose mind you could not read, but whose actions you knew well, this is what it feels like. I’m no poet, but I thought I’d give it a try.
For more on this part of my past, see: I Am the 1 in the 1 in 3, Through the Trees, In A Flash, Shades of Gray.
For some lighter stuff, see the links below.
Pink soiled hands
whoa! this line – the rest as well, but THIS line says so much.
thanks for sharing.
barbara recently posted..Sara Jane’s Lament
Thanks for pointing that out, Barbara. I saw my little pink soiled hands and knew this was what I was going to write about. It started the whole thing.
It sounds so lovely until the black eye. Then the whole thing takes a scary cast. I felt breathless at ‘no air’ and helpless at sought caught.
Jester Queen recently posted..Sam Part III
I’m glad you felt that way, because when that door slams and you don’t know whether you’re going to be looked for or not? That’s a moment when you simply can’t breathe.
Your choice of words and placement makes the piece feel sinister and eerie start to finish. Pink hands, white sky, black eye, rush, hide, no air, sought, caught…oooo!
A fabulous piece of writing.
Thanks, Diane. Sinister & eerie….I like that.
I feel as though she is trying to get out of a bad relationship. And, I feel drawn into her story…
Ha, in a way…she is.
Love the urgency and how you got so much emotion into 33 words. You are amazing.
Erin @Momfog recently posted..The Best Things About Summer Break, According To A Lunch Lady
Thanks, Erin. When I read it aloud it sounds urgent, but I can’t really relay that…I had hoped you all got it.
This was so well crafted. The wording was exquisite – and you did it while adhering to a pretty strict set of parameters. My favorite part? “Rush hide go stop.” For me, the frantic, urgent mood really comes through in those four words.
Sue recently posted..Martha Stewart Inspired Lego Ice Cream Cake – A Spin Cycle Tutorial
That was the last line I edited. I changed it 3x before I knew this was the right fit. Thanks for all your feedback!
Fascinating and intriguing.
idiosyncratic eye recently posted..In Other News
Thank you. I like that description.
The tension does build in this poem. Starting out almost playfully, then turns desperate.
Tara R. recently posted..Week 20: Sunsets
Oh good, thank you. Good to know.
Wow, you really feel like you’ve lost your own breath for her at the end! Great job.
Mel recently posted..TRIFEXTRA: Bloom Where You’re Planted
Thank you for saying so, I was hoping for that.
i like the sharp noted tempo of this piece. you convey a lot of imagery and meaning with so few words. well done.
Thank you, Renada. Sharp noted tempo… I like that.
I can’t believe how much you got in with so few words. I’m always impressed with poetry that can tell a story so quickly and perfectly. Well done.
OldDogNewTits recently posted..Three in All (for Trifextra)
That was a great compliment, ODNT. I’m not much of a poet, so that means a lot.
I hope she does not get caught.
Ruby Manchanda recently posted..Shadow
Sometimes, she didn’t.
I like these: “Pink soiled hands,” “Black eye,” and “Rough bark”
I had Blue Eye in there, but since sometimes one would be black, it made more sense. Thanks for picking those out to show me, and for coming by.
I like the cadence, the brevity of the words and how they cling to one another. One line drew me out of the poem “Rush hide go stop” it broke the rhythm, but perhaps that’s what you were looking to do. Is she running from, or to something? I am curious.
k~ recently posted..Empty~ (Trifecta)
This is me as a kid, hiding from my abusive father, who could turn on a dime. I never knew whether he was chasing me or not, whether he noticed or not. It was an unstable environment. I’d sometimes hide in the woods behind the house if I thought he was in one of his moods. This is what it felt like.
Thanks for asking, being interested in knowing more.
Thank you for explaining it to me. I thought the abuse might be part of it, but I had not pictured it as a child. That makes sense.
Thank you.
k~ recently posted..Empty~ (Trifecta)
It might be easier to picture if you read the post I linked to below it, called Through the Trees.
I usually don’t talk about this stuff, but the prompts sometimes kind of make me do it.
Thanks for looking further. I always am happy to explain myself.
Thank you so much for linking up to Trifextra this weekend. The challenge this weekend will be judged by the community. So please come back to the Trifecta home page and click the stars next to the three posts you most enjoyed. You only have until Monday at 8 am EST, so hurry!
Trifecta recently posted..Trifextra: Week Eighteen
Really well written. As I was reading it, I thought, “wow, this girl is a poet!” That is, until I read down below where you state that you are in fact not a poet. I disagree. Really, really well done.
Steph at The Healthy Mom recently posted..Getting the good stuff into my kids through snacks…
Thanks, Steph! I rarely do poetry, and sometimes I get embarrassed reading it because I have no clue what the person is talking about. Seriously, this happens to me a lot when reading it.