This is not a post about meal planning or healthy meals to feed your whole family.
This is a confession about how I don’t cook for my husband. Ever.
Okay, okay…maybe once or twice a month he’ll ask me to make him stir fry or baked chicken, and I’ll whip it up while rolling my eyes and huffing at him for being SO DAMN NEEDY.
It’s not that I don’t like to cook. I just don’t like to cook for him.
What I like, is to start with something like Garlic Bread with Baked Ricotta to dip it in:
Can ya feel it baby?
I can too.
Then a little Rigatoni with Merlot Marinara Sauce & 3 Cheeses baked in:
C'mon, swing it.
Followed by some Angel Food Cake covered in homemade Rhubarb-Strawberry compote, served with vanilla bean ice cream:
Makin' you feel the rhythm is my occupation.
Plus some plump strawberries dipped in crème fraîche, then rolled in raw sugar:
So feel the vibration.
Plus lots of delicious red zinfandel to wash it down.
So every other week, I invite a few girlfriends over with their kids (tonight there were 12 kids and 4 of us moms), cook like a fiend, and laugh my ass off while the kids run amok in my basement. We all moan over the food, tell our kids to stop tattling/wrestling/whining 100x and end the night a bit later than intended.
It. Is. Awesome.
My husband likes about 5 things, and rotates them. He doesn’t decide what he wants to eat until immediately before he eats. Which is around 9pm. He also likes his meats overcooked to the point of dry (a sin!), hates cheese (who IS this man?!), and isn’t interested in trying new things (honestly, it’s like a married my photo negative).
I spent the years 2000-2005 trying to work with this. Then I had our 1st kid, and was like Holy Shit This Is Hard Feed Yo Damn SELF.
Our son turned one year old in 2006, I decided I’d try to cook for Husband again, then a month later I started barfing profusely which meant I was pregnant again and said NO KITCHEN NO NO NO! until approximately 2009, when our 2nd kid was 1.5 years old.
Then I had 2 kids, a new kitchen, and decided to try to cook for him again. I wasted so much time and energy – which I do not have at all to spare – cooking for him then watching the food sit in Tupperware uneaten until I tossed it out, that I put my foot down in 2010.
I told him that I will not cook for him unless:
1. He tells me by 3pm what he wants for dinner.
2. He requests something we actually have all the ingredients for, because I am not taking two little kids to the grocery store after 3pm No Effing Way.
In our family, my secret is that I love to cook for groups of people, but I rarely ever cook for the Love of my Life.
I never eat with him. Never. Ever. Our dinners are 4 hours and many cheeses apart.
But that’s okay.
Because every week or so, I get to scratch my itch to cook. I go on Pinterest to try out new recipes or recipes I’ve already tried & loved, dig through my file of recipe printouts covered in my handwritten notes, or the collection of cook books, or even just make something up off the top of my head. I test these out on my hilarious friends who make every moment during our meals memorable, and it becomes so much more than a mealtime. It becomes an event where secrets are shared, praise is handed out, tears are shed, and friendships blossom to the next level.
There’s something about these sit-down meals that I cherish. It’s how my love of cooking and inability to take it out on Husband has forced me into collecting friends who love to take that second helping, who jump up to clean up after the kids so I won’t have to, who appreciate my efforts and show it in ways more than just saying “Yum!”
I’m actually glad Husband is a pain in the ass when it comes to eating dinner.
If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t have nights like tonight, where I have a belly full of great food and wine, a face sore from laughing, and a head swimming with happy from all the great conversation I had with three wonderful friends.
Do you have an arrangement like this, that’s unconventional?
Do you have any never-fail recipes to share with me?
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I am SO in the same boat! Hubs won’t eat things I love to cook. So I make up reasons to have friends over and cook for them. Roasted beets with goat cheese? Yes! Stuffed artichokes? Yes! Olives and exotic cheeses? Yes! Chocolate carmel cake? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Excuse me while I cool off now.
BTW – love the Marky Mark shout out.
JD @ Honest Mom recently posted..Just when I thought I was awesome, I wasn’t.
I love me some Good Vibrations, girl.
My husband complained that my stuffed artichokes weren’t dry. Who the hezzle wants DRY stuffed artichokes? Blech. So I had my friend over, and she help due eat all the leftovers.
I like the idea of cooking with friends. After cooking all day in the cafeteria I just wanna stop. Not come home and make more….
Kisatrtle recently posted..Tuesday Tribute: my friend Don
Well, in all fairness I don’t spend my entire days cooking. Which is why I get to enjoy doing it for friends.
“My husband likes about 5 things, and rotates them. He doesn’t decide what he wants to eat until immediately before he eats. Which is around 9pm. He also likes his meats overcooked to the point of dry (a sin!), hates cheese (who IS this man?!), and isn’t interested in trying new things .”
Wait. I didn’t know you were married to my husband. I thought there was a law against it or something.
Jester Queen recently posted..Let’s talk about my dog
Sorry to break it to you…
Well, better this way than face to face where things might have gotten all awkward and confrontational
Jester Queen recently posted..Let’s talk about my dog
He hates cheese?!?! And you married him anyway?!?! You ARE a saint! Glad you’re feeling better and you were able to have a fun night.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..A Picture Divides My Heart
Look at it this way: I get to eat all the cheese he gets served. *evil grin*
Actually, we recently had a housemate join us, and as Lex is a pastor, I went from usually eating alone to having another woman who loves to cook, and we cook for each other. Lex is also an excellent cook, so between the three of us, it’s like a kitchen menage a trois, except of course that he’s a pastor and that’s perfectly clear, right?!
I’m an on-the-fly cook. I make something out of whatever we have.
Monica is a recipe woman and shops specifically and in advance.
Lex bakes the best apple pies… and is a ready, willing, and able sous chef. Our favorite date is trolling the coops and farmer’s markets, then going out for coffee after we refrigerate the groceries! I kid you not. Lovely post, thanks, Kim! Amy
Sharp Little Pencil recently posted..Always and Forever, Ironweed (dammit)
That sounds Heavenly!
I’d love to troll farmer’s markets…mmm…
Send me all the listings in your ‘hood. I’m moving. I will bring wine and quiche. Also Manchego and crackers and some kickin’ jam.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Naptime Writing and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie
You’ve got mail.
Man, I love cooking but trying to cook for a picky eater might kill me! I’m glad you have an outlet for your talents.
Annabelle recently posted..Trifecta: The Dreamer
Me, too! Some of my friends felt bad at first, but I enjoy it so much that I think they finally ‘get it’.
Mine is pretty much the same way. His mother ruined him by letting the family subsist on takeout his entire childhood. He’d never even seen a casserole before I took him home to meet the family. So here we are somewhere around 15 yrs later and I still have to nag him to try a new food every once in a while. His limited diet is negatively affecting his health and his waistline and he doesn’t even care. Actually it affects mine too, because he wears me down with all his whining about not liking what’s being served. He doesn’t like leftovers and won’t set a foot in the kitchen to look for anything more adventurous than a bag of chips or toast. If we ever do have kids, I may send him away every meal just so they learn to eat like a real human being. I can just see it now. “Honey, time for dinner. Don’t come back until 8. Thanks. Enjoy your hamburger!” LOL
Leftovers – ugh! It took my husband years to be able to eat something the next day. Drives. Me. NUTS.
I love this! I trained my husband early on. I make what I want and he either eats it or forages for himself. He usually eats what I make and supplements with his favorite – canned beans (he never met a can of beans he didn’t like). Now, I should have done something about the laundry situation (as in, I do it all, all the time) a long, long time ago.
Paula @lkg4sweetspot recently posted..Are You One of “Those” Parents?
Let’s not even talk about laundry. I’d hate to start openly weeping with hatred.
With 3 youngish kids hours in the kitchen aren’t possible for me, but I still like to eat well. I don’t have recipes, but I have secrets that make me look like I’m a good cook. I just did a mediteranean night with the girls. If you have a Trader Joe’s they have a great Spanikopita. Then use Girards Greek Feta dressing to make yourself a delicious greek salad. Add some pita bread and hummus and you’ve got a satisfying meal. Lastly, Ben & Jerry’s has some fabulous Greek Yogurt creations available.
It’s really wonderful that you have great girlfriends that you can spend regular time with. I get that once a month and it never comes soon enough or lasts long enough.
just keep swimming recently posted..Robbed
Trader Joe’s makes my world a better place, my life even more worth living. I heart them big time!
I just tried the B&J’s peanut butter swirl Greek frozen yogurt. Dangerously good.
Will you PLESE share how you made that heavenly looking garlic bread?! The recipe for your Rigatoni with Merlot Marinara Sauce & 3 Cheeses would be nice too.
Holy Cow does that make me hungry for some comfort food!
Honestly, these were things I just whipped together. here’s the best I can describe:
Trader Joe’s Garlic Ciabatta slathered with the store-made garlic spread. I baked it at 350*F until the was both crispy and soft.
The dip for it was one and 22oz of ricotta cheese with Italian Seasonings stirred in. I put half in a sprayed small baking dish. Then poured pomodoro sauce on top. Then spread the other half of the ricotta on top of that. Drizzled with a little olive oil. Baked covered at 350*F until it got a little bubbly, then uncovered to brown it a bit.
Rigatoni cooked a minute less than the box asked for. Drained. Stirred in about 8oz of ricotta cheese til it melted into the pasta. Then I stirred in a jar of Merlot Marinara sauce I found at Stop & Shop (so good!). Poured it all into a sprayed lasagna dish, topped with Panko crumbs, then shredded mozza della, then grated Parm, sprinkled with pepper. Baked covered at 350*F with foil until the cheese was all melted through, then uncovered it to crisp up the top a bit.
Hope that helps!
After 6 years of not cooking for my husband I started to feel bad. and I started making a separate meals for him. But I like the idea of having a party of friends over and cooking for them, because they love my food. So thanks for putting my marriage back on the rocks but my friendships back front and center.
naptimewriting recently posted..A Brief Interlude
Anything for you!
Seriously!? If someone willingly cooked anything for me, I’d eat it. It could be chicken feet, I’m open to it since I didn’t have to make it.
I won’t touch my hubby’s laundry. It’s way too high maintenance for me. He has different requirements for different clothes, but pretty much everything needs to be washed on delicate, then put in the dryer on low for “just a bit”, then every. single. piece. needs to be hung on the clothesline in the laundry room. He’s got casual clothes, workout clothes (every day), and his police uniforms. When hanging his uniform, certain buttons need to be done, etc. He has certain hangers for certain items. It’s too much. I have 3 kids under 5 that need my attention. I’d rather deal with their screaming tantrums than deal with my husband’s laundry.
I promise you: I’d NEVER make you eat chicken feet.