Ever think you need to fart and then it lasts for 3 days and then you realize Oh My God…is my appendix bursting? Do I have appendicitis?
Um, yeah. That.
So I’ve had a bit of tummy pain for a few days. Long story short, I thought I pulled an ab muscle working out (yes, I’m that Bad Ass) or I just had to toot (yes, I’m that gassy).
Sunday morning I realized it wasn’t going away, but my husband was about to go away for an overnight business trip, and maybe I should have someone take a pokey and peekey at my belly before he hops on a plane.
Just to be sure, I go online to WebMD (I know…I know…) and enter in my symptoms to see if I am overreacting. The results included:
- Gas
- Muscle strain
- Lupus
- Ovarian Cancer
- Kidney Stones
- Rectal Cancer
- Shingles
- Radiation Poisoning
- Small Intestine Cancer
- Abdominal Migraine (<–WTF?!?)
- Colon Cancer
- Appendicitis
- Plus TWO flashing red boxes that told me to immediately head to the ER
Very reassuring. Totally helped me to not overreact.
I packed a book, a snack, some water and my phone, left my husband to deal with the kids, and off I drove to Urgent Care.
Hoping like hell it was just gas.
I was checked in quickly, examined quickly, and when Doctor Dude pressed on my belly I screamed, which startled both of us. He calmly told me in a gentle professional voice it would be good to get a CT Scan immediately because I may have appendicitis and we’d hate for that to burst.
Um, yeah. I tend to agree with you on that point, Doc.
Luckily, the nurse brought me cocktails to pass the time.
Oh, my Sunday? I just sat back, had a drink, gave some blood, peed in a cup, got my guts scanned. And you?
She told me to drink it down fast, which I did.
Lemme tell you, after having to choke down a gallon of gag-inducing Bowel Cleanse before last December’s colonoscopy and anal surgery, this CT Scan Contrast Cocktail went down easy. Even though it tasted like the worst Crystal Lite ever made with room-temperature hospital sink water, and it was barely stirred.
May I please have some vodka with this?
Oh, and PS: Once I drank this, I had to wait 3 hours before I could get my CT Scan.
And my cell phone had no service. *GASP*
Luckily, I got the chance to eavesdrop on the people on the other side of the curtain beside me. My favorite point of conversation – and there were many to choose from – came after the nurse initially checked out the college girl and told her and her mom the doctor would be right in. As soon as she left, the mother said to her coughing, nose-blowing daughter, “You really should have brushed your hair before we came here.”
I love crazy families. Sigh.
In between eavesdropping on Miss Coughypants and Julie McJudgeystein, I laid back, read my book, and was told that the drinking wasn’t over yet.
Barkeep! Hit me again, sir. I'm parched.
And then again.
Finally, I get escorted to the CT Scan, which was operated by someone way less hot or funny than anyone I’ve seen do it on House, M.D. or Grey’s Anatomy, which was quite disappointing, but the contrast dye he put into my IV (yes, even more, despite the fact I drank my body weight in the stuff already) made me all warm & tingly, which was pretty cool.
Anyway, lo and behold, after 4 hours of hanging out in the Urgent Care center on one of the loveliest days of the year so far, they scanned, poked, and tested everything they could of me to come to the conclusion I am fine.
The doctor kept saying how healthy I was, my pee and blood and belly looked great.
The culprit? My ovary.
Have I ever mentioned that my ovaries hate me? Yep. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, to those of you luckily not in the know), which means I get to experience the joy of giant exploding cysts every now and again that hurt so bad they make me and doctors think my appendix could be about to burst.
Yay!
Since I already knew my ovary hated me, I was discharged, sent home to rest, and told to keep an eye on my it (don’t worry, I’m quite flexible).
I came home, ate, and tucked myself into the basement couch to catch up on the past 5 episodes of Giuliana & Bill. When Husband came home with the kids, Miss A had even picked out a plant for me as a Get Well Soon gift. So this was my view all afternoon:
I seriously love this show. Why isn't G my BFF??
Plus, a little bit of this:
One-sided Hide-and-Seek is SO FUN.
In the end, I’m really glad my appendix isn’t about to burst.
Also, I’m glad my belly was scanned, because I’ve been getting a little over-thinky about the chances of my getting Cancer some day. Particularly the same kind my mom had 2 years ago (Peritoneal Cancer – the lining of the abdominal cavity). Maybe today’s Field Trip was Fate’s way of letting me get my scan and reassure me that I’m okay.
It also is forcing me to make my next OB/GYN and Primary Care Doctor appointments, since I have to follow up with them. Which is something I’ve had on my To Do list, but kept forgetting to do. Even though they are on my To Do List. (yes, I’m an idiot)
So the Sunday spent in Urgent Care could be looked at as a waste of a day, a scare, something that made me lose out on a lot of time to get stuff done like writing, work, time with the family.
But I’m looking at it as an opportunity to check in on my health, calm my irrational nerves down about cancer worries, and the kick in the pants to make those two doctor appointments I’ve been procrastinating on.
The worst thing that happened was that I was professionally reminded that my ovaries can be angry bitches at times.
But heck, I can, too. So I can live with that.
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LOL — All I can say is I feel your pain. I spent a day in the ER doing the same thing about six months ago. On the up side, I now know that I am likely to get more of these *uckers, but WOW they hurt. Can I say again, WOW they effing HURT. I have a low-level ache in my side that’s warning me another one is coming, so I can look forward to falling on the floor writhing in agony soon, most likely. :/ Sheesh, the crap women put up with. And I don’t even HAVE PCOS.
Sorry, Terry. That stinks big time! My sister in Angry Ovary Pain. We should have a secret handshake or something.
What a fun weekend. Okay, yeah, I know, NOT, but at least you still have an appendix, right? Damn ovaries. Hope they calm down and you feel better.
Vinobaby (aka Kerry Ann) recently posted..Echelon Chardonnay & Pinot Grigio: A Relaxing Review
I’m happy it wasn’t appendicitis. That would have been rather inconvenient.
Thanks for the well wishes!
Oh OW. I had endo. (Had. I have now removed ALL that shit from my body and everyone in the world is so much happier. Hysterectomy=gift from above.) Endo is NOTHING like PCOS for the pain. OW. Ow. OW. OW. Your ovaries are EVIL and they hate you. That sounds like agony.
Jester Queen recently posted..Carry Me Too Far Away
I can’t say it’s exactly pleasant, but I have had this my whole life so I know what I’m dealing with.
Endo sucks, though. Glad you’re on the better end of it now.
It sounds horrible, but I was laughing, because I always make the mistake of Googling my “symptoms” and there are always horrific possibilities. Glad you are okay!
TheKitchenWitch recently posted..Appetizers: Salami Crisps
At first I was confirming where my appendix was, then trying to confirm it was just gas, then I realized I was going to die immediately (according to WebMD). WebMD is a good time, lemme tell ya.
So in other words, you got an afternoon to yourself with a drink and a hot guy feeling you up? Sigh. That sounds better than mine.
But in all seriousness, I’m glad you’re okay. I had kidney stones last year and swore to god they were the most painful thing in the world and that I was dying. Obviously I wasn’t, but I wouldn’t wish those on anyone…well, maybe a couple of people, but clearly not on you.
Abby recently posted..Take Me To Your Leader
It was nice to hang out on a bed and read for 4 hours – you won’t hear any complaints about that from me. No no no.
But kidney stones = HELL. Sorry you had to go through that. Yikers! And…any chance you know for certain we could wish these on someone? I’d like to keep that skill in my back pocket juuuuust in case….
Ugh, I have been there! I did have my appendix removed so the last time I got stomach pain that bad and went to the doctor we knew it was not my appendix. I was paranoid because my mom was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Turns out I had a nice large cyst that had burst….stupid ovaries! Hope you feel better soon!
Stupid ovaries!
My mom had an ovary removed years and years ago, which no one ever confirmed what was wrong with it (Um…hello? Who removes an ovary without this minor detail??), so I worry. Also, her peritoneal cancer (and my father’s cancer, and all his siblings’ cancers) don’t exactly reassure me when I have odd pains in the belly. So I know what you mean.
I’m glad it wasn’t your appendix!
thoughtsappear recently posted..When Dessert Attacks
Me, too!
I’m so glad it wasn’t your appendix! My husband’s burst, and it’s not fun. Even so, exploding cysts are un-fun in an cyclical way…sorry you have to deal with that!
At least you got some reading done? At least today is pouring rain so you avoided sunburn and will continue to do so. That’s all I’ve got for you at this point.
Kristin recently posted..Glad I Saw It: Curbed Firebird
Yes, lots of reading done. Which was nice, in a so-glad-it-wasn’t-appendicitis way.
I did get a little burn on the back of my neck last week, so avoiding sunburn this week is a nice treat. SO, you’re spot-on with your optimism.
Oh god now i have a pain….. Which side is appendicitis on??
I am officially banned by my husband from the webmd……
Right side, between your belly button and hip bone.
Don’t Google the pain. It never ends well.
I feel your pain I have endo and PCOS my left ovary is my mortal enemy. It’s nickname is The Mini Langolier (Stephen King). Hope the pain lets up soon it’s hard to get anything done with that kind of pain slowing you down.
It’s just annoying having my ovaries be so damn disruptive. Don’t you agree? For little guys, they sure are meanies.
Stupid ovaries!
Sanstrousers recently posted..Bad Nature! Bad!
Amen!
Time in the ER without caring for kids does sound like a vacation. I haven’t gone anywhere in a while. Can you tell?
Get better soon!
just keep swimming recently posted..The Chosen One
That part was delightful, I admit. Usually Sunday mornings are spent dealing with 2 psychotic kids who want to be back in school so they annoy me til they end up being banned to opposing sides of the house.
So quietly reading for 4 hours wasn’t a bad gig for me.
Admit it: You’re totally jealous of my angry ovaries.
So glad you’re okay! It might be stressful, but hours ALONE, even at the ER, tend to be, well, restful.
Ninja Mom recently posted..Are you mom enough to shut up?
The reading in silence was a nice break on a Sunday morning, when I’m usually cleaning house. No complaints there.
I’m glad you’re ok! My sister in law just had a similar experience, except her ovary made her stomach distend and we thought she was going to explode….so that was all around horrible. I’ve never had that type of incident, but I’m a total hypochondriac, so anytime I get gas, I start planning my funeral.
Paige Kellerman recently posted..Check Please
I’m the opposite. I have a high pain threshold and tough things out, so when my gut instinct was to go to the ER the back of my head was all “Ohhhh….poop. This might be bad….”
You poor thing! I am so sorry you went through all that! But yay you for getting your insides checked out. At least you have the peace of mind knowing that both ass hole and your abdomen are in good shape. That’s more than the rest of us know!
Steph at The Healthy Mom recently posted..Do this with your kids’ artwork
True. My in shoot & out shoot are both lookin’ pretty fine. So that’s good.
When I look up whats wrong with me online I always end up scaring myself to death, unless I really am that bad I dont ever do it anymore, I do, however, take great pleasure in googling other peoples symptoms and reading them out to them!
Laura recently posted..Excess
LOL! Torturing the ill. Sweeeeeet.
I am really trying to imagine an abdominal migraine and totally failing! I’m glad it all turned out okay for you — WebMD really can be the devil if you’re susceptible to suggestion.
Annabelle recently posted..Trifecta: The Dreamer
I’m glad I can’t imagine an abdominal migraine – the head ones are bad enough!
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