Ever think you need to fart and then it lasts for 3 days and then you realize Oh My God…is my appendix bursting? Do I have appendicitis?
Um, yeah. That.
So I’ve had a bit of tummy pain for a few days. Long story short, I thought I pulled an ab muscle working out (yes, I’m that Bad Ass) or I just had to toot (yes, I’m that gassy).
Sunday morning I realized it wasn’t going away, but my husband was about to go away for an overnight business trip, and maybe I should have someone take a pokey and peekey at my belly before he hops on a plane.
Just to be sure, I go online to WebMD (I know…I know…) and enter in my symptoms to see if I am overreacting. The results included:
- Muscle strain
- Ovarian Cancer
- Kidney Stones
- Rectal Cancer
- Radiation Poisoning
- Small Intestine Cancer
- Abdominal Migraine (<–WTF?!?)
- Colon Cancer
- Plus TWO flashing red boxes that told me to immediately head to the ER
Very reassuring. Totally helped me to not overreact.
I packed a book, a snack, some water and my phone, left my husband to deal with the kids, and off I drove to Urgent Care.
Hoping like hell it was just gas.
I was checked in quickly, examined quickly, and when Doctor Dude pressed on my belly I screamed, which startled both of us. He calmly told me in a gentle professional voice it would be good to get a CT Scan immediately because I may have appendicitis and we’d hate for that to burst.
Um, yeah. I tend to agree with you on that point, Doc.
Luckily, the nurse brought me cocktails to pass the time.
She told me to drink it down fast, which I did.
Lemme tell you, after having to choke down a gallon of gag-inducing Bowel Cleanse before last December’s colonoscopy and anal surgery, this CT Scan Contrast Cocktail went down easy. Even though it tasted like the worst Crystal Lite ever made with room-temperature hospital sink water, and it was barely stirred.
Oh, and PS: Once I drank this, I had to wait 3 hours before I could get my CT Scan.
And my cell phone had no service. *GASP*
Luckily, I got the chance to eavesdrop on the people on the other side of the curtain beside me. My favorite point of conversation – and there were many to choose from – came after the nurse initially checked out the college girl and told her and her mom the doctor would be right in. As soon as she left, the mother said to her coughing, nose-blowing daughter, “You really should have brushed your hair before we came here.”
I love crazy families. Sigh.
In between eavesdropping on Miss Coughypants and Julie McJudgeystein, I laid back, read my book, and was told that the drinking wasn’t over yet.
And then again.
Finally, I get escorted to the CT Scan, which was operated by someone way less hot or funny than anyone I’ve seen do it on House, M.D. or Grey’s Anatomy, which was quite disappointing, but the contrast dye he put into my IV (yes, even more, despite the fact I drank my body weight in the stuff already) made me all warm & tingly, which was pretty cool.
Anyway, lo and behold, after 4 hours of hanging out in the Urgent Care center on one of the loveliest days of the year so far, they scanned, poked, and tested everything they could of me to come to the conclusion I am fine.
The doctor kept saying how healthy I was, my pee and blood and belly looked great.
The culprit? My ovary.
Have I ever mentioned that my ovaries hate me? Yep. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, to those of you luckily not in the know), which means I get to experience the joy of giant exploding cysts every now and again that hurt so bad they make me and doctors think my appendix could be about to burst.
Since I already knew my ovary hated me, I was discharged, sent home to rest, and told to keep an eye on my it (don’t worry, I’m quite flexible).
I came home, ate, and tucked myself into the basement couch to catch up on the past 5 episodes of Giuliana & Bill. When Husband came home with the kids, Miss A had even picked out a plant for me as a Get Well Soon gift. So this was my view all afternoon:
Plus, a little bit of this:
In the end, I’m really glad my appendix isn’t about to burst.
Also, I’m glad my belly was scanned, because I’ve been getting a little over-thinky about the chances of my getting Cancer some day. Particularly the same kind my mom had 2 years ago (Peritoneal Cancer – the lining of the abdominal cavity). Maybe today’s Field Trip was Fate’s way of letting me get my scan and reassure me that I’m okay.
It also is forcing me to make my next OB/GYN and Primary Care Doctor appointments, since I have to follow up with them. Which is something I’ve had on my To Do list, but kept forgetting to do. Even though they are on my To Do List. (yes, I’m an idiot)
So the Sunday spent in Urgent Care could be looked at as a waste of a day, a scare, something that made me lose out on a lot of time to get stuff done like writing, work, time with the family.
But I’m looking at it as an opportunity to check in on my health, calm my irrational nerves down about cancer worries, and the kick in the pants to make those two doctor appointments I’ve been procrastinating on.
The worst thing that happened was that I was professionally reminded that my ovaries can be angry bitches at times.
But heck, I can, too. So I can live with that.
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