What I love about you people is that when I ask for your Kid Art, you send me blobs, horrifying statues, penises, and crazy shizz that makes me realize that some families actually have more crap on their walls than mine does. Thank You.
A couple weeks ago I was talking about how my Husband and I once had fine tastes and now we’re surrounded by fingerprints, scribbles and scarily hypnotic crayon balloons, when I decided to see if you all were in the same situation. The answer is a resounding Yes. Yes, we all have lost the will to fight the shorties of the house. Which means I live with a creepy-eyed cardboard minx named Boxy.
My friend’s basement playroom has been taken over by a massive Crate & Barrel box – I mean, a Really Cool Volkswagen. Which her 6yo son has advised me I am much to big in sit in, but can watch him pretend to drive any time. Gee, thanks, Kid. Where does mom hide the hooch down here, anyway? I shouldn’t complain.
Both of us are luckier than The Lucky Mom. She has this…Post-Op Elmo? …Zombie Cactus? …Mummified Beaker from The Muppets? giving her The Death Stare from her kitchen. Is he wearing a hobo’s filthy hat? And is that his right pinky finger hanging by a thread? *shudder*
Since we’re talking about murderous creatures with bloody stumps, are you a Harry Potter fan? NinjaMom‘s daughter is. OOooh! A picture of Ginny Weasley? Err…dying? From…the Basilisk eating through her stomach in the Chamber of Secrets? How…interesting…
Don’t worry, she’s actually a MUCH happier child than this shows. See?
Anyway…to cheer her up, Mom & Dad decided to let her put one sticker on the headboard of her beautiful white wooden bed.
KimberlyH also has…uh…something hanging in her home. In her words they are “Top Left: airplane, top right: I have no idea, bottom left: giant bird, bottom right: big giant birthday cake”. Oh, Sweetie, these two pink blobs that kind of look like a howling pink werewolf getting tickled by an upside-down pink alligator who’s laying beneath her is just lovely. Let’s hang them prominently in our home.
JaniceLB‘s adorable 22mo daughter likes to draw faces. Creepy, screaming, skinless faces that dance around a cloudy moon. Happy happy!
Some kids are such good artists, they refuse to let their parents look at their work. Like BrittB‘s daughter, whose masterpiece was “so pretty” she hung it in plain non-sight. You like it Mommy? No, no touch. Just say you like it.
I, personally, like when our kids take passive aggressive revenge on us, then make us hang it with pride. Oh, how easily we are fooled. I’m guessing MommasTimeOut‘s daughter was told “No” too many times, so now only draws pictures of her family with Momma never wearing any pants…and not up to date on, shall we say, Landscaping The Lady Garden. Look how happy I am! Look how tall Daddy is! Look how unshaven Momma is! Hope you like the photo, Elderly Neighbor!
Not only is SusanSC‘s 5yo son smart enough to properly name everyone in his family portrait, he does an accurate rendering of his mom’s new perm which he hates, so she’ll think she needs to start looking into a flat iron. Nice hair, Mom. NOT.
You know who else has nice hair? AmyFG‘s husband. Or, at least his 4yo kid thinks so.
The lovely AnneK‘s son was given a task: draw something that will be made into personalized stationary. He took the task quite seriously. Dear Grandma, I hope you like the lazy sperm and giant log of crap with some undigested salad poking from it! I drew it all by myself!
A couple moms made me feel better, proving that it is possible to wallpaper entire homes in Kid Art. Like DianeB, whose son not only is a big fan of bears & Christmas, but also likes a range of subjects in really bright colors…
And VanessaM, whose kid has instructional signs for the cat’s food, people, Math, handprints and words that make absolutely no sense. All on one floor of her home.
Speaking of rooms, Confession of the ID‘s son has certain expectations of those who want to enter his bedroom. As he should.
Did that make you laugh? You know what makes LynseyR‘s son laugh?
You know what makes me laugh? Penises. I’ve met NancyD‘s son. He’s a smart boy. He can tell when foxes are in love. And how to tell them apart.
Lucky LizN got this doozy, drawn by her daughter’s friend. Why, isn’t it just so HAPPY!?
And how could I possibly talk about penises without my beloved Susan of The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva slithering her way into the conversation? Her son Jake drew a picture of himself oh-so-happy, because he found a snake in the garden. If by “snake” you mean “uni-balled enormous lawn penis”? Why, yes. Yes, you did find one.
Finally, I don’t think I’ve ever showed it here, but last year my then-4yo daughter got a dance trophy. It was an elegant ballerina on her tiptoes, arms gracefully arched over her head. Miss A wanted to show it to her gentleman friend, so she drew a picture of it:
Ahhh…that was kind of fun, wasn’t it? It doesn’t have to be over, though. There were lots more Kid Art Photos sent in, which you can find HERE. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder what the hell you’re looking at. Hopefully those of you who, like me and my husband, had high hopes for a stylish home with cool art but were bitch-slapped by construction paper, broken crayons, pipe cleaners, and scribbles feel a little better now.
Because Elmo Zombies and Ariel Penises have a way of doing that.