What I love about you people is that when I ask for your Kid Art, you send me blobs, horrifying statues, penises, and crazy shizz that makes me realize that some families actually have more crap on their walls than mine does.
Thank You.
A couple weeks ago I was talking about how my Husband and I once had fine tastes and now we’re surrounded by fingerprints, scribbles and scarily hypnotic crayon balloons, when I decided to see if you all were in the same situation.
The answer is a resounding Yes. Yes, we all have lost the will to fight the shorties of the house.
Which means I live with a creepy-eyed cardboard minx named Boxy.
Hi there. I will now haunt your dreams.
My friend’s basement playroom has been taken over by a massive Crate & Barrel box – I mean, a Really Cool Volkswagen. Which her 6yo son has advised me I am much to big in sit in, but can watch him pretend to drive any time. Gee, thanks, Kid. Where does mom hide the hooch down here, anyway?
I shouldn’t complain.
Both of us are luckier than The Lucky Mom. She has this…Post-Op Elmo? …Zombie Cactus? …Mummified Beaker from The Muppets? giving her The Death Stare from her kitchen. Is he wearing a hobo’s filthy hat? And is that his right pinky finger hanging by a thread? *shudder*
I Will Kill You In Your Sleep.
Since we’re talking about murderous creatures with bloody stumps, are you a Harry Potter fan? NinjaMom‘s daughter is. OOooh! A picture of Ginny Weasley? Err…dying? From…the Basilisk eating through her stomach in the Chamber of Secrets? How…interesting…
I take it she didn’t like JK Rowling’s slightly happier ending?
Don’t worry, she’s actually a MUCH happier child than this shows. See?
Uh. Nevermind.
Anyway…to cheer her up, Mom & Dad decided to let her put one sticker on the headboard of her beautiful white wooden bed.
Hm. That didn’t go quite as planned.
KimberlyH also has…uh…something hanging in her home. In her words they are “Top Left: airplane, top right: I have no idea, bottom left: giant bird, bottom right: big giant birthday cake”. Oh, Sweetie, these two pink blobs that kind of look like a howling pink werewolf getting tickled by an upside-down pink alligator who’s laying beneath her is just lovely. Let’s hang them prominently in our home.
Nice…um…errr….stuff??
JaniceLB‘s adorable 22mo daughter likes to draw faces. Creepy, screaming, skinless faces that dance around a cloudy moon. Happy happy!
Of COURSE I’m not scared. Hold me.
Some kids are such good artists, they refuse to let their parents look at their work. Like BrittB‘s daughter, whose masterpiece was “so pretty” she hung it in plain non-sight. You like it Mommy? No, no touch. Just say you like it.
a b c d e f DON’T LOOK AT MY SHIT!
I, personally, like when our kids take passive aggressive revenge on us, then make us hang it with pride. Oh, how easily we are fooled.
I’m guessing MommasTimeOut‘s daughter was told “No” too many times, so now only draws pictures of her family with Momma never wearing any pants…and not up to date on, shall we say, Landscaping The Lady Garden. Look how happy I am! Look how tall Daddy is! Look how unshaven Momma is! Hope you like the photo, Elderly Neighbor!
The mischievous grin on that kid kinda gives her away.
Not only is SusanSC‘s 5yo son smart enough to properly name everyone in his family portrait, he does an accurate rendering of his mom’s new perm which he hates, so she’ll think she needs to start looking into a flat iron. Nice hair, Mom. NOT.
I also like her muumuu.
You know who else has nice hair?
AmyFG‘s husband. Or, at least his 4yo kid thinks so.
Nice balls on your chin, dude. I mean…Goatee. Yeah. Nice goatee.
The lovely AnneK‘s son was given a task: draw something that will be made into personalized stationary. He took the task quite seriously. Dear Grandma, I hope you like the lazy sperm and giant log of crap with some undigested salad poking from it! I drew it all by myself!
Looks JUST like a flower and a tree. Yeaaaaaaaahhhh…
A couple moms made me feel better, proving that it is possible to wallpaper entire homes in Kid Art. Like DianeB, whose son not only is a big fan of bears & Christmas, but also likes a range of subjects in really bright colors…
And VanessaM, whose kid has instructional signs for the cat’s food, people, Math, handprints and words that make absolutely no sense. All on one floor of her home.
Speaking of rooms, Confession of the ID‘s son has certain expectations of those who want to enter his bedroom. As he should.
Did that make you laugh?
You know what makes LynseyR‘s son laugh?
And I bet the fact that he read this aloud to his entire class and their moms made THEM laugh. Ahh…it all just goes full circle, doesn’t it?
You know what makes me laugh?
Penises.
I’ve met NancyD‘s son. He’s a smart boy. He can tell when foxes are in love. And how to tell them apart.
I think he likes her. A lot.
Lucky LizN got this doozy, drawn by her daughter’s friend. Why, isn’t it just so HAPPY!?
Nothing says Love like the Gift of Dick. I mean, the Gift of Ariel. The mermaid. Who is a redhead. OBVIOUSLY.
And how could I possibly talk about penises without my beloved Susan of The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva slithering her way into the conversation? Her son Jake drew a picture of himself oh-so-happy, because he found a snake in the garden. If by “snake” you mean “uni-balled enormous lawn penis”? Why, yes. Yes, you did find one.
penisssssssssSSSSSSSS!!!
Finally, I don’t think I’ve ever showed it here, but last year my then-4yo daughter got a dance trophy. It was an elegant ballerina on her tiptoes, arms gracefully arched over her head. Miss A wanted to show it to her gentleman friend, so she drew a picture of it:
Looks JUST LIKE the actual trophy. Trust me.
Ahhh…that was kind of fun, wasn’t it?
It doesn’t have to be over, though. There were lots more Kid Art Photos sent in, which you can find HERE. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder what the hell you’re looking at.
Hopefully those of you who, like me and my husband, had high hopes for a stylish home with cool art but were bitch-slapped by construction paper, broken crayons, pipe cleaners, and scribbles feel a little better now.
Because Elmo Zombies and Ariel Penises have a way of doing that.
Oh this post made me laugh and reminded me of an awkward parent teacher conference in which I was presented with numerous drawings of our family and my husband was a naked stick figure with a bow tie in all of them. The teacher thankfully had a sense of humor and asked if he was a Chippendale dancer. Turns out my six year old daughter just couldn’t figure out how to draw boy clothes.
Kisatrtle recently posted..Once Upon a Time: The Return
Wow, your husband sounds like quite the snazzy dresser. Love it!
If you happen to have any of those pics around, feel free to share on my FB wall – I’d love to see that.
Those are hilarious. I like the penis ones the best. I meant to submit my daughter’s penis one but totally forgot.
Jester Queen recently posted..House guests
…a sentence I’m guessing you don’t say often??
Oh, I couldn’t get my pics to upload, but these are so good/bad. Hilarious!
Sorry you had trouble! Damn FB Timeline….
That zombie Elmo is the creepiest shit I have ever seen. And I’ve seen some shit.
This list is getting pinned on my funny board.
Glad to be a part of it!
Ninja Mom recently posted..My mother’s apron: It’s not what you think it is.
The Zombie Elmo gives me nightmares. Since mystery loves company, I had to share.
There is some very sweet AND funny shit here. I live in fear of my boys talking about my farts at school, so I feel for that mom. I love the “no naked people in my room” note, and the boyfriend/girlfriend foxes – genius! Thanks for the much-needed laugh this a.m. I’m sharing this on Facebook.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..Today
Thanks for sharing! Nothing like a little farty penis post in the morning…am I right?!
That is so hysterical! “lawn penis” hahaha. My kids have turned out some works of art as well. I always loved the pictures that looked like random squiggles, but they would have a whole explanation as to the depiction! I used to write the explanation on the back of the pic so I would remember later – you know, for when I am old and have no memory left (oops, maybe I am there…). Really fun post!
Paula @lkg4sweetspot recently posted..DodgeBall State of Mind
I’m laughing because I do the same thing. I see a blue blob and a black line, she sees a complex scene from Finding Nemo. Uhhhh..yeah. That’s what I saw too…
(no I didn’t)
I am so excited to see what my little one draws other than on my couch now that he’s into markers. I guess what this goes to show is that in the end we are only marginally more mature than our children when the art we are most motivated to save and share are the ones that look like crap/penises/zombies. Keep it up kids…keep it up.
I never did ask: what WAS it that he drew on your couch?
That zombie Elmo was seriously creepy. And then they get all mad if he “disappears.” Yikes!
The “No Naked People in my room” sign reminded me of last year when my then 6 yo put a sign on her 3 yo sister’s back that said “Do not feed the Prisnr”. You’ve gotta love the rules kids come up with.
Thanks for the morning laugh.
just keep swimming recently posted..Mission Impossible – Play Date
OMG. That sign? Priceless.
That is hilarious. I am without both kids and kid art but reading this post was huge fun.
Annabelle recently posted..What I’m Craving This Season
Don’t need kids to love a good penis joke.
“Uni-balled enormous lawn penis.” Oh god, I’m going to be laughing about that for HOURS. I can’t wait until my kid is old enough for making ‘art’. Right now (at 11 months) all he makes are accidental forgeries of Jackson Pollock.
You just wait til the genital art starts coming home from school. You will be so proud.
omg!! I am DYING! …and my kid just keeps saying, “what’s so funny?!”
Get that kid some crayons!
Bawling my eyes out I’m laughing so hard.
Thankfully my daughters “art” (and that of her friends) don’t involve peni’
Amy recently posted..it’s that time of year again!!
Do they involve Lady Parts? Murder? Anything else noteworthy?
LOL Just me with a yellow .. heart .. on
LOVE it! Hilarious!!! That anatomically correct male fox was hysterical.
Ali recently posted..The Confessional
HE sure was, wasn’t HE?
Loved your first two posts on this topic, LOVE this one just as much. HI-larious! Even more so because I’m trained in art therapy for kids, but Im’a just gonna keep that analysis to myself!
Gemini Momma recently posted..Teething is the devil. So is infertility.
Oh no. Please don’t tell me ANYTHING.
HILARIOUS. Kid Art is the gift that NEVER stops giving!!!
karen somethingorother recently posted..A SMORGASBORD Of Fun!
Exactly!
I have sadly lost it now, but a few years back my then 6yo daughter drew a picture of Thanksgiving dinner where all of the “turkey legs” looked liked penises. She proudly presented it to me and then cried when I laughed so hard Pepsi came out of my nose! I did not mean to hurt her feelings but all of those penises on plates was hilarious!
That is something you immediately make color copies of, laminate, and put out as placemats for Thanksgiving dinner from then on.
No doubt. Mother-in-law would just love that.
And now you’ve given me a brilliant idea.
Thanks, that was one of the funniest blog posts I’ve ever read. In other news, yes, our house is plastered with kid art, too. I was fortunate enough to just get rid of one styrofoam “angel” with ridiculously realistic hair, but not fortunate, smart, or timely enough to get a photo of it. My older kid does have a knack for making me look like a degenerate Homer Simpson in her photos. *Love*
Phil recently posted..Why I Don’t Care If My Kids Bother You
That angel kind of creeps me out, and I’m only imagining what it looks like. Scary!
Thanks for coming by.
Oh Jesus, I’m not sure if I pissed myself laughing, or because Zombie Elmo is going to haunt my dreams forever.
I looooove this post. I love my little one’s scribbles, smiley faces, and penis-cats!
Jenni recently posted..Ow…ow…ow…
I’m pretty sure it’s because Zombie Elmo is going to haunt your dreams forever.
Oh holy crap. I hate it when there are naked people always wanting in my room. Glad that happens to someone else too.
Kim recently posted..An announcement and a giveaway!
I, too, have a sign on my bedroom door that disallows naked people from entering.
this is too funny. i don’t think my kids have anything this bad, er… i mean this good.
anna recently posted..If You’re Fighting in the Mommy Wars: You’ve Already Won
Sometimes it’s not necessarily the art itself, it’s the location or volume. I happen to have all 3 factors, but…maybe I’m just lucky??
Ohmygoodness! I hope this doesn’t count as one of the little dude’s fifteen minutes of fame. I’m pretty sure it isn’t what he had in mind!
The Lucky Mom recently posted..10 Celebrity Parents who are A Lot Like Me
Okay, Lucky Mom – what in the WORLD was little dude thinking of when he created that???
Oh, if I could read his mind my world would be so much simpler!
The Lucky Mom recently posted..10 Celebrity Parents who are A Lot Like Me
FAMOUS!
OMG, I have tears streaming down my face. Shaking with laughter.
My sunroom, aka the playroom, used to be wallpapered with kid art. One day I took it all down in an effort to reduce the clutter in there. And what came down with the art? The paint on the walls.
Lovely. Just the look I was going for.
JD @ Honest Mom recently posted..I’m Going to Disney. Hubs Planned It All. I May Be a Little Scared.
lol! The art left quite the impression, didn’t it?
I’m seeing lots of serious and crazy artists here! Kids are just driving me happily insane! Penis! Fart of my mom! lol
Born27 recently posted..conference call
“happily insane”? I love it!
Wow, so, so very good. I can’t say it gets that much better by the time they are in middle school. Kids always ask if I am going to grade their drawings and since I’m just trying to give them a way to express themselves in French with a drawing to back it up, I say no. But sometimes….. wow.
sparkling74 recently posted..Slugs Are Thugs
“wow” is exactly right.
Today my friend texted me an artichoke heart her daughter made. Actually, it was a penis. But it was supposed to be an artichoke heart.
WOW.
Okay, these were hilarious. I love the stickers on the headboard and the completely covered art with magnets one. That one scary creation in the kitchen made me laugh out loud, too. This was awesome!
(Thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny!)
The scary kitchen statue gives me nightmares.
Hilarious. I still remember my baby brother’s thunderstorm stage. Nice picture (well relative to age and his non-ability) then desecrated by the big, fat black wax crayon.
idiosyncratic eye recently posted..Freaky Beasts
Lol! Thunderstorm stage – I love it!
I enjoyed this so much. I don’t know what was funnier, though–the kids’ drawings or your comments on them. Either way the two went together beautifully.
I love everything kids draw. I love trying to figure out WTH it all is and what their thought processes were as they were coming up with the ideas and executing them in their own unique way. I’m still trying to figure out why my youngest (who incidentally does draw quite well) felt moved to pick out 30 sheets of construction paper in the same color and proceed to draw butt-cracks on each and every one of them, but for the most part it’s pretty interesting stuff.
Those first drawings of happy faces, though, are always the most precious to me. I have become a hoarder of sorts because I can’t bear to throw any of their drawings away.
Love the butt cracks – wtf, indeed!
Isn’t it fun when kids express themselves?! I have to write a post on the time when my son was mad at me and handed me a note with a picture of me shouting “NO!” and a caption that read “Big, Fat, Mean Bully”
Why is the only thing that bothered me the fat part?
Great post!
LMAO! Please tell me that is framed and over the fireplace.
Hahahaha!!! I rarely laugh out loud, but I just died laughing throughout this entire post!!! Hilarious, great idea!!!!
Lady goo goo gaga recently posted..Bullets for Breakfast
Anything for you, Goo Goo….
Re: Boxy–Your daughter is just a big fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt3JLgoFdZw
Janel recently posted..Everybody Party Party!
Oh. My. Shit. Boxy, indeed!
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when my now 17 year old was 6 he left me a note saying (tyne is little sister) “Tyne is a-noing cow” i still have that note lol
Hilarious!
This is my favorite blog post, EVER!
I wish my child was cool enough to draw anotomically correct foxes in love. I’m totally trading her in for one of those kids!
Because having a kid who’s great at drawing shlongs is definitely something to strive for. Obviously.
Is there anything else to strive for?
Arieloser recently posted..We’re Opening a Coffee Shop!
I really don’t think so.
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That was hysterical! I have tears running down my face…
I think its even funnier because I can relate so well. Our entire office has been taken over by ms5 and her crafty creations and supplies..