How to Measure A Shelf So You Can Buy Planters to Put on It
1. Walk into your bathroom, decide that after 4 years of thinking it, today’s the day you’re gonna get some plants to put around the tub shelf.
2. Wonder where the measuring tape is.
3. Remember it is downstairs, where the kids are, because it was last being used as a leash for some toy dog.
4. Decide there’s no way you’re reminding your kids that you’re still in the house right now, because then they’ll want to get involved in this project.
5. Look for that…hard…measury thing…what’s it called?? Oh, yeah: Ruler. Look for a ruler in the office.
6. Find no ruler, so look to see if hole punch has those measure line things on them….nope.
7. Slip on notebook that’s laying on the floor. Open it up, tear a piece of paper out.
8. Grab an ENTER AT OWN RISK Halloween pencil someone left on your desk while wondering Which one of the kids was in my office and did they touch anything they weren’t supposed to?
9. Go back into the bathroom. Shove paper in between edge of wall and edge of tub. Mark it with a pencil. Repeat on all 3 sides that have the shelf.
Clearly, I'm a professional.
10. Go downstairs.
11. Get attacked by hungry kids, toss snack at them as a distraction tool.
12. Search for the big metal measuring tape, which you’re pretty sure was last seen in the bottom of the kids’ winter hat/glove/scarf bin. Yep, there it is…got it!
13. Measure markings you made on the wrinkled paper to see how wide a space you have for buying the right sized planters, while answering questions about SpongeBob, upcoming birthday parties, the weather, and if her favorite blanket is washed yet.
14. Realize you need that lightweight pink measuring tape to take with you to Home Depot.
15. Dig through toy bin and pull out the leash measuring tape.
So confusing...why would I have a hard time finding this in such a tidy environment?
16. Yell at kids for leaving their toys all over the place.
17. Tell Husband you need to go to Home Depot.
18. Get suckered into taking The Girl to Home Depot with you.
19. Spend the next 2 hours at Home Depot trying to select a handful of indoor planters and plants while being peppered with a kagillion questions by your kid, explaining you can’t grow watermelon, picking up plants she keeps dropping, and losing that measurement piece of paper when you need to check it for the hundredth time.
20. Drive home with the knowledge that this project isn’t even half over yet, since you now officially have a Pint-Sized Assistant.
21. Answer questions, take the stuff out of the trunk, answer questions, re-pot plants, answer questions, fertilize, answer questions GET AWAY FROM THE STREET!!!, fill watering can, answer questions, help her water the plants, answer questions, carry the plants to designated spots all over the house, answer questions, clean up, answer questions, wash hands, answer questions, put on a movie to make her go away.
22. Go – alone – in the to the bathroom once more to take it all in, and decide that even if it doesn’t look perfect, there’s no way in hezzle you’re going through all that again.
Looks good, doesn't it? I SAID DOESN'T IT, DAMMIT!!!
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It honestly looks great. I’m proud of you for entering Home Depot with a child.
Ziva recently posted..Getting Things Done
Thank you.
And, according to The Child, the name of the store isn’t “Home Depot”. It’s “The Flower Store”. I am an idiot who gets it wrong every time. *sigh*
Plants, no plants; pint-sized-helper, all alone, I am now officially J-E-A-L-O-U-S of your tub. I see jets.
Jester Queen recently posted..Gossip
Ah, you like my broken, useless jets? They are pretty fancy, sitting there all not-working and everything.
You crack me up…love it. If you ever need some help organizing let me know. I am located in NJ. Will organize while you tell me more funny stories!!
What? You want to watch my kids while I nap? COME ON OVER.
No done with the little kid stage..not going back there. Although I have to admit sometimes I miss it..then I think about diapers and it snaps me back to reality.
Seriously, I would love to organize a space for you. A freebie. Let me know
I sympathize with having to take an “assistant”. I don’t get much of anywhere with out one.
But now I’m thinking my tub can use a little update. If I can clear out the 47 bottles of half used shampoo/conditioner/bodywash and soap-film-incrusted toys that no one plays with but throws fits if I try to remove them. I feel a project coming on!
Kim recently posted..It could happen to you
I skipped a step, to be honest. I was in the bathroom and yelled “THAT’S IT!!!”, climbed into the tub and grabbed all the ancient lotions, fizzes, powders etc that are likely dust or toxic by now, and trashed them all. Which made room for the plants.
hilarious
we can never find rulers or tape measure.
shoes are about a foot long, right? notebook paper can be measured with a pencil?
The kids, they’re 4 to 5 feet tall, there’s a measure!
Lance recently posted..The Way It Is
I rarely use rulers, I usually use “Oh, it’s as long as my right hand from that first wrist wrinkle to the 2nd knuckle of my middle finger” or “It goes up to my kneecap”.
It’s all very Scientific.
You went to Home Depot with a child? You are a brave, brave woman! I had one Vera Bradey tape measurer (wtf, right?) that my MIL gave me as a gift (she really loves me a lot) that my kids immediately destroyed. Why do they love rulers and measuring tape so much? As always…another great post.
Bethany Thies recently posted..What I Want to Be When I Grow Up/(Beauty) School Drop-Out
My kids measure EVERYTHING. Which you may have guessed, since I mention that 100% of our measuring tapes were being used by them when I needed them.
This is so great! I have dug in my kids’ toy box for their mini-Home Depot measuring tape before. Loved the “GET AWAY FROM THE STREET!!” insert, too. Funny stuff!
Kelley recently posted..Finding the Funny #12: I may be on "I Survived"
I have no idea how anything productive ever happens in this house.
Also? It’s good to hear that other moms have to dig in toy boxes for measuring tapes. I love to know I’m not alone in this.
Funny! First off, I probably wouldn’t have measured, then I would have had to add this step: go back and buy more pots and leave the other ones to clutter the garage because there is no way in hell I’m also standing in the return line at Home Depot, especially with an assistant.
BTW, paper currency is 6 inches long.
Ellen
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently posted..Step Away From The Confetti Cannon
WHOA. So, if I take a dollar bill out of my 1st Grader’s Star Wars wallet, I can use it as a 6″ ruler?
That is awesome!
I loved the part where you’re unwilling to retrieve the tape measure for fear of reminding the children of your presence – it seems like I’m doing some kind of jacked up improvisation daily just to avoid passing through the room they’re in. AND, the plants look great! I’m impressed you ever got finished, what with all that “help.”
hollow tree ventures recently posted..I’ll Be The Judge of That
If they momentarily forget to harass me, I do my damnedest not to remind them.