How to Measure A Shelf So You Can Buy Planters to Put on It
1. Walk into your bathroom, decide that after 4 years of thinking it, today’s the day you’re gonna get some plants to put around the tub shelf.
2. Wonder where the measuring tape is.
3. Remember it is downstairs, where the kids are, because it was last being used as a leash for some toy dog.
4. Decide there’s no way you’re reminding your kids that you’re still in the house right now, because then they’ll want to get involved in this project.
5. Look for that…hard…measury thing…what’s it called?? Oh, yeah: Ruler. Look for a ruler in the office.
6. Find no ruler, so look to see if hole punch has those measure line things on them….nope.
7. Slip on notebook that’s laying on the floor. Open it up, tear a piece of paper out.
8. Grab an ENTER AT OWN RISK Halloween pencil someone left on your desk while wondering Which one of the kids was in my office and did they touch anything they weren’t supposed to?
9. Go back into the bathroom. Shove paper in between edge of wall and edge of tub. Mark it with a pencil. Repeat on all 3 sides that have the shelf.
10. Go downstairs.
11. Get attacked by hungry kids, toss snack at them as a distraction tool.
12. Search for the big metal measuring tape, which you’re pretty sure was last seen in the bottom of the kids’ winter hat/glove/scarf bin. Yep, there it is…got it!
13. Measure markings you made on the wrinkled paper to see how wide a space you have for buying the right sized planters, while answering questions about SpongeBob, upcoming birthday parties, the weather, and if her favorite blanket is washed yet.
14. Realize you need that lightweight pink measuring tape to take with you to Home Depot.
15. Dig through toy bin and pull out the
leash measuring tape.
16. Yell at kids for leaving their toys all over the place.
17. Tell Husband you need to go to Home Depot.
18. Get suckered into taking The Girl to Home Depot with you.
19. Spend the next 2 hours at Home Depot trying to select a handful of indoor planters and plants while being peppered with a kagillion questions by your kid, explaining you can’t grow watermelon, picking up plants she keeps dropping, and losing that measurement piece of paper when you need to check it for the hundredth time.
20. Drive home with the knowledge that this project isn’t even half over yet, since you now officially have a Pint-Sized Assistant.
21. Answer questions, take the stuff out of the trunk, answer questions, re-pot plants, answer questions, fertilize, answer questions GET AWAY FROM THE STREET!!!, fill watering can, answer questions, help her water the plants, answer questions, carry the plants to designated spots all over the house, answer questions, clean up, answer questions, wash hands, answer questions, put on a movie to make her go away.
22. Go – alone – in the to the bathroom once more to take it all in, and decide that even if it doesn’t look perfect, there’s no way in hezzle you’re going through all that again.
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