I never realized how much more action happens in the bedroom once you have kids.
By “action” I mean getting out of your bed a thousand times a night to bring someone else back to her/his bed, tucking-in routines that make a typical OCDer shout “AGAIN with the Goodnight Moon?!”, and the back-and-forth battles over naps, bedtimes, wake times, and everything in between.
I’m no stranger to bedtime struggles. Nap-fighting and rationalizing my refusal to share a bed with my kids have been well-documented.
But now Miss A – almost 5yo – has come up with a new repertoire of excuses as to why she needs to leave her room and not go to bed…Quite Yet.
(Yes, she actually says “quite yet”. No, I don’t know when she turned into a 57 year old British woman.)
Top 10 Excuses She Can’t Go to Sleep…Quite Yet:
10. The cup of water isn’t up to par. She had requested “ice cold water with ice”, and this tastes like plain old cool tap water. I get accused of bamboozling her.
9. The pillowcase is too soft & the blanket isn’t soft enough. Can’t I do something about that?
8. “I messed up the calendar! I messed up my calendar FOREVERRRRRR!!!!!” No, you didn’t. It’s exactly right. “Oh. I forgot.”
7. One of the 10 nightlights went out (yep, 10). Even though it’s bright enough in there for me to tan, it’s not bright enough for her to sleep.
6. BugBite doesn’t seem hungry enough to eat all the extra dark tonight, and “I look EFRYWHERE for my flashlight!”
5. She forgot to tell the 2 tiny frogs in Daddy’s office Goodnight.
4. The “youmidifier” isn’t working, so she needs help blowing her nose. (Liar.)
3. She just remembered a funny story. (This story is never actually funny.)
2. “WHERE’S BLUE DOGGY!?!?!”
1. The arm-sized poo she’s been holding in for the past 12 hours cannot wait til morning. Mama may start incorporating post-dinner enemas if she keeps this act up…that kind of poo retention simply can’t be healthy.
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