Fancy high heels are for suckas*. Just sayin’.
* Or people who don’t have painful, bulging bunions. One or the other.
9. The last issue of Vogue you looked at was at your OBGYN’s office the week of your first kid’s due date. Seven years ago.
8. Whenever you turn on the laptop to look up fashion blogs, the kids start fighting over who gets to go on Spongebob.com first.
7. It’s hard to try on clothes when you’re breastfeeding one kid and looking for crayons to distract the other while in the Target changing room.
6. You get so used to buying elasticized-waist pants for the kids, you automatically reach for them for yourself.
5. Neither spit-up on your shoulder nor snot on your shirt hem have ever been called “The New Black”.
4. It is guaranteed that if you find something flattering that is currently in style and on sale, you’ll realize you forgot that you’re in charge of carpool that day and have to leave the store RIGHT NOW.
3. Endless hours of Dora has you convinced there’s nothing wrong with a wardrobe entirely consisting of pink shirts with orange shorts, yellow socks and purple backpacks.
2. Granny Panties are actually really quite comfortable.
1. Nothing looks better than pajamas feel right after the last kid is picked up from school.
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