The Elf on the Shelf is a fun family tradition this time of year.
I have recently discovered people sharing photos of cute antics their elves have been up to on Pinterest and beyond, such as Elf on a Shelf Snow Angels in sugar or flour, leaving trails of glitter, and other messy fun discoveries.
Well, it seems I do not have that kind of Elf on a Shelf.
Looks like sweet & charming Family Fun, doesn’t he? DON’T BE FOOLED.
Quite frankly, after what happened when our princess & stuffed animal tea party went very, very wrong, are you even surprised?
Our family’s Elf on a Shelf appeared the morning after we got home from our Thanksgiving Travels. A mere 2 days later, I had surgery, and he seemed to decide to show up morning after morning in the same exact spot in the kitchen for the kids to find him.
I thought he was being considerate, making this easier on me as I healed.
But alas, I am on the mend and starting to notice things were getting a little…wierd around here.
So, for your guidance, here are some surveillance photos I took of my own Elf on the Shelf Gone Wild.
Please refer to the following list to see if your own Elf deserves to be on the Naughty List. If so? Santa will absolutely send in a replacement. He just has a lot going on right now, so if a rogue Elf has slipped through the cracks, please let him know right away.
Signs Your Elf on the Shelf Deserves to be on The Naughty List:
I do hope this list is applicable to only a few of you, and that in the end? You all have a fun and adventurous holiday season.
Without any pill-popping whorish elves wreaking havoc on your home as you sleep.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Thank you to The Bearded Iris & her crazy Elf Dobbie for the encouragement to catch my own elf’s antics!
"You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth" and Other Things You'll Only Hear from Your Friends In The Powder Room - AUTOGRAPHED BOOK 
I Just Want to Be Alone - AUTOGRAPHED COPY 
Part of My World: Short Stories - AUTOGRAPHED BOOK 
I always heard that Brobee was loose.
He is a furry green whore. You should see what he did at our last tea party.
I want to be his friend, mostly because I have no clue how to do anything technological, and it seems he might be able to show me how. If not, we could at least drink and laugh and laugh…
I will give him this: he’s quite technologically savvy & knows how to party.
Dude likes wild turkey. Best elf I;ve ever heard of, seriously.
Drinks it in spades, dude. In SPADES.
Oh thank you, thank you, thank you for making me laugh this morning! I soooo needed it after the train went off the rails when Blossom became snarky and spoiled bad princess-ish. My day has been brightened
Happy that my derelict Elf could put a smile on your face. I’ll even consider telling Santa this detail during his trial.
Do you rent him out? He looks like fun.
Refill my whiskey & pain meds? He’s yours for the night.
Love it. My elf has been entirely G-rated. Thankfully, he’s in the other room so he didn’t see your rogue elf. My biggest takeaway, aside from Brobee’s personal inclinations, is that you have a great liquor collection and I want to come over.
Ummm…that’s actually *cough cough* a really empty version of our liquor cabinet. And only half of it. Ahem.
Come by any time. Just let me fill it up first?
I was thinking that all those mostly empty bottles seem to indicate the Elf is not the only one partying at your house. I’m with Allison, I want to be your friend, too.
This is awesome. I never before wished to celebrate Christmas, and thereby get an Elf on the Shelf, like I do now. And, when can I come for a cocktail….that’s my kind of cabinet.
If you had my elf, or one of his associates? I don’t think it necessarily means you’re celebrating Christmas. So maybe try your luck, and you could end up with a whorish drunk one like ours. *fingers crossed for luck*
I have been looking for a Jewish Elf for the last few weeks to keep an eye on my kids, but now I see elves may be a lot of trouble
This is a fabulous highlight to my day –
Pretty sure “trouble” is his middle name.
Be very afraid.
OMG, the Elf porn picture?! Hilarious. I’m with Allison. Invite us over.
What bothers me about that port picture is that I CAN’T SEE HIS HANDS. And I’m pretty sure I know what he’s doing. *shakes head*
You & Alison are welcome to come over and raid my booze cabinet(S) any time. Get your ass up here.
Love it – I love it when people spend as much time as me doing things like setting up dolls for weirdo photo shoots – makes me much more normal.
That was all surveillance camera.
Obviously.
I seriously cannot get enough of seeing Elves doing bad things. Thanks for adding to the obsession. I may Pin it on Pinterest so that my obsessions can collide.
Thanks so much! I always appreciate others sharing my posts that they enjoy.
I’m also on Pinterest as “letmestart”.
this is beyond hilarious! thank you for the immediate LOL i experienced with the elf porn! my elf is so boring that i feel he needs to step it up a bit!
Maybe my Elf can summer at your house, spice things up a bit?
This is the only time an elf on the shelf hasn’t creeped me out (excepting the porn). But did you have to befoul Brobee?
Brobee’s been tapping all the dolls in the toy box since he arrived 2 Christmases ago. There ain’t nothin’ I could do to defoul that dirty, dirty monster at this point.
“tapping all the dolls in the toy box”
Holy shite, you made me snort my lunch.
I speak the truth.
“tapping all the dolls …” I have laughing tears. Awesome!
He’s such an incorrigible whore.
Maybe it’s just me, but that whoring pill-popping elf seems like a lot more fun those the ones who narc on innocent little children. Give me your address. I’d like to send him a bottle whiskey…but maybe gently broach the subject about sexin’ Brobee up because, dude, that’s just wrong.
And I wasn’t drinking whiskey when I wrote that up there…that error riddled mess of stupidity. I’m just really G.D. tired.
The chances of me giving ANYONE my address are exponentially increased when offers of free whiskey start rolling in.
SOOO Hilarious! Love it!
Thanks!
Just gotta admire any guy who can type with his feet while keeping both hands on his “situation”…if ya get my drift…
Nice liquor cabinet, however, I see Chivas, Wild Turkey…not sure if that’s Maker’s Mark in the background but…no Jack Daniels?
And he doesn’t even have toes. Now THAT is masturbatory talent.
The Jack D is always the first to go.
LMAO!! Wonderful. I like your elf, he’s a man-elf after my own heart.
He’s loving all this female attention. The dirty dawg.
I’m just so glad YOURelf isn’t hanging with OUR elf. Fitzac is ot that kind of diminutive felt figure. He’s wholesome, and kind, and rosy-cheeked, and . . . Oh, dear. He’s riding the dog. Not like a pony.
LOL!
you’re elf would be right at home here, now i feel sad i don’t have an elf on my shelf
Go get yourself one! Or just use any old elf toy for it. Just make sure it’s not a whore.
So wrong and yet so right.
That’s how I roll, baby.
I have no elf. Probably a good thing.
You might be right….
I always suspected that elves were not entirely trustworthy. NOW I know where the Irish Cream disappears to every Christmas season. And that sticky stuff on the floor in the kitchen? Ooooo…I shudder to think what that might really be. Back in the attic for my elf!
Trish
http://contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com/2011/12/writing-is-therapeutic.html
Back into the box, into a cellophane wrap, lock the attic door.
I feel like Nutcrackers are not to trusted as well.
Thanks for the holiday humor
The Nutcrackers seem a bit more dangerous, and I fear to know their antics….
We have two elves. A boy elf and a girl elf. I keep finding them together behind couches, under chairs, beneath blankets. And now I’m waiting for a third elf to present itself.
Elves are dirty, dirty little critters.
“that in the end” *Snicker*.
Voting. That’s great.
Lol! Thanks!