Yes, I’m doped up on pain killers and loopy from lack of sleep after yesterday’s surgery and my rather distractingly painful posterior. But I couldn’t help but notice the following similarities:
5. Your first meal when it’s over, even if it’s just a Hostess Coffee Cake and waxy cup of water, tastes more divine than anything Wolfgang Puck could produce in his fanciest restaurant.
Never Have My Lips Tasted Such Sweet Loveliness...
4. Even the discharge nurse can’t keep a straight face when telling you doctor’s orders are not to have sex, especially not anal sex.
3. You lose about 10 pounds pretty much immediately, yet have no desire to show anyone how good you look. (See #4, above)
2. All Granny Panties, All The Time.
1. As much as you truly love her, your beautiful new asshole wakes you up every 90 minutes on the dot, all night long.
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1 click below ups my ranking & makes my butt heal faster:
This made me LOL! Especially #3!
I do, quite frankly, look fantastic. Except for the whole hunched-over-in-pain thing. 😉
Can’t wait to get the announcement in the mail!
Hope you’re feeling much better now, and can eat foods without considering fiber content.
Oh, honey, that is NOT an announcement you want a photo of.
TRUST ME.
did you just call your kid butthole? (#1)
love the bit about granny panties?
LOL! Yes, yes I did. Then again, my kids killed my sleep for about 4 years….
I actually went to a surgeon about having this done, but she went on and on about how it was the most painful surgery in the whole world (she actually said that) and that was kind of a turn off. Hope your butt is feeling better by now.
I’m not gonna lie: it HURTS. But it’s more of a soreness. And pooping after the surgery (with the help of daily Miralax) didn’t hurt anywhere nearly as bad as it did before the surgery. I’m about 6 weeks post-op and can tell you that I’d do it over in a heartbeat. Worth it!
Also: I’ve had a Bunionectomy. This is regarded as one of the worst, most painful surgery ever. It hurt WAY more than my fissure surgery & hemorrhoidectomy.