16 Things I Said This Week

Let Me Start By Saying Things I Said

Balls, butts, necks, light sabers & hurricanes.

I’ve got it all not under control.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You know very well that I said “brush your teeth”, not “wash your feet”.

OW, that was my neck.

Did you ask Daddy if it’s ok to play with your balls?

Please don’t stand on the phone.

Just let go of your penis for a minute.

Stop it! We do NOT threaten each other! Now GET in the TUB before you’re BOTH in trouble!

You might not want to give a baby a lightsaber if you don’t want to get hit by a lightsaber.

You are so NOT The King of the Butt.

Can you please stop doing things that could potentially injure you?

Can SOMEONE please listen to SOMETHING I say at SOME point today?

Put your shoes on.
PUT your shoes on.
Put. Your. Shoes. ON!

And a few that were directly related to the hurricane:

We can’t go get a leaf a right now, baby girl, sorry….because there’s a hurricane outside…no, not even if you’re Super-Fast.

No, the basement isn’t dry yet. (<– repeat 386x)

No, the Wii isn’t fixed yet. (<– repeat 413x)

Put. The branch. DOWN. (<– repeat 297x)

Yes, you can poop in the dark.

What crazy things have you said this week?

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Welcome to Let Me Start By Saying…!  Read some short memoir posts here, the About Kim page, or for some funny, check out my Favorite Posts page.  Thanks for visiting!

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  1. says

    “Well, a mammogram is when, wait…it’s a test grown ups have to take, why? No, your daddy doesn’t need a mammogram. Because it’s just for girls. No, you don’t need one either. Do you want a cookie?”

    Had me completely flustered and I still don’t know how she heard about a mammogram.

    • says

      October is Breast Cancer Awareness month: Mammo talk is EVERYWHERE. Just say it is a special picture a doctor takes of a grown-up woman’s breast.
      Though, I do like how you handled it, too. Cookies make everything better! 😉

  2. says

    I think my last post evaporated – trying again. King of Butt!!! That’s hysterical – I think your kids are way too smart for your own good. And boy’s obsession with their penis? It’s like they become aware of it at 18 months, and the fascination with it never really goes away for the rest of their lives!

    • says

      My brother once told me that one of the hardest things in life is having smart kids. Damn, if he wasn’t spot on. It’s at it’s worst when they reasonably fire back at me when I’m telling them they are in trouble – stop talking sensibly! I’m the mom!

  3. says

    “Stop it! We do NOT threaten each other! Now GET in the TUB before you’re BOTH in trouble!” This is a classic.

    As for crazy-“No, we’re not going to sit and watch Daddy pee-pee.”

  4. Laura B says

    This week I said:

    We don’t put our hands in our mouths after touching the toilet.

    Stop touching the cow poop.

    No, Raffi cannot come to your birthday party.

    The baby cannot eat your cheeseburger. Please stop trying to put it in her mouth.

    We do NOT climb on the roof of the van. Get down! (said to a 4 year old)

    • says

      “We don’t put our hands in our mouths after touching the toilet.”
      This is my mantra to my 4yo. If I say something 10x a day every day for 25% of life, you’d THINK she could remember it. But….nope.

      And how the heck did your 4yo get on the roof of your van? Is s/he Spiderman?

  5. Becky says

    “PUTYOURSHOESON” . . . it was said as though it were all 1 word right? LOVE IT!!!

    Using the bathroom in the dark must be a wonder for kids. My 12 yr old asked me the other night what would we do if the lights went out & we had to use the bathroom. I told her that she was 12 yrs old now, she should know where her “parts” are & told her it would be ok.


    • says

      I generally make a polite request at first, hoping they will be civilized human beings and do as asked. Then the emphasis gets sharper and the sentence structure gets more clipped. If my request becomes on fast loud word? Look out.

      I love that you have to remind your kid that she can find her parts in the dark – lol!

  6. says

    Oh I LOVE this meme. I’m not organized enough to capture every crazy thing I say all week, but the ONE humdinger I did jot down just in case was:

    “Get your penis off that table!”

    No, not directed at my husband. It was stage whispered to my four year old. But it was particularly embarrassing because we were at Burger King at the time.

    I love my life.

  7. Laura B says

    Hahaha. No, but it did include me telling him that I was too tired to go to the hospital if anyone needed stitches, so if L falls he was going to be the one taking him and not me.

  8. says

    I like the “poop in the dark comment”. i don’t remember what i said this week, but i did write a blog a short while ago titled “things that celebrities have said to me”.

  9. says

    Do you jot these things down as they happen? I can’t think of a single thing I said. I have teens so I think it may be result of realizing no one is listening anyway!

  10. says

    my teenager: “why are you mad, you know we (her friend who is a boy) kiss, right?”

    me: “you know i got these tattoos in prison?”

    my teenager: “ugh! why do you have to be such a dad!”

  11. says

    I’m not yet a mother, but I have dreams (and nightmares) of saying all of these things.
    “Yes, you can poop in the dark.”
    So good. Kids just aren’t very smart. 😉

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