Motherhood has changed me in many ways.
I became the kind of person who posts pregnancy belly shots of myself online, for all the world to see.
Then I became the kind of person who posts a picture of her Bagel Belly online, so all the world can see how that baby ruined her belly.
But this morning, I had a revelation more terrifying than photos of my bare bulging or stretched-out abdominal flesh.
Let me back up and explain.
After dinner last night, Mr T was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, and called out to me in a pretty calm voice: Mom? I almost touched something BROWN on the wall. I think it’s POOP.
Without flinching, I ask: Is it yours?
Mr T: Noooooooo.
So I get up, go in there, and Lo and Behold There Is Shizz On My Bathroom Wall.
Mr T: Whose poop is that?
I calculate the number of neighborhood kids who were playing here only hours before, who could have popped in for a poop through my open garage door.
2….4….8…12….15. There were 15 kids here yesterday.
So I shrug my shoulders. I dunno. Just wash your hands really really really well.
Then I wash it off my wall.
I don’t consider calling my friends & neighbors to let them know someone smeared a gob of feces on my bathroom wall.
I don’t freak out and gag or get all screechy.
(Ok, fine. I had a quick mini-gag during the actual wiping-off of it. But can you blame me?)
I just wipe shizz off my wall and get on with my day. I pretty much forget about it until this morning, when I got home from dropping the kids off at camp and needed to pee in that bathroom.
Which makes me wonder…
WHO THE HELL HAVE I BECOME??
What kind of person does not FREAK OUT at the sight of unclaimed shizz on her wall?
What kind of person FORGETS that an unidentifiable person put shizz on her wall?
WHO? I ask you? WHOOOO???!!!
Good God. What happened to me.
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