4yo: (Bouncing up and down) Mommy! Mommy!
Me: Yes?
4yo: (Whispers) I have an itch on my tushie.
Me: Go over there to scratch it, then wash your hands.
(She runs off to have some privacy, and I finish reading The Magic Treehouse to Mr T)
(She silently appears back at my side)
4yo: (In a quiet voice) Mommy……? Excuse me, Mommy?
Me: Yes?
4yo: I had an itch on my tushie…
Me: (Figuring this is just a recap, I employ my Mm-Hm Response) Mm-Hm.
4yo: …And I scratched it…
Me: Mm-hm.
4yo: …Annnnnnnnd then I put my finger in my tushie and then I put it in my mouth.
(She makes a bit-a-sour-lemon face and sticks out tongue.)
(I start paying attention.)
Me: (Trying not to throw up) That’s disgusting. Go wash your hands.
(She runs off to the bathroom, I kiss Mr T good-night and head into the bathroom to ensure proper hand/finger scrubbing so I never go near anything that was inside her ass. Ever.)
Me: Why did you put your finger in your tushie?
4yo: (Responds with pouty, mumbly tone) Idunno.
Me: Why did you put it in your mouth?
4yo: (Responds with pouty, mumbly tone) Idunno
Me: And what did it taste like*?
* I only asked this, figuring she’s give her standard “IsKUSting!” (ie: disgusting) response. After which, I would say “Well, we don’t put disgusting things in our mouth, right?” I swear to you, this was my Lesson Teaching Intention and the only reasonable answer I imagined she could possibly give me. I was wrong.
4yo: (In a calm, contemplative voice looks at her finger, taps her chin, then replies) Well…it was kind of crunchy. (Dramatic, contemplative pause) But I don’t know why it was crunchy. But it was just a liiiiiiiiiiitle bit CRUNCHY.
(This is when I throw up in my mouth and stop asking questions.)
Happy Monday!
Never, ever touch this finger. No matter how many times she shows it to you. TRUST ME.
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What a strange sensation. I have never laughed and thrown up at the same time before.
I’m all about the multi-sensory experience. You’re welcome!
Oh my God! I don’t know whether to be horrified or highly amused! WHY do kids stick their fingers in anything and everything! Crunchy…oh boy.
I’m thinking both.
I have no idea why they put their fingers in places they don’t belong. Dark, scary places….
AAGH!!! I just threw up in my mouth too!!!! Great pic:)
She is ALWAYS giving the bird. This is her preferred finger for all things icky.
Oh sweet baby geebs, WHY????????!!!!
Why did she stick her finger up her ass?
Why did she then put it in her mouth?
Why did I ask how it tasted?
Or why was it crunchy?
I really don’t know the answer to any of these….
This is going to be one good story when she get her first boyfriend!!
This is being printed out and slapped into the baby book FOR SURE. Hellooooooo wedding rehearsal dinner slideshow!
Holy shit. Is that the finger she used to scratch her itch? It only seems right.
Yep. That’s her multi-purpose finger.
Curiousity….isn’t that a sign of giftedness?! Just reframe the whole experience and it’s a good thing! lol
Not sure how “gifted” it is to enter an exit….
LMAO! I love the 4 year old brain. Mine was screaming that her bootie was scratchy throughout Target. As Loud As She Could! nice
BOOTIE! BOOTIE! BOOOOOTIEEEEEEE!!!
OMG, as a mom of all boys, this tickles and horrifies me. I had no idea that little girls were prone to such adventuring! LOL
My my my, Kim….you are living the s-wwweeettt life! It only gets better and better. And she’s going to kill you when she finds out that you blabbed about her and the now famous finger! You know that, right? You crack me up!
Miss A is more disgusting than Mr T every day of the week. Like the time she picked her nose and wiped her boogers on the back of his shirt very discreetly…so he didn’t find them until they were dried up. Yum.
LMAO. Little kid poo stories are sooo awesome. Great work!
I love that you think it’s “great work” that i raised my daughter to not know she shouldn’t stick poo-fingers in her mouth,. Please come around more often!
I am ROFLMAO!!!
She has that effect on people.
I’m right there with Amy – throwing up and laughing at the same time!
We like to multi-task around here, so you’ll fit right in!
Yuck. I don’t know if I should throw up or laugh. Here I thought little girls would be easier in the yuck category. You will forever be on your toes.
My little girl is so gross that even boys find her frightening. She’s kept me on my toes since birth!
Ewww, but honestly, I can picture my little one doing the same thing when she’s older.
The older they get the more deliberate the grossness gets. Weeeee FUN!
Is this a true story or just an excuse to post a pic of your daughter flipping me off?
100% true, down to the last crunchy lick.
Fabulous!
Lol!
I guess there could have been worse answers than crunchy. Maybe.
If you come up with any that make you throw up faster than her – in that Alien Chicken voice of hers – giving this one? I’d love to hear them. Maybe.
I am pretty sure this is the first story I’ve ever heard that made me both laugh and throw up in my mouth a little bit! Never a dull moment when you have kids….
never a dull, or clean, moment.
I read this to T on our mini vacation. For all its disgustingness, the overwhelming feeling we both had was relief that we are not alone. So, even if it’s still not normal that L would do the same thing (and has), at least he’s not the only one. Maybe one day L and Miss A will get married and raise hell, have attitude, and eat shit together. All I know is that we’d have fun at the wedding and then laugh our asses off when their kids turn out just like them.
If these 2 do marry and pick the cake themselves? Do NOT eat it. Lord knows what filling they’ll choose.
Ah, my 18 mo daughter would LOVE your daughter. She has painted with her poo and rubbed her entire body with it, as well. Kids are disgusting.
They really are.
trying not to hurl…
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Yeah. Me, too.
That is so incredibly disgusting… yet my 3 year old does it too. Must come from my husband’s side of the family.
Natalie recently posted..Well, it’s over.
Obviously.
This needs a disclaimer….NOT for the faint of stomach! But too damn funny to pass up! Glad I haven’t eaten recently so I could really enjoy the comedy of the situation without any icky side effects. And thanks for the heads up…I’m hoping my daughter will be sweet enough not to do that, but I think chances are slim since she enjoys having her whole hand shoved down the backside of her pants as it is.
Heather recently posted..How to make flavored coffee from the comfort of your own kitchen
I can laugh about it now, because honestly…WHY did I ask? WHY didn’t I block out her answer? WHY would she be digging in there anyway? Gah.
hilarious.
Glad you enjoyed!
You’rejokingyou’rejokingyou’rejoking, right? You’re NOT??? AHHHH!!! It was CRUNCHY!!!!!! AHHHHH!!! Oh, man, that is iKUSting and so, so funny. Thanks for linking up with us at #findingthefunny with this one!
And welcome to what I face on a daily basis with my #2 kid. I mean, second kid.
You were one of the top 5 most clicked links at Finding the Funny! We’ll be featuring you tomorrow!
Anna
Ooohhh…cool! Thanks!
Love you! You crack me up!
My kid gives me much material. You’re welcome.
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OMG! Leave it to a kid! lol
Eva Gallant recently posted..New Word Wednesday #55
Seriously. No adult would wonder what their finger tastes like.
I almost spit out my drink reading this. too funny!
I almost threw up my dinner experiencing it.
Hilarious & wrong, all at the same time. Totally cracked me up because I could see the SAME thing happening with my almost-three-year old. LOL! Stopping by from Finding the Funny!
Amy @ Counting My Kisses recently posted..Two toddlers = awesome
Thanks for coming by! It’s frightening the things they do sometimes. Ew.
I never read this one! I’m choking trying not to laugh and wake up the Hubster. Christ on a cracker that’s funny! Crunchy, holy hell.
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Listen: Never, EVER eat anything that girl hands you without checking it over first. Got it?