As I laid in bed last night, it dawned on me that if my kids actually listened to what I said in the first place (Mom Decoder Ring info here), I wouldn’t have to say such crazy things to them in the second place.
Since many of you seemed to enjoy the last time I spent the weekend jotting down a few of my own, personal family quotes, here’s a few more to start off your week.
As you can tell, my weekends are never boring. Oh, the things kids do when they have no school to remind them that there is an order to the world…
(Yes, I actually did say all of these things to my kids in less than 48 hours.)
Get off the stool and stop looking at your tushie in the mirror.
Get away from your sister. She’s holding a very hard bat.
Please don’t play with my dirty BandAid.
You don’t pretend to cut off your fingers with a knife. No, that’s not funny. I don’t CARE that it’s just a butter knife. Put it DOWN.
What did you just put in her mouth?
I love you, too. Now get off me.
Okay. Let’s not start yelling, we’ve been doing so well today. (It was 8:11am)
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The last two items sound eerily familiar, as does item #1. They really are fascinated by butts, aren’t they?
His favorite part of taking a shower is bending over to show ME his butt to clean. Um, thanks kid but I made that and don’t need to see it in such detail ever again.
My son is only 2 and hes fascinated with his butt too…only I find his hands traveling in his pants. He tells me “Momma, I got an itchy butt” OY
My 4yo does this! Your ass can’t be THAT itchy all the time. Weirdos.
It doesn’t get any better . . . my 12 yr old has done that!!! LOL
I hear scary things from the neighbor kids when I’m sitting in the sun (on the one day of the week when I can, mind you.) Here are a couple gems from this weekend:
“Poke it and see if it moves.”
“Either bury it or eat it before mom comes out.”
“Ask Miss Abby is she wants to buy my nunchucks.”
I do not want to buy anything–dead or alive. And do not poke me, as I will move and you won’t like the results.
You’re so lucky they didn’t actually scale the fence and include you in their Show and Tell. Kids are frightening.
I was wondering if it was just me, but my daughter loves looking at her butt in the mirror too! She’s only 2 for goodness sake.
Of all the things they could look at, why must it be their poopers?
“hey, he’s coming up the stairs.”
“mom, why do I have to tell him, why can’t you tell him”
“be really sweet to him and we’ll get what we want”
Those are some of the infamous things that have come out of the mouths of my three girls – aged 15, 7, and 6. you can find our more about their craziness like how they told there mom I was an adulterer and the rundown of their love lives here: http://lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog.wordpress.com
i subscribed and have been lurking for a couple of weeks. Like your Red Dress Club stuff.
Hi Lance – Your blog title cracks me up each time I pop by. And the Fight Club background? Fabulous.
I wish I had the means to set up cameras to catch the things they say/do, because it either absolutely cracks me up or makes me question their sanity. Seriously.
This is why i love TRDC. Not only do we get to exercise our writing muscles, but we get to find each other’s blogs. Yo diggity. Good stuff.
Hilarious. Your blog always makes me laugh. My favorite one was the “Stop looking at your tushie in the mirror.” Hahhaa. Thanks for all the laughs! You make my day go by faster!
I’m happy you can enjoy our madness!
I always try to diffuse situations by pointing out how well the day has been going, regardless of the time. Great minds, huh?
When I realized what I said, I actually snorted my coffee laughing. That was not the best start to my day.
The last one for sure is definitely said every single flippin day in my house! We’ve barely finished breakfast and I have the words “Come on we were being so good” stumbling out of my mouth. Oh and glad to know I’m not the only mother who says “I love you too, now get off of me!” LOL!
Miss A will CLING-HANG from my leg to kiss my ass about something she is either about to do or about to ask for or for something she has done but her brother has yet to discover and tell on her….so I am hip to her games of “Oh I LOVE you Mama!”. Now get off me and tell me what you did.
The dirty BandAid bit is just the kind if thing I thought I’d never say. Or, more accurately, I never could have imagined I’d have to say it.
I had to tell Mr T FOUR TIMES to stop that. Once? Curisosity. Four times? He’s just being a gross boy, or my fast delivery has damaged his sensibilities somehow.
My 19 mo is in the “I hate my diaper” stage. She takes it off constantly, regardless of its full/empty status. This week my other kids have said:
Anna’s trying to sit on my head and she’s naked!
Anna threw her diaper in the toilet!
Anna put her wet diaper on my head!
There’s a dirty diaper in the refrigerator!
And my favorite:
Anna is playing with her poop with a (toy) screwdriver!
I think it’s time to break out the potty.
I think I need therapy after reading that! Did you burn your fridge to the floor after discovered a dirty diaper in there?
Good luck PTing. You will likley need it.
Luckily it was only a wet diaper and she put it on the door shelf. Bleach. Lots of bleach.
I hate potty training.
I LOVE these posts! Thanks for making me smile this afternoon